Never Be the Same Again
by LooksLikeNico
Summary: SUMMARY: Buffy is at university in England and is dating her long term boyfriend, Riley Finn. Her life seems perfect, but things never stay that way, do they? Especially when her new friend Spike gives her something to compare Riley to...
1. Prologue

Prologue  
  
It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, a chance to travel the world and get out of the small town life that she had grown up with. But as the plane touched down at Manchester Airport, Buffy suddenly felt very alone.  
  
Her teachers had all told her what a wonderful opportunity it would be for her – to go to an English university and one of the best at that. Her father had been British and that gave her duel nationality but she had never actually visited the country. Buffy's mother had never got along with her husband's family and after his death when Buffy was a little girl there had seemed little reason to visit.  
  
Buffy couldn't really remember exactly who had suggested it first but she found herself applying to English Universities. When she got an acceptance from the University of Manchester it all seemed so exciting and exotic that she got caught up in the enthusiasm but reality suddenly came crashing down and she realised that what it really meant was that for the next three years she would be living thousands of miles from her home, family and friends.  
  
She collected her luggage and made her way through customs scanning the crowded arrivals lounge for the pick-up the university said would meet her. She caught sight of a tall guy holding up a large white placard, on which the words 'Summers and Rosenburg' were written in big red letters. She waved to indicate she had seen him and moved towards the door where he was standing.  
  
"Hi! I'm Buffy Summers," she said, shifting her heavy bag from one shoulder to the other uncomfortably.  
  
"I'm Chris. I'm the RA for the halls you'll be living in for the next year. May as well put your bags down for a sec – we still have another taker, er," he looked down at a scrap off paper he pulled out of his pocket, "Willow Rosenburg. Shouldn't have to wait long – she was on the same flight as you. Ah, this looks like her now."  
  
Buffy turned in time to see a slim girl with long straight red hair coming towards them, lugging a large suitcase and shoulder bag. She thought that she recognised her from the flight and was suddenly glad to see someone else who was in the same situation.  
  
"By the looks of things, you're going to be sharing a kitchen," Chris was saying, Buffy turned and frowned at him.  
  
"A kitchen?"  
  
"That's right – the rooms are divided into kitchens. About 12 people share a kitchen and living area, so just hope that you get along with them all!"  
  
"Kitchen – that means cooking, right?"  
  
It was going to be a very long year.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Buffy, wake up – the plane's about to land." Buffy groaned as Willow shook her out of the deep sleep she'd been enjoying.

"What, already?"

"You call that already! I'm sure that the flight wasn't that long a few months ago!" Willow stretched, trying to get the crick out of her neck that had formed from far too many hours in the cramped coach seats of the plane.

"Will, that was because you passed out on the way back to the States due to your hangover from Drink the Bar Dry the night before." Buffy tried not to laugh at the thought of her friend's sorry state at the end of the previous year, when she had decided to make use of the English law that allowed 18 year olds to drink.

"Are you ready for a whole new year then Buff?"

"Yeah," Buffy smiled to herself, "I think I am. You know, I was really dreading this last year. I was so close to catching the same flight home, but I had fun in the end."

"Yeah, and Riley Finn has absolutely nothing to do with this?"

Buffy blushed slightly, "well, maybe a little."

She hadn't been looking for a relationship when she met Riley but somehow she found one. She'd met him during Fresher's Week looking as lost as she was, but so were most people. You could definitely spot a fresher that week, but then again there was a lot of Manchester to get lost in, and with three or four different universities in the city, then you had to learn where you were fast.

One year later and they were a definite couple. Buffy had never had a serious relationship before and this seemed to her to be everything she could ever want. Riley was an attentive, loving boyfriend and they shared everything. Whatever she wanted to do, he showed an interest in. They'd joined the same clubs and societies – not that she'd ended up going to many of them, there was so much else to do – and they seemed to spend nearly every day together. She hadn't seen him all summer though – he couldn't afford the airfare to California and she'd wanted to go home to spend the summer break seeing her mother and her friends back home – so they'd written to each other, emailed and talked on the phone, much to her mother's annoyance when she saw the phone bill.

The taxi pulled up outside the large redbrick building that was to be their home for the next year and Buffy and Willow climbed out, looking up to survey the old Victorian building.

"You know, this would be so cool if it was actually all ours," Willow mused.

"Yeah, but it's not – just the basement and the first floor – though it's as good as ours. Riley and his friends have got the second and third floors, so we'll have the run of the whole place."

"But wouldn't it have been great to actually have lived here when it was new? I mean, look at the size of this place – it's huge! I bet there would have been servants and carriages and beautiful women in long flowing dresses."

"Yeah, whose only job was to look pretty and act dumb? Sounds just great to me," Buffy said sarcastically. "Nah, I think I'll stick with what I have. Xander!" Buffy's face split into a wide grin as she beheld the guy who had just opened the front door of the house in front of them.

"Buffy, Willow – long time no see. How was summer for you guys?"

"Great, until the flight back. Now I have jetlag from hell and I know that I still have to unpack all my stuff." Willow moaned.

"Talking of which, your boxes are in your rooms. I think my parents were glad to get rid of them. I really don't think that when they agreed to store your stuff over the summer holidays they actually realised how much stuff that was! Anyway, come in, come in!"

All three went inside the house, through the wide oak door with its stained glass windows into the hallway with its stone floors. It would have been very pretty in its day, Buffy mused, but that was before inner Manchester became a slightly less desirable place to live and the stature of the outside of the house was spoiled somewhat by the bars at the ground floor windows. The inside, though, was really quite something – despite the fact that it in need of refurbishment.

"Right," Xander was saying, "you remember how this works don't you? The main staircase leads to the upstairs flat and this door here," he indicated the white glossed door to the right of the main entrance, "is our very own front door. Here's a key for you," he handed a small gold key to Willow and another to Buffy, "and one for you."

They unlocked the door and went inside their new flat. Buffy recognised it from when they'd all gone house-hunting last Easter but somehow it seemed different this time, more real, and of course fewer pictures of naked women on the walls than last time when it had been inhabited by four men.

"What about rooms? Have you chosen yours yet?" Willow was asking.

"Well, Oz has been here since yesterday and he's bagged the one downstairs next to the kitchen, which leaves the three upstairs for you, me and Buffy."

"Ooh, bedroom choices!"

Several hours later found them all collapsed in the living room that was actually in the basement of the house, all absolutely exhausted and sharing a pizza. The initial scramble over the rooms had been over fairly quickly. Buffy was happy about her room – somehow she'd landed the biggest in the house. The only downside was the glaringly bright red curtains, which didn't exactly go with the powder blue paint that was on the walls. Maybe she'd think about redecorating, but not today. Today was for pizza and gossip and sleep – much sleep. Sleep was definitely high on the agenda.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**  
  
The second year started quietly enough. Xander still seemed in a state of shock that he'd managed to pass all his exams at the end of the previous year and had thrown himself into his studies this year with renewed vigour and enthusiasm, though Buffy still had a hard time understanding how he could find engineering interesting. Both she and Willow had learned that this was a question best not asked or Xander would try and explain the answer to them which generally meant trying to look vaguely interested whilst he babbled on for a few hours about structural design.  
  
Oz had sailed his way into his final year with about as much effort as he'd put into the rest of his course. He'd become one of the group early on in the previous year when Willow and he had dated for a while. A very short while - their 'relationship' had never really got off the ground, as Willow had found Tara and Oz had found The Band.  
  
Everyone had decided that, whilst 'Dingoes Ate My Baby' was a great name for a band, it was simply too long to have to refer to and so very quickly Oz's new obsession had been shortened to simply 'The Band' which suited everyone. Luckily, Oz was too involved with this to mind too much when Willow broke it to him that she preferred the company of Tara and in return Willow was relieved that Oz had been about to tell her that he didn't have time for a girlfriend because of the intensive rehearsal schedule the Band had come up with. So everything sorted itself out and Willow and Oz decided that friends was good and had stayed that way ever since.  
  
As for Buffy and Willow, after meeting that day at the airport they had arrived at University of Manchester Halls of Residence to find out that no only were they to be sharing a kitchen but that their rooms were next to each other. The two had clung to each other for support during the first few days of term and quickly developed into a close friendship confiding in each other about the ups and downs of their respective relationships and generally becoming inseparable by the end of the first term. After Christmas, however, they started to spend less and less time together as Buffy's relationship with Riley developed and Willow started to spend more time with Tara. Hopefully, the living arrangements this year would mean that that situation did not reoccur – everyone was living off campus this year – Riley in the flat upstairs and Tara in a flat based in a similar house next door.  
  
Buffy's arm shot out and grabbed the offending alarm clock as it rang the next morning to signal the start of term. Not fully conscious she picked it up and threw it towards the opposite wall. As the heavy radio alarm clock reached the end of its short wire and landed on her head she was reminded that she had left her old freestanding alarm clock in California and made a mental note never to try _that _one again.  
  
She got out of bed rubbing her head and made her way to the bathroom for her morning shower, praying that none of the others had got there first. Her prayers were answered and she quickly showered and dressed before leaving to make her way to the campus to register.

----------------------------------  
  
"Okay, I've finally found the downside of living off campus!" Buffy fumed to Andrew, the first person off her course she saw when she made it into the English building. "Do you know how long I had to wait for a bus this morning?"  
  
"Didn't you have to bus it in everyday living in halls last year?" Andrew looked at her, puzzled, as most of the halls at the university were at least a mile or two from the city centre campus.  
  
"Yeah but from Fallowfield and there are sooo many more buses from there! Today I just missed the 8:12, then the 8:30 didn't turn up and so now I have to forego my morning coffee just so I can stand in line for hours to register! What a way to start a new year – this is not a good sign!"  
  
"Well, I don't mind standing at the bus stop. Unless it's raining of course then the water runs down my neck. But on a day like today when the sun is shining and the birds are singing and you can look out over fields of grass gently waving in the wind," he sighed as he stared off into space.  
  
"Andrew? Where exactly are you living this year?"  
  
"Rusholme."  
  
"Oh. The same Rusholme that's about 15 miles from the nearest open space that's not been aggressively hacked by a lawn mower?"  
  
"Er, yeah."  
  
"Andrew?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Well, you know..."  
  
"No. I don't"  
  
"Hi guys," a shy voice said from behind them. Buffy whirled round and smiled gratefully as she saw the girl who had just arrived.  
  
"Tara, hi! Great to see you! Lets go over here and talk about, er, girl things!" She dragged the slightly confused Tara away from Andrew. "Thank God! What was I thinking! I think the summer break must have fried my brain – I'd forgotten how weird that guy could be! Anyway – how are you? Did you have a good summer?"  
  
"It wasn't too bad. Pretty boring really – spent the whole summer back in Cornwall with my family. Missed you all."  
  
"Well, we have to catch up as quickly as possible. I know – Oz has band rehearsal tonight – now _there's _a big surprise, huh – and Xander's out somewhere so how's about we have a girly night? Oh, unless you'd prefer to spend it alone with Willow?"  
  
"No – girl's night sounds just fine to me."  
  
"Great, I'll get the word to Anya and Cordy. About 8-ish?"  
  
"Okay. Look – I'll see you then. I have to run or I'll miss my registration spot."

-----------------------------------  
  
That night found the girls lying on the floor in the flat stuffing themselves full of pizza and in stitches over Anya's tales of her summer when she'd gone backpacking round Sweden and met this guy called Olaf. From her description of him they'd made a very unlikely couple and Anya had had to agree.  
  
"He was so possessive," she complained, taking another bite of her pizza, "and he insisted on calling me Aud! I have no idea why – Anya is a perfectly normal reasonable name! But he was quite sweet at times. Oh, did I tell you about the time when he and I..." Her tale was interrupted by a knock at the door.  
  
"I'll go," Willow sighed, dragging herself up from the sofa where she had been curled in Tara's arms.  
  
Willow re-entered the room some minutes later, closely followed by Riley.  
  
"Hi Buffy. I thought that we could spend our first night back together since, well, we haven't seen each other all summer." Riley looked hopeful.  
  
Buffy looked round the room at her friends and at Riley, "we had lunch together today and then you said that you were fine with me having a night with the girls. You said you had other things to do."  
  
"Yeah but that fell through and I thought that I could come round."  
  
Buffy looked round the now silent room wondering what to do, "Well... this is meant to be a girl's night."  
  
"But she's here," Riley said pointing at Tara.  
  
"And she would be a girl."  
  
"Yes, but also going out with Willow. So I can qualify under the going out with Buffy category"  
  
"Erm." Buffy looked round the room again wondering what the hell to do now. She wanted to spend time with Riley but she was enjoying the evening with her friends as well.  
  
"I don't mind if Riley's here," Tara spoke up nervously trying to break the awkward silence in the room.  
  
"That's settled then!" Riley threw himself onto the floor behind Buffy, put his arms round her and scooted her back into him. Buffy cuddled up to her boyfriend and handed him some pizza.  
  
"So, Anya, what about this guy in Sweden?" Cordy tried to steer the conversation back on track.  
  
"Oh – you go to Sweden this summer?" Riley interrupted before Anya could resume her tale, "I went to Italy – it was just great! Travelled round a lot. Went to Rome and did the whole Vatican City stuff and then went up to Naples and Venice." He turned to Buffy, "Have to take you there some time Buffy – city of love and all that."  
  
"That would be great!"  
  
"I have some great pictures. How about we go back to my room and I'll show them to you?"  
  
"What, now?"  
  
"No time like the present!"  
  
"But what about my night with my friends?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sure they won't mind – eh, girls? You can see your friends anytime. Come on." With that he pulled her up off the floor and off to his flat.  
  
"Riley – how could you do that?" Buffy fumed as they reached his bedroom.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I was having a really good time down there and you just waltz in and drag me off!"  
  
"Buff, I haven't seen you for months! I just wanted to spend some time alone with my girlfriend. I thought you'd be happy!"  
  
"Riley, of course I want to spend time with you but you knew that I had this planned – I ran it by you and everything! You said you had other things to do!"  
  
"I did but then I realised how much I wanted to see you so I cancelled them. I thought you'd feel the same way. I missed you." He sat down on the bed  
  
Buffy sighed as he looked up at her and relented, "missed you too."  
  
"Come here."


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**  
  
It was a few weeks into term and Riley had nearly moved into the flat. Buffy had realised very quickly that the only way to ever see her friends was to make her home the social hub of the group so it had become a fairly open house. Riley was at her side almost constantly these days and, though she found it a little claustrophobic, she put it down to the fact that he loved her and that's what couples were like.  
  
Wednesday afternoon found them all sitting in the living room watching TV. Not that there was much on but that didn't deter them as they watched reruns of "Grange Hill" and "Blue Peter" almost endlessly when they didn't have lectures.  
  
"This programme's never been the same since they stopped saying 'and here's one I made earlier'," Xander bemoaned as the Blue Peter Presenter produced a model of Wembley Stadium made completely out of used household items and poster paint.  
  
Everyone looked up as two sets of feet tramped down the stairs and Oz appeared with a guy that none of them had met before. Buffy examined the newcomer. He wasn't exactly tall but the way he stood seemed to make him appear tall though she wasn't sure why. He was definitely striking and just seemed to scream 'hey everyone, look at me' with his cut glass cheekbones, piercing blue eyes and bleached blonde hair. She really wasn't sure what to think.  
  
"Hey everybody," Oz was saying, "this is Spike – we're working on a project together.  
  
"Spike, this is Willow, Tara, Xander, Riley and Buffy." Oz indicated the figures scattered around the room. The newcomer eyed the group before him and his gaze fell on the petite blonde on the sofa. He stared at her and, as she returned his gaze, he knew that he just couldn't let it lie.  
  
"Buffy – what kind of a stupid name is that?" Spike asked with a smirk  
  
"Oh, and pot, kettle, black, Spike !"  
  
"Yeah, well, at least I have a proper name that's not all stupid." He was thrown slightly by her quick retort and struggled for a witty comeback. He failed.  
  
"And that would be?"  
  
"William"  
  
"Hah! That's worse than Spike." She snorted derogatively and turned back to the TV.  
  
"Yeah, right – Betty!"  
  
"It's Buffy!"  
  
"Whatever!" He threw himself down onto the sofa. "You know, this programme's never been the same since they stopped saying 'and here's one I made earlier'."  
  
"That's exactly what I was saying before!" Xander said to the bleached blonde without turning his head from the TV.  
  
"Okay, speaking as one of those who don't remember them ever saying 'and here's one I made earlier, may I please say 'huh'?" said Buffy.  
  
"Damn colonials, they just don't understand the intricacies of English telly – Blue Peter is a mainstay of children's TV. We were raised on this stuff and they always used to say 'and here's one I made earlier' whenever they produced the finished thing."  
  
"I disagree with the whole mainstay thing," Riley interrupted, "I could never stand Blue Peter as a kid."  
  
"How could you not religiously watch this? You'll be saying next that you never watched 'Why Don't You'!" Xander looked over at Riley with a look of shock.  
  
"Nope. Well, not until the summer I took my A-levels and then I didn't miss a show."  
  
"Okay, it's official – all British people are weird!" Buffy laughed as she got up to make herself a drink.

---------------------------------  
  
Spike and Oz had finally decided that their assignment couldn't be put off for any longer and they were sat in front of Oz's computer trying to get the whole thing finished as quickly as possible.  
  
"Man, this is going nowhere. I gotta take a break!" Oz stood up and stretched. "You want a drink?" he called, heading for the kitchen.  
  
"Sure."  
  
Oz was back a couple of minutes later and handed Spike a glass.  
  
"Thanks." He took a sip of the liquid and turned to Oz. "So, that Buffy chit seems alright." He raised an eyebrow expectantly as he waited for Oz's reply.  
  
"Don't even bother, man. That one is most definitely taken."  
  
"Oh. Right." Spike tried to hide his disappointment. "Let me guess – that Riley bloke."  
  
"Yeah. Those two are joined at the hip - together almost constantly. You'd think he lived here, he spends so much time here."  
  
"He doesn't?"  
  
"Nah – he lives in the flat upstairs. Nice guy really and completely in love with her. If you're thinking about making a move, well, don't." Oz looked at his friend, waiting for the confirmation he wanted.  
  
"Hey. That's not my style. I'd never move on another guy's girl. Know too well how that one feels from the receiving end." He shook his head and drained the glass he'd been holding. "Right! Back to work then."


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**  
  
A few weeks later, Buffy stood at the bus stop in the pouring rain, hugging her thin jacket round her body, trying in vain to regain some warmth. The one thing she hated about this damned country was the rain. It could come out of nowhere. She would never get used to it. It hadn't looked like rain a few hours ago when she'd left for lectures and she didn't have an umbrella with her but here it was anyway. And it wasn't just any rain, it was that horrible, nasty rain that soaks you to the skin in seconds, worms its way down the back of your neck and drips off your eyelashes. Buffy was miserable and to make it worse her bus was late – again.  
  
She silently cursed the fact that there was no parking on campus. She thought longingly about the little car parked outside the flat. She'd bought it last year so she and Willow could go exploring the country – usually with Xander, Tara and Riley as guides. It was always a squash to fit five into such a little car but no one seemed to mind too much and it was fun. If she could only park on campus she could be in home in minutes, warm and dry, instead of standing for what seemed like hours at a bus stop in the pouring rain, freezing cold and soaking wet. Buffy sighed and pushed her wet hair out of her eyes again, pulling her jacket further round her small frame.  
  
It was another ten minutes before the bus finally arrived and Buffy could climb aboard, pay the fare and find a seat. She stared out of the window at the sheeting rain, wondering if it would ever stop.  
  
Buffy slammed the door shut behind her when she finally reached home – 'wet and cold Buffy' generally equalled 'severely pissed off Buffy' – and bumped right into Spike who was just coming up the stairs.  
  
"Hey pet, watch where you're going will ya – you'll do a guy an injury!" He eyed her sodden state. "Raining, I take it?"  
  
She growled at him, "Ha ha – very funny. Yes! Oh great observant one – it's raining. And what are you doing here again anyway?"  
  
"'Nother assignment. Got'em every week now, so you'd better get used to having me around."  
  
"And you're always going to do them here – don't you have a home to go to?"  
  
"Yes, and yes. But they're always going to be group work – that means working with Oz. Also I have a tiny little room and flatmates from hell – it's much nicer here. Anyway, it's hard enough as it is to drag Oz away from band rehearsals to get these assignments done without having to rely on his ability to get off his arse and come round mine – much easier to come here," he looked down at her feet, "And luv? You're dripping on the carpet."  
  
Buffy looked down to see that he was right – a definite damp patch was forming around her feet. "Fine. If this is going to be your second home you can make yourself useful – mine's a tea, one sugar, not much milk. I'm going to have a shower and get changed – and no hogging the sofa!"  
  
Ten minutes later Buffy came down stairs dressed in a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt, her feet clad in her furry bunny slippers as she busily towel-dried her hair.  
  
Spike looked up from his position, sprawled on the couch, "Better pet? Tea's there." He indicated the steaming mug of brown liquid on the coffee table by his knee.  
  
Buffy threw herself down onto the couch beside Spike and eagerly grabbed the mug, warming her hands round it. She brought it to her lips and took a sip, feeling the hot liquid travel down her throat and the heat spread through her body. "God, I needed that! How can you live in a country that has so much rain?"  
  
"You deal with it – and you carry an umbrella."  
  
"Yeah. I have one, but it didn't look like rain when I left for classes."  
  
"Luv?" Spike glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow. "You've been here for over a year now, right?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"And you still don't carry an umbrella with you at all times in autumn?"  
  
Buffy pouted, "It doesn't fit in my bag."  
  
Spike chuckled at that. "Then I suggest you either get a smaller umbrella or a bigger bag because I hate to tell you this, but the 'drowned rat' look is out this season."  
  
"Thanks – tell me something I don't already know! What are you, the fountain of all knowledge?" Buffy teased, poking Spike gently in the ribs.  
  
"Oi! You stop that right now!"  
  
"Or what?" She smirked and poked him again.  
  
"Or this!" Spike launched himself at her, hands diving to her waist as he began to tickle her mercilessly.  
  
"Stop it! Stop it!" Buffy gasped between laughs.  
  
"Promise you'll never poke me again!"  
  
"I. Can't. Promise. That." She wheezed.  
  
"Say it!" He continued to tickle her with one hand as he held her down on the sofa with his other arm.  
  
She gazed into his clear blue eyes, only inches away from her own and smiled. "No" she said sweetly before kicking up with her legs and neatly flipping him off her and on to the floor.  
  
Xander and Riley chose that minute to enter the room. They both looked at Spike lying collapsed on the floor with Buffy laughing hysterically at the sight.  
  
"You okay mate?" Xander asked, helping Spike up off the floor.  
  
"Yeah – just learned an important lesson. Always pin her legs down before tickling that one." He indicated, Buffy who was now trying desperately to stop laughing.  
  
Riley walked across the room towards Buffy, patting Spike on the shoulder as he passed. "Let me give you a word of advice: don't go for the feet. Very, very painful." He sat down next to Buffy and laid an arm round her shoulder to bring her into his embrace. "Well done sweetie – you managed to get one over on the big bad." The two looked at each other and both burst out laughing.  
  
"Hey, no need to be like that about it. She just caught me by surprise, that's all." Spike sulked as he straightened his clothes.  
  
"Hey man, it's not you. It's their private little joke. No one beats Buffy in a tickling fight. Just accept it and try to escape with some sort of manly pride left intact. And don't go for her feet." Xander advised before turning to the couple on the sofa. "So, what's the plan for tonight?"  
  
"Plan? There's no plan" said Buffy.  
  
"Buffy and were thinking of having a quiet night in," agreed Riley  
  
Xander turned to Spike.  
  
"How about you? Up for a night on the town?"  
  
"Sorry mate, no can do – as soon as Oz is back we're hard at work on the latest project."  
  
"When's it in for?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Tomorrow morning."  
  
"How much you got left to do?" Riley asked.  
  
"Hmm. All of it."  
  
"You haven't started yet?" Buffy asked incredulously.  
  
"Not really. I mean we got as far as organising for me to come over tonight but that's about it." Spike shrugged and sat down in the armchair.  
  
"Aren't you worried you won't get it done?"  
  
"Not really. At worst we'll just work through the night. Done it before, do it again."  
  
"You can't do that!" She exclaimed.  
  
"Why not? Gets the work done."  
  
"But what about your grade?"  
  
"Trust me – the mark we get will be generally the same as the one we'd get anyway. Between Oz and me, these assignments aren't that hard."  
  
"So, if this doesn't take you all night, what you gonna do?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Walk home, most likely. Don't have a car at the moment – totalled the last one over the summer and the student loan won't stretch to cover another one – and the buses will probably have stopped running, so no real choice there."  
  
"Spike, it's probably miles and," Buffy pointed to the small basement window that was still being battered by the storm raging outside, "in case it had escaped your notice it is still raining out there."  
  
"You have a better idea?"  
  
"Yeah – this sofa's a pullout bed. We have spare bedding. You can sleep here." She looked at Xander and Riley for confirmation.  
  
"Sure, fine by me." Xander shrugged.  
  
"Sounds like a plan. Though this isn't actually my house, in case you hadn't noticed," said Riley.  
  
"Yeah, but as you're like a permanent resident, I thought you'd like a say in this one."  
  
"Thanks sweetie."  
  
"No big."  
  
"So, back to me," Xander interrupted the brewing moment of sickening sweetness from the couple on the sofa, "is there no one who'll go out with me tonight?"  
  
"Doesn't look that way mate." Spike commiserated.  
  
"Nope. Willow and Tara have gone out to a romantic meal at La Tasca down on Deansgate so they're not due back for hours and I'm sure that they won't want disturbing when they do get back." Buffy glared meaningfully at Xander.  
  
"Hey! As if I would!"  
  
The rest of the room just turned and looked at him in astonishment.  
  
"What?"


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
Buffy came down the next morning to find a sleeping Spike curled up on the sofa wrapped in her spare duvet. She sat down on the edge of the coffee table and watched him sleep.  
  
When she and Riley had gone to bed he and Oz were still hard at work on their project, Oz having finally come home at around eight that evening. Not that Spike had minded waiting – he had all the gang to keep him company. In fact, once Oz did get home they still wasted quite a lot of time chatting with everybody before finally getting down to work.  
  
As predicted, Willow and Tara had come home at about 10:00 but, after saying hi to everyone, they'd quickly disappeared off back upstairs and weren't seen for the rest of the night.  
  
Buffy jumped slightly as Spike rolled over and opened one bleary eye, "What time is it?" he groaned.  
  
"Hmm, almost 10.30." Buffy shrugged. "Did I wake you?"  
  
"No, not really. Though I do feel like I could do with a few more hours. Thanks for the bed, luv. You were right – I really didn't want to walk home last night."  
  
"What time did you finish in the end?"  
  
"About 4am."  
  
"And where do you live anyway?"  
  
"Up by the campus in the city centre."  
  
"God, I would give anything to live there. You must have a great place!"  
  
"Not really – it's a dive. Thought that living right next to campus would make up for it, and I was completely wrong." Spike sat up and stretched.  
  
"Yeah, but no taking the bus in the morning."  
  
"You really hate that, don't you?"  
  
"In so many ways!"  
  
"Why don't you get a car then?" He asked as he swung his legs round to sit on the edge of the sofa bed.  
  
"That's the annoying thing. I have a car but, unless it's escaped your attention, there's no parking on campus."  
  
"Oh, that's not a problem. Just told you – I don't have a car at the moment."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Well, the flat I rent comes with a car parking space. You can park there and it's only a couple of minutes walk to the campus. You might have to pretend you live with me if any of the other residents ask, but they won't."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Buffy flung her arms round Spike and hugged him.  
  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She exclaimed. "You've saved me from a life of endless torture!"  
  
"Hey! No need to get all melodramatic on me there. It's only a parking space!"  
  
"To you, maybe. To me, it's so much more."  
  
"Right," Spike looked at her as though she'd just grown an extra head.  
  
"I really owe you for this one."  
  
Spike's face lit up, "Does this mean I get to win the next tickling match?"  
  
"I don't owe you that much." Buffy got up from her perch on the edge of the coffee table and walked towards the kitchen. "But it might stretch towards getting you a cuppa. What's your drink?"  
  
"Coffee – black, three sugars."  
  
"Caffeine freak!"  
  
"Don't you just know it baby." Spike said with a leer.  
  
Buffy ignored him and walked off into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with two steaming mugs.  
  
"What is it with you and tea?" Spike asked. "I thought all Americans drank coffee and tea was the preserve of us Brits."  
  
"Yeah, well, it was Xander last year. Made me try it and I got hooked I guess – not as bad as I thought it would be."  
  
"Oh." Spike took a sip of his coffee. "So, where's Riley? You two seem to be generally joined at the hip at the moment."  
  
"He had an early class. And we're not joined at the hip. We just spend a lot of time together."  
  
"Yeah, almost all day, every day."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with that!"  
  
"I never said there was, did I? No need to get all defensive."  
  
"I'm not getting defensive!"  
  
"And that's my cue to change the subject." He took a long sip of his coffee. "You got lectures today?"  
  
"No – only have to be in Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays but I have an assignment due in a couple of weeks so I have to go to the library to read up on it."  
  
"See, that's the beauty of my course, it's not high on the whole reading and research thing. There might be a lot of assignments but at least they're not all essays that have to be several thousand words long."  
  
"It's really not that bad. I don't mind doing them, though the amount of reading that I have to do sometime gets to me." She looked at her watch. "Crap, it's getting late. I really should go or I'll be in there all day. Is it still alright to park at yours?"  
  
"Of course. Tell you what – wait 'til I'm dressed and give me a lift. I'll show you where I live and where to park."


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
Parking at Spike's soon became a habit for Buffy. If any of the others were heading into uni at the same time they would take advantage of this as well but generally it was just Buffy, as her lectures seemed to clash with everyone else's.  
  
She was especially grateful for the routine that day. The weather had steadily worsened through November, the frequent rain steadily getting colder and, on the days when it didn't rain, frost generally covered the ground in the morning. This had been one of those days. She'd had to scrape the ice off her car that morning before heading in and she had had a full day of lectures and seminars but at least she'd avoided freezing at the bus stop.  
  
She arrived back at her car to see a white scrap of paper pinned to her windscreen by the wipers, gently flapping in the light breeze. She leaned across the car and rescued it, unfolding the paper to read the words scrawled on it:  
  
Come on up.  
  
Kettle's on.  
  
-- Spike  
  
Buffy smiled and walked towards Spike's flat.  
  
"Finally!" He exclaimed when he opened the door and let her in. "I thought you'd've been here hours ago."  
  
"When did you put that message out there?" Buffy asked, shrugging off her coat as she followed him up the stairs.  
  
"Around lunchtime." He shrugged. "Thought you finished early on a Tuesday."  
  
"That's Thursday."  
  
They stood awkwardly at the top of the stair for a minute. Buffy had never actually been into his flat before and Spike hadn't really thought she'd respond to his impulsive invitation.  
  
"Well. Tea then." Spike interrupted the silence.  
  
"Please." She followed him into the kitchen and lent against the worktop as he made the drinks.  
  
"Here you go," he handed her a mug. "I'd recommend we take these into my room. It's only us here at the moment but the others will be home in a bit and I really can't face them."  
  
"They can't be that bad." She said, following him out of the kitchen and back along the corridor.  
  
"That's what I thought when I moved in but I soon changed my mind. No, I generally avoid them. It's best that way. Here we go," he opened the door in front of them and gestured for Buffy to enter the room. "This is me."  
  
Buffy looked round the small room. "I see what you meant when you said that there wasn't much space." She stood in the middle of the room looking for somewhere to sit. Finally she gave up when she realised there were no chairs and sat on the single bed, propping her back up against the wall. Spike sat down a little further along the bed.  
  
"I s'pose if you were trying to be optimistic you could call it cosy," Buffy ventured, sipping her tea.  
  
"And if you weren't it would be cramped." Spike grumbled.  
  
"Ever the pessimist, aren't you?"  
  
"Oi! I prefer cynical or realistic if you don't mind."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping their drinks.  
  
"I didn't think you'd come." Spike eventually said in a voice almost quiet enough to be a whisper looking determinedly down at his mug of coffee.  
  
Buffy looked at him, puzzled. "What made you think that?"  
  
"Dunno. Glad you did though. 'S nice to have you here." He wouldn't meet her eyes.  
  
She looked at him, intently staring at the contents of his mug, and frowned. "You can be really strange you know," she stated. "Really, really weird. Why wouldn't I come up? You're a friend, you invited me round, and so I came. That's a normal thing you know."  
  
Spike raised his eyes and looked at her in earnest, "So you're saying I'm a friend?" he asked tentatively.  
  
"Of course." Buffy wondered where this was going.  
  
"So, in that case I'm not just an annoyance that's always hanging round your house, like you keep calling me?" A smirk started to form on Spike's face.  
  
Buffy realised that she'd just been cornered into losing her favourite way of winding the other blonde up. "Okay, I admit it. You're okay."  
  
"Just okay?"  
  
"So, maybe I quite like having you around." She mumbled.  
  
Spike's smirk erupted fully formed now, "Knew I could get you to admit it!" he crowed triumphantly.  
  
"Oh, god – I'm never going to hear the end of this one, am I?"  
  
Buffy took another sip of her drink and shivered slightly.  
  
"Don't you have central heating in this house? It's freezing in this room!"  
  
"Ah. And we add yet another downside of Casa del Spike to our ever-growing list. No central heating." He shrugged. "I'd love to say that you get used to it, but you don't. I have the redeeming feature of an extremely thick duvet." He indicated the bed covering and lifted up a corner. "Help yourself."  
  
Buffy gratefully climbed under the duvet at the bottom of the bed as Spike did the same at the top. They sat there is companionable silence, each sipping their drinks, glad of the warmth in the otherwise cold room.  
  
Buffy finished her tea and sighed slightly, looking at her watch. "Is that the time? I really have to go."  
  
"Already?" Spike looked at her as she moved to climb out of the bed.  
  
"Yep. Have some work to do on my next paper tonight and Riley's coming round."  
  
"You two going out tonight then?"  
  
"No. He's just coming round." She stood up. "This was nice. Maybe I could come round again sometime?"  
  
"Sure. I'll make sure to leave you a little note again next time I'm in." He smiled.  
  
"Great. I'd like that. Well. I guess I'll see you next time you're round ours?"  
  
"And that would probably be tomorrow then."  
  
"Oh, right. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. I take it you'll be wanting the bed again?"  
  
"Probably. Gonna be another all-nighter by the looks of things."  
  
"Fine – one bed booked for the night! If you're lucky I might feed you as well."  
  
"Ooh, aren't I the lucky one? Or not." He frowned as a thought occurred to him. "Can you actually cook?"  
  
"Yes! I'll have you know that I have mastered the ancient art of stir-fry." She watched the slightly sceptical look appear on Spike's face. "Okay, okay. So I can throw some meat and veg into a pan with a sachet of flavouring. I'll have you know it's very good." She nodded affirmatively. "Riley likes it."  
  
"I'm sure he does, pet." Spike grinned at her. "That would be great – thanks. Tomorrow night then."  
  
"Sure, see ya then."  
  
Buffy turned and left with a smile on her face.  
  
Riley was waiting for her when she arrived home.  
  
"I thought you'd be back an hour ago – where've you been?"  
  
"Oh, Spike left a note on my car asking if I wanted to come up for tea. He wasn't kidding when he said that he had a really small room, you know. It's tiny." She shrugged off her coat and wandered into the kitchen. "You want a drink?"  
  
"No thanks." Riley followed her in. "You were at Spike's?"  
  
"Yeah, we had some tea and chatted for a bit."  
  
"Oh." Riley looked down at the small woman. "I missed you." He pulled her into his embrace.  
  
"Yeah," she smiled slightly and pulled herself out of the hug, "missed you too. I thought you weren't coming over until later? Not that I mind," she hurriedly clarified, "but you know that I have work to do on my latest paper tonight. I've been putting it off for days now and I need a good grade on this one or I'll have to ace the exam and I really don't want that kind of pressure come summer."  
  
"I just came round to say 'hi' really. I know that you have all this work to do at the minute. And then you weren't here so I thought I'd wait 'til you got back. But if you're too busy to spend time with me..."  
  
"Baby, you understand, don't you? How about you come round at about 8:30 tonight? I should be done by then, okay?"  
  
"Okay. I'll see you later then." He kissed her softly and then turned to leave.  
  
Buffy watched him go and then sagged back against the worktop. Riley had been spending more and more time at the flat these days and, as a result, her grades were slowly slipping. She just didn't seem to be able to get anything done. And her friends weren't too happy about it. It had been weeks since she'd been out with them. She knew that Riley wouldn't stop her going out with them; it was just that he got this hurt puppy look on his face whenever she said that she wanted to spend time with anyone else. She hated that look and the guilt it made her feel, so she put off doing anything other than being with Riley. 


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
Buffy trudged through the first snow of winter. It hadn't snowed at all last year and she'd been told that to have deep snow in early December was almost unheard of. When it had started snowing the day before, Buffy was intrigued, having only seen snow before on skiing trips. But she had to admit that driving into the city centre this morning for lectures hadn't been fun and she really wasn't looking forward to the drive home.  
  
She had to laugh when she got back to the car to find a miniature snowman sitting on the bonnet, complete with pebbles for eyes, a stub of pencil for a pipe and a little origami paper hat on its head. She shook her head and smiled as she read the now familiar note that this time was scrawled on the remaining space.  
  
Come on up.  
  
Kettle's on.  
  
-- Spike.  
  
It had become a familiar message over the last month and Buffy couldn't deny her sense of disappointment on the few days when the note had been missing. She wasn't sure what it was about her time with Spike that she looked forward to. He was usually abrasive and more often than not they ended up arguing, but at the same time she never felt that she had to watch herself round him. She could give as good as she got and never had to worry about him taking offence, the way Riley did.  
  
That stopped her train of thought. Why was she comparing Spike to Riley? There was no comparison. Riley was sweet and lovely and adored her. And he was her boyfriend and Spike could never compare to that. She would never want to compare Spike to Riley. Spike was a friend. That was all, just a friend. And a friend of Riley's as well. Riley, who was her boyfriend.  
  
She shook off the train of thought before it got too confusing and went over to the door of Spike's flat. It was ajar, so she pushed it open and climbed the stairs.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Up 'ere pet!" Spike's voice travelled down the stairwell. "I've just put the kettle on and I've made some toast. Thought you might be hungry."  
  
"You know, you really shouldn't leave the door open. I could have been anyone."  
  
"Nah." Spike appeared at the top of the stairs, plate in one hand and a couple of steaming mugs in the other. "Knew it was you – saw you get to the car."  
  
"Oh." She accepted the proffered mug gratefully and warmed her hands round it as she followed Spike into his room, taking her now customary place under the duvet at the foot of his bed.  
  
They sat there for a moment but Buffy broke the silence.  
  
"You going to the Christmas Ball this year?"  
  
"Nah, pro'bly not." He shrugged. "It's usually crap anyway. Will be going to the summer one though – that's usually a laugh."  
  
"You're not going? I thought you would have been flicking through your little black book for a willing date." Buffy grinned at him over the rim of her mug.  
  
"Oh, yeah, 'cos I've got 'em lining up round the block, right?" Spike asked sardonically.  
  
"Well, I thought..." Buffy looked surprised.  
  
"Nah." Spike rallied slightly. "Not that they wouldn't be if I'd let them, of course."  
  
"Oh, of course." Buffy agreed trying not to smile.  
  
"It's just that, well, I haven't really much felt like dating since Dru."  
  
"Dru?" Buffy frowned as she tried to remember if he'd ever mentioned the girl before.  
  
"My ex. Don't talk about her much these days."  
  
"Well, if you don't want to..." Buffy was intrigued, but she didn't want to pry into her friend's life.  
  
"It's okay. She was my everything. We were together almost from the day we started uni here. Lived together last year. I thought everything was perfect, couldn't be better. I thought we'd always be together." His brow darkened. "I was wrong. Found out at the end of last year that all the time she'd been cheating on me. Carrying on with all kinds of different guys. And you know the worst of it? Everyone knew. Everyone except me! And no-one saw fit to tell me!"  
  
"Spike." Buffy shuffled down the bed and took Spike into her arms. "It must have been awful for you." She stroked his head as she felt him sob slightly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."  
  
Spike sniffed a little and raised his head to look at her, wiping a tear from his cheek. "It's okay. I guess I needed that really, bit of a rant y'know." He forced a smile then frowned. "But if you tell anyone about this girly crying thing..."  
  
"I know, I know - you'll be forced to kill me." She smiled at him and let her arms drop but remained lying beside him on the bed.  
  
"Exactly. It'd hurt the image." He nodded resolutely.  
  
"Image?" She laughed at him. "What image?"  
  
"Oi! Less of that please, you know exactly what I'm talking about."  
  
Her laughter subsided into a small chuckle, "Guess I just know you too well for the whole leather and black denim thing to wear with me. You're just a cuddly puppy." She mussed his hair playfully, leaning on one elbow over him.  
  
"God! Why do I put up with you girl?" Spike groaned, pushing her away from him and onto her back on the bed as he desperately tried to restore some order to his now chaotic hair.  
  
"Because I'm so wonderful." Buffy said matter-of-factly, hazel eyes twinkling with amusement as she looked up at him from where she was lying.  
  
"Right, of course, how could I ever forget?" He replied derisively.  
  
They were still lying next to each other on the bed, amiably chatting three hours later when Spike looked up at the clock on his wall.  
  
"Pet? It's getting late. Not that I want to kick you out or anything, but isn't Riley usually waiting for you to get home."  
  
Buffy shrugged. "He can wait. He knows where I'll be so he won't worry. I'll just tell him we lost track of time."  
  
Spike frowned and looked at the girl snuggled under his duvet.  
  
"Is everything all right between you two?"  
  
"Of course. Everything's fine. Why shouldn't it be?" She asked. She seemed to be genuinely surprised that he felt the need to ask.  
  
"Well, you do seem to be spending more and more time over here lately. When you first started coming round it was for a quick cuppa and then you just had to get home because he'd be worried, but now you always seem reluctant to leave."  
  
"Everything's fine. Really." She suddenly looked uncomfortable, as if this was the first time that she'd realised that she was lying next to him, in his bed, under the covers. "But you're right. I guess I should be going."  
  
With that she sprang out of the bed, slipped on her shoes and hurried out of the flat, still pulling on her jacket. Spike looked after the retreating girl, a look of concern on his face. 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
"Buffy?" Willow turned to her friend as they sat in the departure lounge of Manchester Airport, waiting for their flight back to the States for the Christmas vacation to be called. "Is everything going okay between you and Riley?"  
  
"Huh?" Buffy looked up from her magazine, slightly startled at Willow's sudden question. "Where did that one come from, Will? I mean, of course everything's all right with us. Why shouldn't it be?"  
  
"I just get the feeling that..." Willow trailed off.  
  
"The feeling that what, exactly? First Spike and now you – why is everyone convinced that Riley and I have problems all of a sudden?" Buffy snapped.  
  
"Hey! You don't have to get like that! You just don't seem to be as happy around Riley as you used to, that's all."  
  
"Just because I don't fawn all over him all the time doesn't mean we're having problems. Riley and I are fine, don't worry about us."  
  
"Then why are you spending longer and longer at Spike's every time you go into college?" Willow asked carefully.  
  
"Are you suggesting that there's something going on with me and Spike?" Buffy laughed at the thought. "I can honestly say there's nothing going on between us; nothing could be further from the truth."  
  
"I know there's nothing going on between you two, don't worry. And Riley knows that there isn't either, but you seem to be putting off coming home in the evenings. Is it Riley? Is it the rest of us?"  
  
"Oh, Willow." Buffy suddenly realised that her friend was really worried. "It's nothing like that, honestly. It's just that Spike and I get chatting and lose track of time. And you're usually busy with Tara anyway, and Xander has his own friends. Oz is never there."  
  
"And Riley...?" Willow probed.  
  
"...I see every day when I get home. You know he's always there waiting for me. I'm not avoiding him if that's what you're trying to get at. Honestly, I'm not."  
  
Willow didn't look convinced, but she let the subject drop. What she hadn't told Buffy was that they were all concerned that her relationship with Riley was going through a bad patch. Hell, even Xander had noticed it, which must mean that it was glaringly obvious to the whole world. The whole world, that was, with exception of the two people it involved – Buffy and Riley were totally convinced that everything was fine.  
  
"Maybe it is." Willow muttered to herself as their flight was called and the two girls headed home for the Christmas break. 


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
"You take care, okay sweetheart?" Joyce called to her daughter from the car.  
  
Buffy leaned in through the car window from the curb.  
  
"Of course I will, mom. I'll see you in March okay? Good luck with the gallery show next week." The clock on the dash board caught her eye, "Ah, look mom, I've gotta run or I'll be late for my flight and Willow will never let me hear the end of it!"  
  
Joyce smiled, "Go on then. And say 'hi' to Willow for me – I thought we would have seen her while you were both home."  
  
"I told you mom, she went away to see her cousins. I really, really have to go. Bye mom!" This last was called as Buffy made her way into the main terminal building of LAX to check in for her flight.  
  
"Will! Hi, thought you'd already be here. So, how was the vacation?" Buffy sat down next to the redhead who had been quietly sitting down at the gate flicking through a magazine. Willow looked up when her friend sat down and put the magazine back into her bag.  
  
"Hi Buffy. Vacation was great. It was so nice to see everybody – you know, I haven't seen them all for years. Last time I visited my cousin, Sarah, and her husband, John, had just had twins and now they're 5! But they are so cute. Two little girls and they're completely identical – I couldn't tell them apart at first. It was so confusing, but they have totally different personalities." Willow smiled as she told Buffy all about the wonderful time she'd had while she was home.  
  
"And what about you – how was Christmas with your mom and Dawn?" Willow asked when she'd finished.  
  
"Oh, the usual," Buffy shrugged, then smiled. "Not really. It was great to be home – even if we did miss Thanksgiving. Mom made us a special meal to make up for it on the night I got back. I swear, I will never have to eat again – I don't think I've stopped eating since I got home! But look, isn't this cute?" She indicated the small silver horseshoe pendant that hung around her neck. "Dawn bought it for me! I can't believe my bratty little sister actually bought me something nice for once!"  
  
"Isn't that a little unfair?" Willow frowned.  
  
"Right. You've never had the pleasure of meeting Dawn, have you? Well, not really. She was away when you came to visit last summer. You need to withhold judgement on the fairness of that statement until you've actually met her. It's not unfair. But it is lovely, isn't it? Ooh, and speaking of presents..." Buffy reached down into her bag and produced a small gift- wrapped box. "I know you don't do Christmas, being Jewish and all, but I saw this and couldn't resist. It's part not-Christmas present and half for snapping at you on the way back when you asked about Riley. I'm sorry."  
  
Willow's eyes lit up as she took the small box from Buffy's outstretched hands. She examined the gift from all sides. It was an unspoken rule between the two that presents were a luxury that neither could afford to give so this was completely unexpected.  
  
"I, I..." she stammered.  
  
"Look, just open it!" Buffy grinned.  
  
Willow, needing no further encouragement, tore the wrapping from the package, revealing a small, plain, brown cardboard box. She gingerly lifted the lid of the box to expose several layers of filmy cream tissue paper. Willow peeled these back and gasped as she exposed what lay beneath. It was a perfectly worked piece of glass, about twice the size of the palm of her hand. It had been edged with piping and hand-painted with a delicate design of gold swirls, in-filled with lilac and pale green iridescent paint. Attached to the top was a narrow length of wire.  
  
"You're meant to hang it at your window so that it catches the sun." Buffy explained tentatively as she watched her friend examine the piece silently. Willow looked up.  
  
"It's beautiful." She declared. "Wherever did you find it?"  
  
"I was shopping in Sunnydale and there was this new store I'd never seen before and it had these up in the window. They just looked so pretty and I thought of you straight away. You do like it, right?" Buffy asked nervously.  
  
"Of course I like it, silly." Willow pulled her friend into a hug. "Thank you."  
  
"So, you'll forgive me for being such a bitch before? About Riley."  
  
"Already forgotten."  
  
Both girls looked up as their plane was called and they busied themselves with boarding.  
  
"You might have had a point."  
  
Willow jumped slightly at Buffy's statement. She had been lost in staring out of the small window of the plane, thinking of Tara and wondering how she had fared over the Christmas period.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"I said, I think you might have had a point."  
  
Willow frowned, not understanding. "A point about what?"  
  
"Me and Riley. What you said before Christmas. About whether there was anything wrong. I think you might have been right."  
  
Willow turn round to face her friend, realising that she wanted to talk about what had been going on, happy that she had finally decided to open up.  
  
"Go on."  
  
"Well, the thing is, I'm not sure if you would call it a problem or not. It's just that, well..." Buffy paused, biting her bottom lip slightly and staring down at her lap as she wondered how to phrase what she had to say next.  
  
"Yes..." Willow encouraged.  
  
"Well, he was really sweet when we first met. I had no idea what to do – I was in a new country, in a city much, much bigger than the town I grew up in and it was all so overwhelming. And there was Riley – so confident, so sure of himself. And it was like he took me under his wing. He showed me round and helped me find my feet. He was always there. He was interested in what I was interested in and wanted to do what I wanted to do. And my friends are his friends. And he is wonderful. And I can't fault him. But..."  
  
"But..." Willow echoed.  
  
"But now I feel that I'm not a 'me' anymore. I feel like I'm one half of 'Riley and Buffy'. He's always there. Always. I've stopped going out because he always wants to come and acts all hurt if I try to tell him that he can't. I mean, when was the last time that we went out anywhere together, just you and me, Will?"  
  
Willow thought, good point. She shrugged.  
  
"Exactly. So, the Spike thing – I guess you were right when you asked if I was avoiding Riley. I guess I am, but not because I don't want to be with him, I do, just not all the time. And Spike's is so easy because I'm already there, and I know that I don't have to stay if I don't want to and he won't mind if I have to go. It's just that, when I'm there and Riley's not I feel like I can get back a bit of my life. My life, not 'Buffy and Riley's life.'" She paused and looked at Willow. "Am I making any sense or is this all just insane ramblings?"  
  
Willow smiled slightly, "it makes sense, I guess. Have you talked to Riley about any of this?"  
  
"I've tried, but it's not easy to get things through to Riley that he doesn't want to hear and I'm really afraid that it'll come out wrong. I don't want to break up with him; I just need a bit of space. God, Will, I really don't know what to do about all of this. I guess I was hoping that if I ignored it all for long enough it would just all go away – you know?"  
  
"I know. And I also know that that only actually happens in stories. Hate to be the one to tell you this Buffy, but this is real life and you're going to have to deal with it." Willow pursed her lips. "Do you want me to have a word with him for you? Maybe the whole 'objective angle' thing will work slightly better."  
  
"Oh, Willow. Would you? That would be so great if you could!"  
  
"But, you have to do something too."  
  
"Of course, what?"  
  
"Stop hiding at Spike's every night."  
  
Buffy's face fell. She loved the evenings she spent at Spike's and not just for the few hours of Riley-avoiding they gave her. Willow watched the conflicting emotions play across her friend's face as she made up her mind and wondered again if there wasn't more brewing between the two than mere friendship.  
  
"Buffy? See this, this is my resolve face. That's the deal – stop hiding and I will talk to Riley."  
  
"Okay, fine." Buffy knew that Willow was right – if she wanted to get this thing sorted out with Riley she had to stop hiding from him. 


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
The New Year had started out cold and, as January progressed, it had only got colder. Buffy had found herself waking each morning to clear blue skies, but, unlike those she was used to in her native California, she soon remembered what she had learnt in her first year – blue skies in a British winter meant only one thing. It would be bitterly cold. It was now the end of January and things were showing no sign of improving.  
  
Buffy sighed as she caught sight of yet another note trapped under her windscreen wiper, threatening to be blow away in the gale that whipped around the corner of the tall building, icy cold and biting even through her warm winter coat. There had been a note on her car every day in the weeks since term had started, but Buffy, true to her promise to her friend, had ignored each and every one of them. She hadn't even gone up to Spike's flat to explain why she couldn't come round. She knew that he would find a way through her carefully built armour and talk her into staying. He just seemed to have a knack for seeing through what she said to him.  
  
You could just tell him the truth the little voice in the back of her head said.  
  
What, the fact that I can't come round for tea anymore because I'm having problems with my relationship and I need to try and work them out instead of hiding round his house all the time? She asked herself.  
  
That's not the truth I was talking about, the little voice said. I'm talking about the truth that you'd prefer to spend all your time with Spike rather than any time with Riley. That truth. The truth you won't let yourself admit.   
  
With that Buffy pushed the little voice far down inside with a mental la, la, la – I'm not listening. That wasn't why she couldn't spend time with Spike right now. It was all about not avoiding Riley – not about spending too much time with Spike. Spending far too much time lying on his bed with him, teasing and flirting with each other the little voice whispered up from where it had been banished to in the depths of her mind.  
  
She plucked the note from the windscreen and screwed it into a ball, not even reading it, already aware of what it said. She would explain when he came round, she decided. After all, he spent almost as much time at her flat as she did at his and, as he hadn't been round yet this term that meant that he should be appearing on her doorstep any day now. Then she would explain. She sighed, got into her car and drove home.  
  
"Hiya! Anyone home?" Buffy called as she dumped her bag in her room before venturing downstairs to the living room.  
  
Riley looked up from his position on the sofa.  
  
"Just me – all the others are out." He said, getting up to envelope her in a hug.  
  
Buffy frowned and pulled back from his arms. "Then how did you get in?" She asked.  
  
"I've been here most of the day. I had some work to do, but I knew that you'd be back before everyone else, so I got Xander to let me in before he went out this morning and I've been working on your computer." He shrugged. "Knew that you'd be home anytime, so I stopped about five minutes ago. So, just you and me, all alone - thought we could do with some quality time together." He smiled down at her.  
  
"So, you've been here for what," she looked at her watch, "five hours now, on your own. Working in my room, on my computer? Why didn't you just work from your own apartment – it's only upstairs. I could have come round when I finished classes you know."  
  
Riley's face fell, "I thought that you would be pleased and pleasantly surprised, not pissed off!"  
  
Buffy sighed as she realised that Willow had obviously still not had a chance to talk to him yet.  
  
"I'm not pissed off Riley. I'm just..." she contemplated telling him what was on her mind, but chickened out. "Tired, that's all. I had a long day and was looking forward to a nice relaxing bath before I had to face anybody."  
  
"If you have a bath, can I come and scrub your back?" He asked, suggestively.  
  
"Riley! That's not the kind of bath I had in mind. I was talking about a hot, deep bath with lots of bubbles and on my own." She smiled up at him. "Look, I won't be long and I swear that the Buffy who comes out of the bath will be a much pleasanter Buffy than the one standing before you right now – okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
It was true as well, Buffy reflected as she dressed before heading back downstairs. Post-bath Buffy was a much more pleasant entity. Not to mention warmer she thought as she listened to the gale that howled round the exterior of the old building.  
  
The house was busier now as the flat went through its usual evening routine. Xander had got an X-box for Christmas and Buffy had to laugh at the howls and cries of frustration coming from the sofa as he and Riley battled it out in some game or another. She followed the fabulous smells emanating from the kitchen to find Willow and Tara in the middle of cooking together. They smiled as she walked in and Willow offered her a spoon filled with the same stuff that was busy simmering in a pan on the stove.  
  
"Here, try."  
  
Buffy took the spoon and blew gently on the mixture before gingerly tasting it. It was quite hot and spicy, but truly delicious.  
  
"Mmm, what is it?"  
  
"Chicken Dopiaza." Tara explained. Seeing Buffy's look of confusion, she continued, "It's a type of curry. My brother bought me a book of Indian recipes for Christmas. Apparently he thought that that's all we'd be eating living up here in Manchester." Buffy still looked confused.  
  
"You know," Willow prompted, "because Manchester is famous for its curries."  
  
"Right. Er, tell me that this must be a guy thing, because I'm not really seeing the connection here." Buffy ventured.  
  
Tara grinned, "It's a guy thing. I was just as confused as you are when he gave it to me. I mean, I know that you can get a great curry here and that there's Rusholme and the 'curry-mile' and everything, but how he got from that to the perfect gift for a sister being an Indian recipe book I just don't know! Anyway, we thought that it should be used so here we are, using it. Not bad for a first try, hey?"  
  
"I'd say! You going to have any left over?" Buffy asked hopefully.  
  
"Oh, definitely! The book only does recipes for 6 people so, once Oz gets back, that's enough for a family meal."  
  
Willow caught the look that Buffy flashed her at this and smiled nervously.  
  
"Oh, yeah. I haven't actually had a chance to have that little conversation. But I will, don't worry – as soon as I get the chance."  
  
Buffy smiled at her friend, chuckling somewhat at her obvious anxiety. "I know you will, Will.  
  
"So, is there anything I can do to help?" She said, changing the subject and preparing to lend a hand with the meal.  
  
Oz arrived home just in time to sit down and eat the finished product. Between them the girls had managed to rustle up a veritable feast. Tara, who had masterminded the whole operation and, if they were being honest, was the only one who had any real idea of what each dish was, took those assembled round the table.  
  
"This is Chicken Dopiaza, then this is Aloo Gobi – potatoes and cauliflower – here you have Cardamom Rice and then these are Chapattis." She lastly indicated the large pile of circular flat-breads on a plate in the centre of the table.  
  
The table fell silent for a few minutes as the hungry students fell onto what was essentially free food with enthusiasm, to be replaced seconds later by moans of gratification as they tasted the delicious food.  
  
Oz was the one who broke the quiet.  
  
"Well, this seems like a good time to make my announcement. You aren't going to see much of me over the next few weeks."  
  
"Like we see much of you already." Xander quipped.  
  
"I'll ignore that comment. Anyway, I'm going to have band rehearsals every night this month for most of the night."  
  
"Don't you have school work to do?" Buffy asked, hoping that she didn't sound too disappointed. No assignments meant no Spike, which meant that she wouldn't get a chance to explain why she was ignoring his notes.  
  
"Nope. We have no more assignments until the end of February."  
  
"Okay, I'll take the bait," Willow sighed. "So, Oz, why are you going to be rehearsing so much?" She asked in a pseudo-cheery voice.  
  
"The Band has a gig on the last Monday of February!"  
  
The table erupted into a multitude of questions.  
  
"What...!"  
  
"Where...?"  
  
"Wow, that's great..."  
  
"It's at a club called 'The Boardwalk' down on Little Peter's Street, at the far end of Whitworth Street. It's not very big and we're only the supporting act but hey, a gig."  
  
"Who are you supporting?" asked Tara.  
  
"A band called Slide Pheromone. None of you have probably ever heard of them. They're usually based somewhere down South but they're trying to get better known – I heard them over the summer when I was down in London. They're amazing!"  
  
Buffy let the chatter flow around her, trying to focus on what was being said, but failing. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for her friend – it was great that the Band had got a proper gig at last, they were good and they deserved it, but her heart had dropped when she realised that she wouldn't see Spike until the end of February.  
  
She looked across the table to where Willow was merrily chatting away to Oz, determined to get every last bit of information out of him about the gig and what they would be performing. Tara was playing mum and dishing out more food whilst Riley and Xander were talking about the intricacies of the game they had been playing earlier. Buffy was thankful that no one seemed to have noticed her sudden quiet. She didn't really want to have to explain the reason behind it and, after the thoughts that seemed to have come out of nowhere when she'd been standing outside his flat earlier, she didn't know if she actually could.  
  
She wondered if she should just forget about her promise to Willow and go round and see Spike – explain to him what was going on. No. She firmly dispelled the idea That promise was made to Willow for a reason. We both know that if I get into the habit of hanging round at Spike's again I'll never sort out the problems with Riley and me.  
  
She sighed inwardly, being with Spike was just so much easier than being with Riley, almost too easy and she knew that she wouldn't just be able to call in for five minutes to explain. She knew that if she went then she wouldn't want to leave. So she thought determinedly I just won't go. I'll just have to hope he understands. But she knew in her heart that it wouldn't be that easy. 


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
The clouds hung low and pensive as Buffy made her way back to her car that day. It was well over a month since her promise to Willow and she'd managed to keep it. Though I can't say the same for Willow, unfortunately Buffy thought rather bitterly.  
  
Willow still hadn't had a chance to talk to talk to Riley, despite her constant promises that she would. She just never seemed to be able to get him alone. Valentine's day had been and gone Valentine's Day! Buffy snorted derogatively at the thought. It had ended up being a complete nightmare for her. She'd been really looking forward to it, seeing it as the perfect opportunity for them to go out to dinner or something and basically have a nice romantic evening. For her to remember exactly what she saw in him and why she was going out with him.  
  
It had all started to go wrong the day before Valentine's Day. Cordelia had split up with her latest boyfriend and she and Anya had come round for an evening of girl's movies, popcorn and a general moan about the evils of men. That was the night that Buffy discovered that Riley had had himself a key cut to the flat.  
  
He let himself in halfway through 'Dirty Dancing'. Buffy knew he had to have let himself in – all the guys were out and all the girls downstairs watching the film. When she asked him about it, Riley seemed quite pleased with himself. He declared that he'd found the spare key in the kitchen and didn't think anyone would mind because he was here most of the time anyway.  
  
Buffy was fuming, but she just couldn't seem to make Riley see that she was upset. He was just so convinced that it was a good idea.  
  
And things got worse the next day when she got home from lectures to find him moving his favourite stuff into her room. No, sorry, she thought resentfully. It's our room now, isn't it? She'd wanted to just scream at him there and then, but it was Valentine's Day and they had a table booked at a lovely Italian for that night and she'd been looking forward to it for weeks. So she'd backed down. And now, She thought I just don't know how to approach the subject.  
  
So here she was, February drawing to a close. Oz's gig was in three days and things between Riley and herself seemed to be getting worse rather than better. But hopefully things will improve today she thought as she rounded the corner and approached her car which was in its usual spot outside Spike's flat. Willow was talking to Riley today. She'd finally given up trying to corner him in the evenings and had promised Buffy that she would skip classes this afternoon because she knew that he would be home. Buffy still couldn't believe that her normally studious friend would willingly skip classes, but she wasn't about to argue the point! It should be over by now. Buffy hoped that it had gone well and that Riley would understand. She hoped...  
  
Buffy's train of thought came to an abrupt halt as she reached her car. She had reached out almost automatically to pluck the note from her windscreen, only to realise that there was nothing there. No note.  
  
She couldn't believe it, there had been a note religiously every day since the start of term. She'd ignored every one, of course, but still he'd left them. She stared at the car; frown slightly creasing between her eyebrows, lump forming in her throat. She looked up towards his flat and swallowed, unsure about what to do.  
  
She took a deep breath, well, I can't go up there now. I've truly fucked up this time haven't I? God, how can I be so stupid! Things aren't getting any better – no, scrap that – things seem to be getting steadily worse with Riley. The whole point of this was to work things out with him, but I can't even get him to admit that there's a problem! So here I am, spending what seems like every waking moment with a guy who drives me crazy half the time and I'm forcing myself to avoid the one person I'd most like to spend time with. Now, for my stupid boyfriend, I've lost someone who was fast becoming one of my best friends.   
  
Just good friends? the little voice echoed quietly in the back of her mind. Buffy firmly ignored it.  
  
"This day just can't get any worse!" She groaned before climbing into the car.  
  
Buffy found Willow in the living room, sitting on the sofa, alone.  
  
"So, how'd it go?" She asked hopefully.  
  
Willow looked up and smiled nervously, "Well, you see..."  
  
"Will, tell me that you talked to him!" Buffy interrupted.  
  
"Yes, yes, I did." Her smile faded. "I just don't know if he got it."  
  
"What do you mean?" Buffy sat down next to her friend and let her head fall back to rest against the back of the sofa.  
  
"I gave him the whole 'Buffy might need a bit of time occasionally to just be with her friends and not with you' speech. At least, that's what I think I was saying, but I'm not sure if that's what he was hearing. He started to go on about how there was nothing wrong with your relationship, about how it was absolutely perfect, about how you were absolutely perfect. I'm sorry, Buffy, but I think you were right – that boy won't hear anything unless he wants to." She grimaced slightly.  
  
Buffy sighed and stared at the ceiling. She had hoped that Willow's plan would work, but she also knew deep down inside that it wouldn't – she'd known that Riley wouldn't listen.  
  
"Thanks anyway Will, it was worth a try."  
  
"So, are you going back to hiding at Spike's every night then?" Willow tried to sound cheery, but this only elicited another sigh from Buffy.  
  
"No."  
  
Willow frowned; obviously there was something that she didn't know about. Buffy turned her head to face her friend.  
  
"He's stopped inviting me over." She sighed.  
  
"But he knew that you had to stop coming over while you sorted out this problem with Riley," Willow saw the expression on Buffy's face, "didn't he?"  
  
"Well, you see, I knew that if I started going round again I'd just fall back into bad habits again, so I thought that if I just didn't – go round I mean – then I wouldn't." She smiled hopefully at her friend, knowing what was coming next.  
  
"Buffy! You mean that you haven't seen Spike at all this semester? You haven't explained why you're ignoring him? That's terrible – the poor guy. You spend hours round his house and then blank him completely? He's probably furious at you!" Willow looked at Buffy unbelievingly.  
  
"I know..." Buffy looked contrite.  
  
"You're going to have to explain all this to him you know."  
  
"Hey! Don't have a go at me about this! You're the one that was all 'resolve face' and 'I'll only speak to Riley if you stop hiding at Spike's'!"  
  
"Yeah, but I didn't mean for you to stop seeing the guy altogether. Jeez! I mean – it's a little drastic, don't you think?"  
  
Not really she thought. Her mind wandered back to the last time she'd seen him. It had been just before the Christmas break and she'd gone round with a small present. Nothing much, it was just a Manchester United mug, but she'd wanted to buy him a present and he'd seemed to like it. They'd lain there on his bed for hours. It had been freezing cold in his room and they'd ended up cuddling up to each other under the duvet for warmth. Ever since she'd tried not to think about how it felt to lie there in his arms, pressed up against him. How right it had felt – they just seemed to fit.  
  
She thought of confessing all of this to Willow, but decided against it. This isn't happening she decided. It's just because of Riley. Things are difficult at the moment, I'm bound to compare. Right?   
  
Which is why you're comparing Riley to Xander and Oz as well, right? Because they're your friends as well, remember... the traitorous little voice smirked at the back of her mind.  
  
She could tell Willow, but to admit it was to make it real. And it wasn't real - it was all just confusion. That's all.  
  
Buffy sighed and let her head bang back against the sofa.  
  
"I know. I just... Argh!" She threw up her arms in despair. "What am I going to do Will? Life shouldn't have to be this complicated. But you're right – I know you are. I'm going to have to explain everything to Spike. And try to think of some way of getting through to Riley. Just, not right now because right now I really have to," Buffy thought hard for something that could legitimately distract her from the problems in her personal life. "I have to go and tidy my room! Yes, that's it. It's really messy and I've been meaning to do it for ages and now it must be done – top of my list of things to do. So, I really must go." With that Buffy made a dash for the stairs and disappeared, leaving a frowning Willow alone in the living room. 


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
  
Buffy woke the next day and stretched – smiling at the fact that she was alone. After her conversation with Willow last night she'd decided that she just couldn't face Riley and so bribed her friend into telling him Buffy wasn't feeling well and would talk to him in the morning. She'd had a long, relaxing bubble bath and an early night.  
  
And the bribe? Buffy smiled as she thought of the shopping trip they would be going on today. Okay, so it wasn't much of a bribe. But, hey – did the trick! She rubbed her hands together, Ooh, so many shops, so little time – this is going to be fun.  
  
She bounced out of bed and grabbed her robe before making her way downstairs to make herself some breakfast. Nothing like a good shopping trip to help you forget about those little problems in life. Suddenly everything seemed much less complicated.  
  
She jumped down the last few steps and into the living room.  
  
"Someone's in a good mood. I take it that you're feeling better?" Riley asked from the sofa before taking a mouthful another mouthful of cereal from the bowl he was holding.  
  
"Riley? It's 8 am – what are you..." She paused, frowning slightly. "Is that my cereal?"  
  
"Yeah, I ran out, so I was just having a bite to eat and then I was going to come and check on you. You're obviously feeling better – you fancy doing something today?"  
  
"Can't – have a shopping trip with Willow and Tara."  
  
"That's okay – I need to go into town anyway. I'll tag along."  
  
"Riley. You hate shopping. You'll be bored out of your mind!"  
  
"It'll be fine – when do we leave?"  
  
Suddenly, Buffy's little problems all decided to come back with a vengeance.  
  
"Ooh, what do you think of that one?" Buffy pointed to a red dress hanging in the shop window.  
  
"I think it would look great on you, sweetheart. But then, everything looks great on you." Riley tried to sound interested. It had been his idea to tag along on the shopping trip in the city centre, but six hours later the crowded Saturday streets and Buffy's seemingly never-ending ability to shop were beginning to grate.  
  
"I'll interpret that as 'I don't really care, but I'm bored and so I'm trying to say what you think I want to hear' then shall I?" Buffy said sarcastically. She'd really had enough of him today. She hadn't wanted him to come in the first place – she'd known he would be bored – but he'd insisted. So along he came and the complaints, moans and general digs on girls and shopping had started about half an hour into the trip.  
  
At first the girls had laughed it off. It was, after all, a fairly normal guy response to a major shopping trip, but by lunchtime it had all worn a little thin and Willow and Tara had looked apologetically at Buffy and given thinly veiled excuses before leaving Buffy and Riley to shop alone.  
  
Once they'd left he hadn't gotten any better and Buffy was having a hard time controlling her temper. But this was her shopping trip and she was damned if she was going to let him ruin it for her. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Well...?"  
  
Riley shrugged, "Sorry sweetheart, but we've been shopping for hours now and..."  
  
"Look, why don't we just go home?" She sighed deciding that she was obviously damned because he'd ruined it.  
  
"Sounds good to me." Riley looked instantly happier and they started the walk back towards the bus station.  
  
"Ooh!" Buffy squealed and dragged Riley towards the shop window. Riley groaned, but gave in to the irresistible pull of his girlfriend's hand on his. "Sorry, I know we're on our way home, but this won't take long. You know that it's Dawn's birthday in a couple of weeks and I thought that I could buy her a pair of earrings, a really nice pair. And look – jewellery shop." She indicated the brightly lit display window in front of them before proceeding to examine what seemed to Riley to be hundreds of pairs of earrings looking for the 'perfect pair'. He gave into the inevitable delay and wandered further down the window, hoping that there would be something more interesting to look at.  
  
Several minutes later Buffy was once again at his side, clutching a small bag, which held her new purchase.  
  
"Come on then," she said as she took his hand. "Let's go." She moved to pull Riley away from the window, but was stopped when he didn't move. She followed his gaze which was fixed on the display of small diamond rings.  
  
"Riley?" She asked cautiously. He turned to her.  
  
"Buffy. I've been thinking, about us. We've been going out for ages now and, well we practically live together and well," He paused and she could see him thinking of the words to say Oh, God, please don't let him be about to ask what I think he's about to ask she prayed.  
  
"Well, maybe we should get married." He looked at her, expectantly.  
  
Shit, shit, shit! He asked it. Oh, how the hell am I going to get out of this one? Buffy paused for a minute to internally examine her reaction. Sure, she'd thought about Riley proposing before, she'd even daydreamed about it. Surely she should be falling into his arms at the moment and accepting without a moment's pause. But she wasn't and it all suddenly seemed, well, so sudden.  
  
She looked up at him, standing there, waiting for her answer and she suddenly realised that she couldn't marry him. It would be wrong. A really, really bad idea I mean, I'm not ready to give up on this relationship  
  
Yet her little voice added.  
  
I'm going to pretend I didn't just think that. I am not ready to give up on this relationship, but I can't agree to take it any further. God, I'm already feeling claustrophobic as it is now and we're not even officially living together. But if I turn him down flat he'll think that I don't want to be with him at all. Which I do.   
  
Do you?   
  
Yes! Yes, I do. Just not quite this together!   
  
No, she couldn't marry him. Not right now. She just wasn't ready for that yet, she was too young. But how to say 'no' without actually saying no? She looked again at the display in front of them and was suddenly struck with an idea.  
  
"Riley, don't take this the wrong way, it's just that, ever since I was a little girl I've had the dream that when I got engaged I would be proposed to with a ring in a box and everything." She smiled up at him and then quickly continued as she saw him start to eye up the rings in the window. "And everybody knows that an engagement ring is meant to cost a whole month's salary," she cringed inwardly at how materialistic this was making her sound, but it was all she could come up with at short notice. "And you don't even have a job at the moment. I've never really wanted a long engagement either – I believe that you get engaged to get married, not just for the sake of being engaged - and we can't afford to get married yet." She hoped that he was buying this and looked up at him.  
  
"I understand, Buffy."  
  
"You, you do?" Buffy suddenly looked surprised – she really didn't think that anyone would buy the crap she just came out with - before forcing her expression into a smile. "You do? Good."  
  
"And you're right – we can't afford to get married, yet." He looked back at the display. "But why don't you give me some ideas as to what type of ring you would like, just so that I know for the future."  
  
Buffy forced a smile and turned her attention to the window, trying not to think about why she suddenly didn't want to commit to a future with her previously 'perfect' boyfriend. 


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
  
Strains of heavy rock music hit Buffy's ears as she entered the club. She looked around at her surroundings. Oz has been right when he said the club was small – after climbing up what seemed like impossibly steep stairs to pay the required entrance fee she now found herself looking down a short, narrow passageway which obviously opened up into the club proper. The walls were painted black and the floor was that dark wood colour that only came from countless years of spilt pints of beer and muddy shoes.  
  
She followed the others into the club. The bar ran down the length of the room on the left hand side. The stage area was directly in front of them and the room opened up to the right, leaving a dance area of about 15" square in total. Definitely a small club and it was filling quickly, mostly with students from one or other of the universities.  
  
"You want a drink?" Riley shouted over the music.  
  
"Yeah, I'll have a diet coke!" Buffy hollered back. It might not be live, yet, but it was definitely loud in here. She could hardly hear herself think as she scanned the crowds to see who was here.  
  
The whole 'marriage' thing hadn't come up again in the past couple of days. Riley hadn't brought the subject up and Buffy decided that it was wise to just keep quiet. She hadn't mentioned the proposal, or her rejection of it, to any of her friends either. She just wanted to forget all about it – it was just too much to think about with everything else.  
  
"I can't believe that Oz finally got a real gig!" Willow gushed excitedly in her ear. Buffy looked at her and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"And this from you, the girl who has been saying all year 'I can't believe that the Band hasn't got a real gig yet'."  
  
"Yes, well, that was different – that was showing moral support, the way that friends should. This is different. This is real!" Buffy laughed slightly as Tara took hold of her girlfriend's hand in an attempt to stop her from getting too excited.  
  
Buffy scanned the room once more. She smiled and turned to Xander.  
  
"Hey!" She shouted into his ear, making him jump and spill his beer down the front of his shirt.  
  
"God, Buff! Scare a guy much?" He growled back, frantically rubbing at his top.  
  
"Sorry." She shrugged apologetically. "Just thought you'd like to know that I see a certain someone giving you the eye. And not for the first time." She smiled teasingly at Xander as his head whipped round, trying to see who she was talking about.  
  
"Over there," she gently took hold of his chin and pushed his head round to the girl who was standing by the bar, eyes fixed firmly on him. His eyes bulged slightly as he realised just who it was.  
  
"What? Anya? You're wrong Buff – she's not looking at me, she, she's probably looking at all of us. You know, us busily chatting away. No way she's looking at me, Nuh'uh!" He declared firmly.  
  
"She's looking at you, you dolt. The way she always is, you just can't see it. Now, why don't you go over there and talk to her. Try something original – buy the girl a drink, just put us all out of our misery. Please!"  
  
"What? What are you talking about?" Xander looked perplexed.  
  
"Are you totally stupid or something?" Buffy shouted over the noise, then flinched slightly at the slightly pissed off face Xander made at this statement. "You're all she talks about to any of us these days."  
  
"But, how am I supposed to know – she's never said anything to me."  
  
"That's because I'm saying it – just go and talk to the girl!"  
  
"Fine, fine – I'm going." He declared and started to push his way through the ever-swelling crowd towards where the girl was standing at the bar.  
  
"Here you go, one diet coke." The plastic glass filled with dark brown liquid appeared in front of her with this comment and she took it gratefully, taking a large sip to sooth her throat which was by this time slightly hoarse from shouting over the music.  
  
"Thanks." She smiled up at Riley. "Do you know what time they're due on?" She indicated the still empty stage at the front.  
  
"They should be setting up at any time now, I guess, but things tend to be fairly flexible here, so who knows?"  
  
Buffy scanned the crowd once more.  
  
"I'm just going to take a walk around, see if there's anyone else here we know, okay?" She said, almost having to shout directly into Riley's ear to make herself understood.  
  
"Want me to come with you?"  
  
"No, it's okay – too crowded, I'll be able to get through better on my own." She indicated the now packed out venue and Riley nodded understandingly.  
  
Buffy wandered around the club, scanning the face of every new person who came into view. She wouldn't admit it to any of her friends but she knew exactly who she was looking for and her face lit up as she saw him.  
  
He was standing alone in one dark corner of the club, dressed totally in black – worn, tight fitting black jeans, fitted black t-shirt and long, black leather duster He could have almost faded into the background if it were not for the shock of bleach blonde. He was leaning nonchalantly against the wall of the club, nursing a pint to his chest as he watched the activity around him.  
  
Hot, isn't he? The little voice in the back of her mind spoke up and she suddenly wondered if going over to talk to him was such a good idea after all. Maybe she should just turn around and forget him. Maybe it would be easier – less complicated.  
  
No. I'm going to go over. This is silly. He's just a friend, nothing more. People can think that their friends are hot. It doesn't mean anything, she told herself firmly as she made her way towards him.  
  
Seemingly oblivious to her approach he looked totally at home in the loud and crowded environment of the club. She stopped in front of him and stood there for a second, frowning slightly as he seemed to totally ignore her presence.  
  
"Hi!" She called at him. He turned his head to her almost casually and slowly raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Hello, pet. Fancy seeing you here." He turned back to his pastime of scanning the crowd for who-knew-what.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and tried again.  
  
"Look, I..." She got no further.  
  
"Did you want something in particular? Because you're blocking my view." She frowned as she looked at him.  
  
"Spike, I'm 5' 2" – I block no one's view. I can't even block the view of," She thought, "er, somebody really small. Damn it! I had a really good comeback then and it just slipped right out of my mind!"  
  
Spike laughed as he saw the irritation pass across her face, but then schooled his expression back into the carefully maintained 'pissed off and bored' look he'd assumed as soon as he noticed her approach.  
  
"I saw that you know." She smirked up at him.  
  
"Saw what?" Spike's face was a picture of innocence.  
  
"The laughter. Look Spike, I know you're mad at me. Could you just let me explain?" She was almost pleading with him now. He looked down at her face and almost gave in, but he had promised himself that he would be mad at her tonight. She'd ignored him for weeks and he had no idea why. If she wanted to talk, then fine. But not tonight – tonight was the night that he was mad at her and he wasn't backing down on this one. Even if she does do that pout-y thing with her bottom lip.  
  
"Sorry luv – can't hear you!" he shouted.  
  
"I said, I'm sorry. If you would just let me explain..." She stood on tiptoe and shouted into his ear.  
  
"Oh, look – the band are setting up. Can't wait to see them play." He looked directly at her for the first time that night. "You see that's why I came here tonight – to see my mate's band play. Now why don't you run along? Go back to your friends. That's where you seem to want to be." With that he turned back to the stage, intently watching the band prepare to start their set, jaw clenching slightly.  
  
Buffy stated at him intently for a moment as she registered what he'd said to her. Even in the racket of the club she'd heard him perfectly and had winced slightly at the emphasis on the word 'friends'. She had known that she had hurt him, but she suddenly realised just how badly he'd taken her disregard. She turned on her heel and made her way directly to the heaving bar, forcing her way to the front.  
  
"What'll it be?" The barman hollered to her.  
  
"Double vodka and coke – two of them." she shouted back and handed over her cash. She wasn't usually big with the alcohol, but tonight she suddenly felt the need to get totally wasted.  
  
Three hours and countless vodkas later Buffy lent against the back wall of the club for support. The room just wouldn't keep still – she was sure that it wasn't meant to move like that. And there was only one band playing a minute ago – now there seems to be two. She raised a finger towards the stage and tried to focus properly, with little success.  
  
Even in such a small club she'd managed to lose all her friends. She couldn't understand it – she'd known exactly where they were when she went to the bar but somehow, after downing four vodkas in quick succession, finding her way back had been a little harder. Now the main band - whatever they were called she thought – were just finishing their set and Buffy had made really good friends with this piece of wall. Really good friends. In fact, she didn't think she ever wanted to leave this piece of wall. Except, maybe to slide down it slightly to sit on the floor.  
  
"Oh dear. Someone looks like they've had one too many." Buffy looked up at the sound of the voice, trying to focus on where it was coming from. She broke into a grin as she recognised the form standing in front of her.  
  
"Spike! No, no, you're wrong!" She slurringly declared. "I have not had one too many – I've had a hell of a lot more than that!" She sounded quite pleased with her assertion, but then her face suddenly fell. "I don't feel very well."  
  
"No, I don't suppose you do. Come on," he hauled her to her feet. "We have to find Red – she can take you to the ladies and you can get all that out of your system."  
  
"No! I'm not going anywhere!" She pulled herself out of his grasp and the momentum propelled her back into the wall as she desperately tried to find her balance.  
  
"What the bleeding 'ell are you talking about? Come on!" He tried to take her arm again, but she avoided him rather agilely for someone in her condition.  
  
"No!" She waved a finger under his nose and looked at him seriously. "I am not going anywhere with you until you promise me something."  
  
"Right, whatever – I promise." He sighed and reached for her arm again.  
  
"I'm serious! You have to promise that you'll let me explain."  
  
"Fine, whatever, you can explain – but not now. These are new boots and I really don't want them covered in your puke!"  
  
"Tomorrow night – I'll come round. I'll explain. Right?" She pushed herself off the wall and clung onto him, holding herself up.  
  
"Right, fine – tomorrow night. Just let's go and find Red – please?"  
  
"Willow." Buffy suddenly looked green. "Willow would be a good idea."  
  
The taxi pulled up outside of the flat and its occupants tumbled out, Buffy clinging to Riley as though she couldn't stand without him. Which she reflected fuzzily is quite possibly true.  
  
Riley helped her up the few steps to the front door of the main building and into the hallway. She raised her head from his shoulder and looked at him.  
  
"I'll be fine from here. Willow and Tara will look after me, and anyway, I'm fairly sure that I can stand up by myself now." She pushed off from his chest and, whilst wobbling slightly, managed to remain upright without help. "See!" she declared happily.  
  
Riley was a little taken aback, "Don't you want me to help you?"  
  
"No. I just want to go inside and crawl into my own bed, okay?" Buffy sounded exhausted.  
  
"Oh, okay then. I know, how about we go to the cinema tomorrow night – just you and me?"  
  
"Sure, whatever." Buffy frowned, trying to remember something. "Oh, no, I mean, I can't – I'm going to Spike's tomorrow night." She nodded her head, pleased that she had managed to remember, but that set the room spinning and she fought again for the control to remain on her feet. Riley seemed oblivious.  
  
"Spike's? Oh, I'm sure he won't mind if you don't go," he dismissed the idea with a wave of his hand. "It's just that there's this film out that I've been dying to see..."  
  
"Well, then go with your friends or wait to see it another time because I'm busy tomorrow night." Buffy said impatiently, really, really wanting to get to bed now.  
  
"But I told you – Spike won't mind..."  
  
"Well, I do!" Buffy shouted. Willow, Xander and Tara looked at each other at this and decided that now was a very good time to make themselves absent, so they slipped into the flat.  
  
"God, what is the matter with you? Don't you understand? I've spent every night with you this semester – one way or another! I just want to spend sometime with my friends!" Riley stared at her in amazement. His girlfriend never talked to him like this.  
  
"Fine, fine," he calmly said. "I'll just come with you. Spike's a nice guy. We'll have fun."  
  
"You just don't get it, do you? I don't want to see Spike with you. I don't want to go shopping with you. I want to spend time with my friends, alone, without you."  
  
She wasn't shouting anymore, there didn't seem much point. Something that was confirmed when she felt Riley patronisingly pat her on the head and say, "I understand. You've just had too much to drink. You just take yourself off to bed and we'll talk about this in the morning, okay?"  
  
Buffy didn't even grace that with an answer. She simply turned on her heel and marched into the flat, slamming the door in Riley's face. 


	15. Chapter 14

I realise that the whole Spuffy thing is moving slowly and I'm working on it, but I wanted to establish a friendship first – torture, isn't it? For those of you who might be vaguely interested, paracetamol is a mild pain-killer (possibly a bit like Tylenol) – my beta, Martha, told me I'd better explain as she didn't know what I was talking about!

**Chapter 14 **

Buffy groaned and squinted at the window. The bright morning sun was streaming in through her bedroom window and straight into her half open eyes. She closed them again and rolled over, throwing an arm over her face, but it was no use – she was awake and no amount of pretending otherwise was going to change that fact.

She peered at the clock and groaned again as she realised the time and that was when _it_ struck. Her head felt like two small pixies had climbed in through her ears with very large hammers in the middle of the night and were now busy thumping away at her brain. Her eyes wouldn't open properly either. She reached up and rubbed at them before looking at her hands which were now covered in black and she realised that she hadn't removed her makeup before going to bed last night and her mascara had stuck to her bottom eyelashes. How nice she thought as she rolled out of bed, her mission being to find large quantities of water – and quickly. Her mouth felt like the bottom of a budgie's cage.

She reached for her robe and then stopped as she caught sight of herself in the mirror – she was still wearing her clothes from last night. She'd slept in them. Oh, this just gets better. What kind of a state was I in when I got home? she thought. And then she remembered. It all came crashing back - seeing Spike, getting drunk, throwing up in that club, the argument with Riley – all of it. She slumped back onto her bed, her head in her hands and groaned yet again.

And here we have the prime reason why Buffy Summers does not drink. It's always a complete disaster. She shook her head, and then winced as it made the pounding worse, and headed downstairs for that water.

The house was oddly quiet as she poured herself a pint of water. Normally at this hour she would be in classes, but she'd slept through her alarm that morning and it was now the middle of the day. As she downed the pint she vaguely considered going in for her afternoon classes, but then immediately dismissed that idea out of hand as her head began pounding again. She rooted through the kitchen drawers for some kind of painkiller and grinned as she came across a strip of paracetamol. She popped two of the white painkillers out of the strip – they might not be quite what she'd have chosen if she'd been in the States, but they were just as effective - and swallowed them down with another pint of water before stumbling back upstairs to sleep away the rest of the day.

Buffy surveyed her wardrobe in disgust, rifling through its contents irritably. The sleep had helped, as had the paracetamol, but she still wasn't at her sparkling best and now her wardrobe was refusing to co-operate.

"I have nothing to wear!" She exclaimed to no one in particular.

"Hot date?" A voice said from behind her. Buffy whirled round to find Xander lent against the doorway to her room. "Because I was under the impression that you were just going round to Spike's."

"I am," she said distractedly as she pulled a short black dress out of the wardrobe and held it against herself. "What do you think of this?" She saw the slightly amused look on Xander's face. "Too much, huh?" She placed the dress back in the wardrobe and slammed the door shut. She stalked over to the chest of draws on the other side of the room, pulled open the top drawer and started to root through her vast collection of tops.

"And I say again – it's only Spike. What's with the clothing crisis?"

Buffy pulled out a red skinny-fit t-shirt and held it against herself. She smiled and nodded at her reflection in the mirror and tossed the shirt onto the bed before opening another drawer to look for a pair of trousers to go with it.

"Just call it grovelling attire." She said distractedly to her friend. "I fucked up and, well, I always apologise better when I look good."

"Ahh, let me translate that for you." Xander said knowingly. "What you're actually saying is that if you look totally hot then Spike, being of the male persuasion, will be more likely to forgive you."

"Not exactly." Buffy hedged. "There's also the reason that I am recovering from the hangover from hell and all this is show to help me feel up to facing the world."

"Oh, yes. The hangover. Where exactly did you disappear to last night anyway? Apart from the bar, that is."

"Er, that's about it. The bar, mostly." Buffy looked at her friend sheepishly.

"What! You mean to say that you, Buffy Summers, the girl not exactly known for her over-indulgence in the alcohol area, actually voluntarily spent the whole night drinking, just for its own sake. There weren't any evil forces thrusting the drink down your throat?"

"No." Buffy couldn't meet Xander's eyes and busied herself with her clothes. "Just felt like getting drunk, that was all."

"Right. Whatever you say." Xander replied, knowing full well that there was something that she was keeping from him. "Anyway, I have to be going. TV calls." He turned to leave. "The black leather pants – definitely." He called as she walked across the corridor to his room. Buffy pulled smiled and pulled the leather from the drawer.

Spike opened the door to his flat to find Buffy standing there, pizza in hand.

"Mind if I come in? I bring gifts." She indicated the box. For a moment Spike could only stare at her, open-mouthed. He couldn't believe the vision that stood before him – Buffy, dressed in skin-tight leather trousers and a dark red top that hugged her curves in all the right places. Her blonde mane flowed freely around her shoulders as she smiled at him. Stop it! he thought sternly. For Christ's sake, this is Buffy! You know 'Buffy of the boyfriend'? 'Off-limits Buffy'. There is no way you are going to stand here speechless because she's... he tilted his head to one side and eyed her up and down ...wearing what is quite possibly the most gorgeous, stunning, mind-blowingly amazing get up. Buffy frowned slightly as Spike seemed to gasp for air and then visibly shook himself.

"What? Yeah, erm, yeah, come on up." He turned and raced back up the stairs without looking to see if she was following. She smiled at his strange behaviour and followed his up the stairs. Yup. This is going to be easy – the outfit works every time.

"So," Spike said, taking a bite out of the last slice of pizza. "Let me get this straight: all that time you spent round here last term, that was you trying to avoid your 'beloved boyfriend'?"

"Yes!" Buffy suddenly realised how that sounded. "I mean, no! You're twisting my words. I was trying to avoid Riley, but I came round here because I also wanted to spend time with you."

"I was convenient." Spike said, a hint of bitterness palpable in his tone.

Buffy sighed – this wasn't going how she'd expected. She'd decided to be totally honest with him. _Well, not totally honest,_ the little voice that seemed to pop up every time she thought about Spike disagreed. _You've not said anything about your reaction to how he looked when he opened the door._ Buffy suppressed the small smile that threatened to play across her lips as she the image played across her mind. He'd obviously just finished showering when she'd arrived. He'd stood there at the door, barefoot, hair damp and messy, jeans hanging from his hips. The shirt that he'd thrown on had still been unbuttoned revealing the perfect body beneath. Beads of water still hung to the exposed skin of his chest and, as she stared at him, a single drop left the dip at the base of his throat and her eyes had traced its path down his body as it ran down over his chest, down his stomach, down... She'd had to wrench her eyes away from that drop of water._ Yeah, one hell of a lucky drop of water that._ the little voice commented before Buffy quashed it firmly. She'd decided to be _reasonablY_ honest with him. She'd told him all about the problems she and Riley had been having - how she'd felt cornered and claustrophobic last term and about how she'd ended up spending longer and longer at his during the evenings as escape from her life. She'd ended by telling him about her conversation with Willow and her promise.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, Spike. I thought that I'd see you anyway – you were always around at our house last semester. I thought that I'd be able to explain then." She looked down, unable to meet his piercing gaze that was directed at her with such accusation.

"And when you found out I wouldn't be round? What then? Because I don't remember you coming here to explain yourself."

"No, I didn't," she said, her voice quiet and meek. "And that was wrong. I'm sorry, I really am. I'm a cow, a brat, a bitch – pick a derogatory term and that's me."

Spike looked at the girl sat meekly on the end of his bed, the girl who was almost pleading for forgiveness, and tried to suppress a smile. He'd forgiven her the moment she'd walked through his door. How could he not forgive the stunning entity that had stood there in front of him, looking so contrite? He knew he was a fool; that he was completely soft, but he also knew that he would do anything that this woman asked of him. Not that she ever would, he thought wryly. She'd never think of me that way. She has _him_ for that. And here am I, grateful for any scraps of friendship she's willing to throw my way. God, I am such a fool! He hadn't even had to hear her explanation. He wondered if he should string her along a bit more - she really was quite fetching when she grovelled - but she was starting to get upset and he hated to see a woman cry. So he relented – a bit.

"Fine. You're a bitch. Glad you accept that." He mumbled, making her squirm a little uncomfortably. He watched her for a few moments and he couldn't contain his laughter any longer.

Buffy realised what was happening as the sound of his laughter broke suddenly around the room.

"You, you... pig!" she exclaimed as she realised he'd been stringing her along. "You made me go through all of that! I grovelled! I thought you were really mad!"

"Oh pet," he heaved between laughs. "But you should have seen you! I'll carry the memories with me for eternity. Priceless, just priceless!" He lent against the wall, still heaving with laughter.

It was contagious and soon Buffy found her mouth twitching into a grin at the sight of Spike lying on the bed, helpless with laughter, arms clutching his middle as he fought to bring it under control.

"You know, if people could see you now, it would completely blow your 'big bad' image out the water," she teased.

That got him. The laughter died immediately and he sat back up, running a hand through his platinum blonde locks.

"Oi!" he sulked. Buffy raised an eyebrow at him, eyes sparkling teasingly.

"Oh, come on! You put me through all of that and I'm not even allowed a little dig?"

Spike smirked at her slightly and surveyed their positions. It had all been a little awkward when she'd first arrived and he couldn't exactly put his finger on why that was. Okay, so there was the whole thing that he just couldn't keep his eyes off the way her arse moved encased as it was in that tight leather, but he was pretty sure she hadn't seen that – he'd been fairly discrete. But when they'd got to his room she seemed, well, nervous – and not the kind of nervousness that could be explained away by her need to apologise for her behaviour. Normally she would have just thrown herself down onto his bed without thinking about it, but tonight she carefully placed herself right at the foot of the bed, almost as if she wanted to be as far away from him as possible. Hell, he thought she'd even lasted a whole five minutes before crawling under the duvet, and that must be a first.

So, here they were, as far away from each other as humanly possible on the narrow bed, tension palpable in the room as they started to flirt again for the first time in what was now months. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he suddenly felt uncomfortable and unsure how to act around her. It was just too confusing and he had to look away, turning to stare out of the window, as if the clouds roaming across the night sky were all of a sudden infinitely more fascinating than anything in the room.

Buffy frowned at his unexpected silence. This wasn't the reaction she'd expected from her little comment. She thought that there had been a breakthrough, that he'd forgiven her, when he started laughing. For a moment things had been the way they always had been, with the flirting and the teasing and she was happy. But suddenly it had changed, he'd retreated back into himself and she felt him go. This isn't good, she thought, feeling the tension rise once more in the tiny room. She knew the most obvious move to make would be just to reach over and poke him in the ribs. It would fit with her last comment and she just knew that it would break this tension.

_Any excuse to touch him, right?_ her little voice sounded and suddenly she couldn't move. She stared at him, willing him to meet her eyes, but he simply stared out of the window, unmoving.

It must have only been minutes, but it felt like hours to the two in the room as they sat there, almost completely motionless. Neither could say who touched who first, but unexpectedly a foot brushed another foot quite innocently. Buffy felt a shiver run through her body at his touch and suddenly she had to look away from his face, becoming abruptly engrossed in inspecting her nails. Spike's eyes flickered to her face, unable to ignore her completely as he felt the contact, but soon looked away again as he realised that she was refusing to look at him. But neither of them moved away from the touch. They both knew that one of them would have to break the silence and each prayed that it would be the other. Buffy broke first.

"So..." she started, unsure of what she would actually say now that she was speaking. "You're not mad at me anymore?" She smiled slightly and looked at him. He turned back to face her and raised his eyes to meet her gaze, his emotions seemed to race across the cerulean orbs as he tried to bring them under control.

"No. Of course I'm not mad at you. One of my biggest faults – can't hold a grudge." He shrugged and returned her smile.

"Well, from where I'm sitting, that's not a fault. Friends again?"

"Friends." He confirmed. Well, did you ever really expect anything else? If you did you're a bigger wanker than you first thought. Remember? She. Has. A. Boyfriend. And you're just bloody lucky that he's not trying to rip your arms off because his girl is currently sitting in your bed.

"...what do you think? Spike?" Spike was wrenched out of his mental diatribe by a kick to his shin and he realised that Buffy had been talking and he hadn't heard a word.

"You weren't listening, were you?" Buffy sat with her arms folded across her chest and smiled knowingly at him.

"Er, well, you see..." He considered bluffing his way through and pretending, but one look at her face told him it would never work. "I wasn't listening – sorry. What were you saying?"

"We've been throwing about the idea of doing a house meal sometime. Willow suggested a Chinese banquet type thing. We'd do it so that everyone would cook a dish each and then we'd all share it. I was wondering if you wanted to come." She looked at him hopefully. She and Willow had discussed the idea but nothing was organised yet and she just hoped no one would mind her inviting Spike.

"Sounds good. When?"

"Don't really know – we haven't got as far as the whole 'when' thing yet. That takes organisation and planning and, well, not necessarily my best attributes."

"Oh." They lapsed back into an awkward silence. Spike started to examine the patterns the poor plaster job formed on the ceiling and Buffy returned to inspecting her nails.

Since when have our silences been awkward? Spike thought. Our silences were never awkward. Comforting, yes, awkward no. Before Christmas we could sit here for hours and now... He rose, feeling the sudden need to be elsewhere.

"Fancy a drink?" he blurted out. Buffy looked up at him.

"Sure, a drink would be, nice."

"Beer?" Buffy suddenly looked a little pale.

"A world of no."

Spike smiled, "Hangover?"

"Like you wouldn't believe – I swear I thought I was going to die. I will never drink again!" she declared. Spike laughed.

"Yeah, like I don't say _that_ every time I get the hangover from hell. Never lasts more than a few days though." He walked out of the room before she could think of a witty and cutting retort.

He hates me. She thought to herself. There's no other explanation for the way he's acting. He's only pretending to forgive me, but he's still really pissed off. Oh, god, what am I doing here? This was a big mistake. She started to rise, but then changed her mind and slumped back down. No, no! I can't just leave like that. He's mad – and he has every right to be, I treated him like shit. So, I will stay and take the heat..._And hope for some more footsie..._ No! And not hoping for any more anything – bad, bad, dirty mind! Get out of the gutter and back on track! She shivered slightly in the cold room and huddled down under the duvet some more, bringing it up round her chin. She inhaled deeply Mmm, Spike smell...

Spike leant against the kitchen worktop, gripping the edge firmly. Get a hold of yourself mate; stop acting like a lovesick puppy. He abandoned his position and started pacing up and down the length of the room. This is Buffy and she's never going to notice you in a million years. Friendship. Keep that word firmly at the front of your mind 'cause that's all she wants from you. Friendship, friendship – make it your mantra. He stopped by the window and stared up at the night sky, smiling slightly as he recalled the thrill that had passed through his body when they touched earlier. Meant nothing. Just a touch – I've touched the chit before haven't I? Friendship. And drinks. God – she's probably wondering where the hell I've got to. He pulled a beer and a can of Cola out of the fridge and started the short walk back to his room.

"One drink – guaranteed 100 alcohol-free!" he declared as he handed her the drink. He hovered slightly by the bed, unsure of where to sit Bugger it! he thought and lifted up the duvet, crawled underneath and settled himself right in the centre of the bed. Buffy scooted her legs out of the way, curling them up underneath her as she took a sip of her drink.

"Pet? You okay?" Spike frowned.

"What? Yeah, fine, of course – why wouldn't I be?" She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"You don't fool me y'know. You've been quiet and distracted all night. Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No, it's nothing. Just the residual hangover I guess." She looked at him almost optimistically and hoped that he wouldn't pry any further.

"Nope, not buying that. There's something wrong. Is it Riley? Are things still not right between you two?" Friends, friends, friends, Spike repeated his new mantra.

"No, it's not that really – though things between me and Riley really aren't that great at the moment." She sighed. "We had this really big fight last night. Well, actually, it was less of a really big _fight _and more of me screaming at him for a while."

"Oh. So, you two haven't sorted out your problems then?"

"Very definitely not." She sighed. "It really doesn't help that, as far as Riley's concerned, there isn't a problem."

"No?" Spike asked in his very best 'concerned listener' voice.

"No." Buffy looked down at her hands and knew that there was something she needed to get off her chest. "He proposed to me."

And there she goes – one step further up on the 'Completely Unavailable Ladder of People Way Out of Spike's League.'

"So, you guys are engaged now?" He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. Buffy looked at him, shock evident on her face.

"What! Are you mad? Of course I didn't say yes! I've just sat here and told you that Riley and I are having problems. I'm not going to marry the guy. I mean, not yet. Maybe, if we sort this out."

"So you said no?" Spike was now a little confused – and a little relieved, he admitted to himself.

"No, not exactly, I kinda put him off." She smiled sheepishly at him.

"You put him off?"

"Yeah, I told him that I wouldn't marry him unless he proposed properly with a diamond engagement ring – you know, the whole 'romance' thing."

"Right. And this was all to sidestep the issue?"

"Well, not totally, I mean I would like to be proposed to with a ring and everything."

"Don't you thing that it would have been kinder just to say 'no'?"

"But I wasn't sure that I wanted to say no. I just knew that I didn't want to say 'yes'. It all came as a bit of a shock, you know! Completely unexpected." Buffy glared at him. She'd opened up to this guy and now he was giving her a hard time. Spike saw the look on his face and immediately realised that he'd said the wrong thing.

"Look luv, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have a go." Without thinking, he reached over and put him arm around her, pulling her into a hug, wrapping her into his arms.

Buffy tensed ever so slightly at the contact, unsure of how to react. But isn't it nice? the little voice asked evilly in the back of her head. No, no, no – this is not good! _What? Are you insane – this is great! Just feel his arms around you..._ No! Not good. Have to do something. She moved her arm down and snaked it round his waist, resting it by his side. Slowly curling her fingers she moved in for the kill, tickling what she knew to be one of his most sensitive spots.

The reaction was immediate. Spike sprang away from the hug and glowered at her from the other end of the bed.

"Oi! What was that for?" Buffy smiled evilly at him.

"Just thought that it was all getting a little serious in here." She explained Well, it wasn't exactly a lie, was it?

"Oh, it's gonna be like that..." Without warning, he pounced on her, pinning her hands to the bed with one of his hands, legs atop hers so she was effectively immobilised, his free hand tickling her mercilessly. He leaned down closer to her face and whispered, "See, I remember what you like to do with your legs."

Unable to move she stared up at him, straight into his blue eyes, which were sparkling with mirth. He was so close she could smell him. _Mmm, Spike smell _little voice echoed her earlier thoughts. She licked her lips unconsciously.

Spike caught the movement and glanced down at her lips. They were so near and so plump and moist they just called out to be kissed. No! Friends, remember! Be good! He sat up slightly and she wiggled in his grasp.

And now would be a good time to move of her lap before she realises just how much you're enjoying this little game, he thought and quickly released her legs.

"Ha! Bad move Spike – I'm not defenceless little Buffy anymore!" She declared as she kicked a leg up towards him, the odd moment forgotten in her determination to win.

He easily caught the leg in his free hand and smirked at her as he tucked it under one arm, releasing her hands.

"So, what's so bad about the feet?" He asked as he reached out and tickled the soles of her feet.

His question was quickly answered in a blinding shot of pain that flashed through his face a moment later. Buffy had kicked him, hard.

"Jesus, woman! I think you broke my bloody nose!" He swore through the blood that was now gushing down his face.

"Oh, Spike, I am _so_ sorry!" She said, wincing at the blood and hunting round desperately for a towel. "I really didn't mean to – it's like a knee-jerk reaction. Someone tickles my feet and I lose all control and kick out." She handed him a towel. "I just never broke someone's nose before!"

"Well, now I know what's so bad about the feet. They could have been a bit more bloody specific with the warnings. Look, you're going to have to take me to the hospital." He stood up and walked towards the door, turning when he realised she wasn't following. "Well, come on – I'm bleeding here and the stuff's a nightmare to get out of the carpet."


	16. Chapter 15

**chapter 15 **

Buffy paced back and forth across the sterile grey waiting room. It felt like they had been here for hours. The waiting room had been half full already when they arrived at the Manchester Royal Infirmary and Spike had had to hold Buffy back to stop her completely losing it in frustration when the receptionist took his details and calmly asked them to take a seat until he was called by the nurse. 

Buffy lightened up slightly when his name was called by the tall, blonde woman in the grey uniform. He disappeared into a side room and was back surprisingly quickly, but her mood darkened again as she realised that that was _not that_. The woman had only been the triage nurse, he had explained. Her job was to assess him and place him in a category, which would determine how long he had to wait. He would have possibly a couple of hours to wait until he saw the doctor. 

Spike now sat in a seat nearby, towel still held to his nose to catch the blood that was still trickling from his nose. 

"Will you just bloody well sit down – you're making me dizzy." He complained, voice muffled by the towel. Buffy stopped pacing and threw herself down into the chair next to him. 

"Sorry, it's just that we've been here forever and I… What's taking them so long?" She craned her neck to look through the doors towards the treatment area. 

"Being impatient will not get me seen any quicker, it'll just piss the staff off luv. Anyway, I told you what the triage nurse said – it's not bleeding so much anymore, my blood pressure and all are fine and so we can wait. I'm sure that there are people through there who are much worse off than I am" Spike explained gruffly. Buffy stood up and resumed her pacing. 

"Yeah, I know all that – you've told me before, remember. But when you said she said that we'd have to wait, I didn't think she meant_ this_ long!" He looked up at her as she came to a stop in front of him. He really did look a state – he was hunched into a plastic waiting room chair, elbows resting on his knees, shirt covered in blood from the earlier gushing when she'd hit him. It had started to dry now and she was just glad there hadn't been any more. He took the towel away from his nose and looked at it. 

"Firstly, we've only been here about half an hour and, secondly, the bleeding's stopped. So, please, just sit down will you?" 

"Fine," she sat. "Whatever." She looked over at him, the dried blood first smeared and now cracking all over his face. She grimaced, "I'm sorry." 

"Look pet, I know that you're sorry. You haven't stopped apologising yet. Have to admit – it's beginning to grate." He snapped. 

"Sorr…" she stopped as she caught the look he flashed her. "Okay, here's the thing – I'm a little on edge here…" 

"You don't say?" He sneered sarcastically. 

"Look, I'm trying to explain here, but if you don't want to hear it…" she folded her arms across her chest and looked over at him, eyebrow raised. 

"No, no," he sighed. "I want to hear it – go on." 

"No, you really don't." A tear appeared at the corner of her eye. Spike noticed and decided that enough was enough. 

"Look, if you hate hospitals so much, just go home." He winced slightly as he heard the words come out of his mouth – he hadn't meant to sound so harsh. Buffy paled slightly, swallowed the lump in her throat and then her face became blank and emotionless. 

"Fine, you don't want me here? I'll go." She stood up and walked towards the exit, not once looking back. 

For a second he just sat there and watched her walk away. Then he came to his senses and sprang out of the chair. 

"Buffy!" he called as he started to go after her. 

"William Giles!" The loud authoritative voice rang out across the waiting room and Spike turned as he heard his name called to see the doctor standing, waiting for him. 

Spike quickly indicated his presence and then turned back to where Buffy had been standing, only to be greeted by the sight of the exit doors sliding back into place. 

"Bollocks!" 

Willow lay on her bed, staring at the patterns playing across her ceiling – shadows cast by the streetlight shining through the tree which stood outside her window, its branches swaying in the breeze. 

She jumped slightly as she heard the front door slam shut. That'll be Buffy then she thought wryly. She willed herself to bear in mind the conversation she had had with Tara earlier on that evening. Tara had picked up on the fact that Willow was distracted about something and Willow had ended up confessing everything that had been going on with Buffy lately. She told her about the troubles with Riley and the issues with Spike. When she confided in her girlfriend that she was convinced that there was something developing between Buffy and Spike that went beyond mere friendship Tara, who had been listening quietly up to that point, had turned to her and asked "What about Riley?" 

Willow had fallen silent for a moment at this and Tara had continued, "Whether the relationship is on the rocks or not, Buffy_ is _still dating Riley. From what you've told me she seems confident that they can work things out. You're her best friend, but are you really thinking about telling her that she should dump the guy she's been seeing for over a year for a guy she's hardly spoken to for months? There _might_t be something between her and Spike and breaking up with Riley_ might_ be a good move, but Buffy has to work these things out for herself – you can't make these decisions for her sweetie." 

So here was Willow, lying on her bed, available if Buffy needed a friend to talk to. Tara had left that night for that very reason and Willow was sure, from the way the door slammed shut, that Buffy might need someone to, if not talk to, at least someone to rant at. She got up, walked down the hallway and tentatively knocked at Buffy's door. 

"It's only me. Can I come in?" She poked her head round the door. Buffy sat on the bed, hair a wild mess around her face, hugging Mr Gordo as if he were a lifeline. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that tonight didn't go well." Willow said kindly as she sat down next to Buffy on the bed. Buffy looked at her. 

"The phrase 'unmitigated disaster' comes to mind." She said dryly before detailing what had gone on that night, leaving out the bits about thinking Spike looked hot. 

"He hates me!" She declared dramatically when she came to the end of her monologue. 

"I'm sure he doesn't." Willow said gently. 

"He does – it's obvious! He could hardly look at me, let alone talk to me when I was round at his place and then, just to top things off, I went and broke his nose! I'm telling you, the guy hates me." 

"You don't think you could just be jumping to conclusions? You know, it's happened with you before…" Willow tried. 

"When?" 

"Well, there was that time when…" 

"Yes, well, we don't talk about that time, do we? So, I'm prone to misunderstandings. But, I'm telling you, this is not one of them. He hates me, no two ways about it." 

"Do you write me off this quickly when we have a fight?" Willow asked her friend. Buffy looked at her and frowned. 

"What do you mean?" She asked, confused. 

"What I said – do you write off all your friends this easily?" 

"This is different." 

"Why?" Willow pressed. 

"Because it is. That's why." Buffy said defensively. "Look, it's late. I'm tired – I've had a hell of a day and I'm exhausted from last night. I think I'm just going to go to bed." Buffy looked at her friend pointedly and Willow sighed and stood, realising that, yet again, her best friend was going to shut her out. 

Let's just hope that Tara was right and she figures it out for herself. Willow thought as she climbed into her bed.


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 **

* * *

A/N – right, lets get one thing straight. I'm British – that means that the sport is football – not soccer. Bear that in mind. smile 

Willow and Tara worked around each other in the kitchen with the efficiency and calm of two people used to being around each other, each almost instinctively knowing what the other wanted or where they needed to be without the words being said. Vegetables were chopped and fried, water boiled, rice cooked with no fuss or bother. It was almost peaceful and the ease and intimacy of it gave Willow time to reflect. 

It had been a strange few weeks really. The flat hadn't seemed, well, right somehow. It was all different to how it had been. Oz was never in. Okay, so maybe that's not all that different Willow reflected, but then Xander was hardly ever there either these days - the thing with Anya had really taken off and he was spending more and more time with her. Which is a good thing Willow told herself firmly. It was a good thing – when he _was _around Xander was definitely happier. And as for Buffy Willow thought and mentally sighed to herself. 

Buffy had been distant ever since the night she had broken Spike's nose. She'd disappeared early the next morning and Willow hadn't seen her for days, except to say 'hi' to in passing. Willow had been desperate to find out what was going on, but Buffy had just refused to talk about it. There was no mention of Riley or Spike at all and then suddenly, about a week after the 'night from hell' as it had been dubbed, Willow had come home from lectures one day to find Buffy and Riley curled up on the sofa together, watching TV as though the events of the past week had never happened. Buffy was all 'happy smiles' and 'isn't Riley wonderful'. Willow just thought it as all a bit bizarre and wondered just how long Buffy could keep up the pretence that her life was perfect and there was absolutely nothing wrong. 

So far Willow mused to herself as she chopped up a red pepper, about three weeks. Not bad going, even for 'denial girl'. 

It was now the last night of term and Willow and Buffy were due on a flight home the next day. Bags were packed and everything was ready. Tonight was the last night of term party really. Not that it was really a party – more of a gathering with food. Willow had decided that the Chinese banquet idea that had been being tossed around all term was finally going to happen and had single-handedly organised it. There were a few ground rules: firstly, everyone had to cook a Chinese dish to bring (and take away was not allowed) and secondly, guests were allowed, but only one per house member (they only had enough bowls and chopsticks for eight). 

So as the evening drew in it found Willow and Tara in the kitchen of the flat. Buffy was upstairs cooking with Riley, Xander was cooking at Anya's and they would bring their dishes over in a bit and Oz, who knows where_ he_ is! Oz would probably turn up at the last minute, like he usually did. Willow wasn't even sure if he was bringing someone. 

A couple of hours later saw the table pulled out into the middle of the living room and laid with bowls and chopsticks for people to use. The oven was full of dishes keeping warm and Buffy, Riley, Anya, Xander, Willow and Tara were sitting round, waiting for Oz to appear. He'd phoned earlier to say that he would be back by eight and it was now 7:45. Everyone was getting hungry and hoped that he would be early, so there was almost a stampede for the door when the bell rang. 

"I'll go!" Buffy declared racing up the stairs. It did seem a bit strange that Oz was ringing the doorbell – he should have a key after all. Perhaps he lost it. Or perhaps his arms are so full of yummy food that he couldn't reach his keys She thought – brightening at the prospect. 

She reached the front door and pulled it open. Her jaw nearly hit the floor. She'd been right about one thing – the figure at the door was laden down with food, and it did smell delicious. But it wasn't Oz. This figure was taller, definitely more blonde – 

"Spike." Buffy finally found her voice. She swallowed and smiled thinly, not quite able to meet his gaze, "What are you doing here?" 

"What's it look like? Here for the grub. Brought mine." He indicated the several large containers. "An' it's heavy, so if you don't mind?" He moved to enter the building and Buffy instinctively moved out of his way before snapping her mouth shut and following him. 

"How did you know about tonight?" 

"Oz told me – 'm his guest. This is both of our food and it took bloody ages to cook." He said over his shoulder as he started down the stairs. 

When he made it downstairs he made a beeline for the kitchen and sighed gratefully as he deposited his stack of dishes into the oven, flexing his arms to relieve the tension that the heavy load had caused in his shoulders. He turned as he felt a tap on his shoulder. Willow was standing behind him. 

"We really need to talk." She hissed at him before beckoning him into a corner of the room. 

"What's up, luv?" Spike thought about quipping but he was genuinely confused as to why the redhead was so desperate to talk to him. 

Willow decided to come straight to the point, "Do you hate Buffy?" 

"What? No! Where the hell did you get that, quite frankly, bloody ridiculous idea from?" Spike was astonished at the idea. 

"From the mouth of the lady herself – she's convinced that you hate her." 

"Ah – that'll be the reason for the less than joyous reception I got from her then." 

"I think that's also left over guilt from the whole nose-breaking episode. Looking good by the way." Willow looked at his nose, trying to see any sign that it was different than before – she failed. 

"I know – I was lucky." Spike shrugged. 

"Anyway, enough of that! You have to talk to her. She won't believe anyone else – she can be a little bit stubborn at times." 

"No kidding – I had noticed! Fine, I'll go talk to her." He shook his head and wandered off in search of the girl who was almost more trouble than she was worth. Almost he thought with a grin. 

She was standing alone on the far side of the room, fussing over which CD to play. 

"Tough choice?" he asked, standing directly behind her. She jumped slightly and turned to face him. 

"Not really – thought that the old fall back of the compilation would be the best. Something for everyone." She smiled at him, but he noticed that it didn't quite reach her eyes. 

"You okay, luv?" He asked, concerned. 

"Yes, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" She turned to put the CD in. 

"Just…" he sighed and decided to let it lie - for now. "A little bird told me something rather disturbing just now." He tried. 

"Oh, what was that?" she asked over her shoulder. He leant down and whispered in her ear. 

"That I hate you." 

Buffy nearly knocked Spike to the floor as she straightened up suddenly, all the colour draining from her cheeks as she heard the words that she'd been telling herself over and over again for the past few weeks. Suddenly there wasn't enough oxygen in the air as she tried to concentrate on the fact that he was still speaking. 

"Wh-wh-what did you say?" she managed to get out. 

"I said that I don't know where someone would get that idea from. I don't hate you pet." He said kindly and smiled genuinely at her. She looked up at him, brows furrowing slightly. 

"You don't hate me?" she asked quietly. 

"No, luv" he blushed ever so slightly. "In fact, just the opposite." He looked down, now he was the one unable to meet her gaze and part of him was cursing himself as a complete idiot for saying that. 

"What…?" Buffy seemed confused for a minute as she tried to grasp what he said and then realisation dawned on her face. "Oh. Oh!" She bit her lip, unsure of what to say. "Spike, I mean, you're a really nice guy and all, but, well, Riley and, and…" 

"I didn't tell you for that Buffy." Spike interrupted. "What kind of a tosser do you take me for, anyway? Just wanted you to know that I don't, have never and will never, hate you." He smiled sweetly. She returned his smile and it reached her eyes for the first time that night. He opened his mouth to say something when he noticed her eyes flicker over his shoulder. 

"Riley!" she said as she turned towards her boyfriend who had walked up to the pair. Riley put his arm possessively round his girlfriend's shoulder. 

"Spike," he said, smile ghosting across his lips. 

"Riley." A nod of the head. 

Buffy cringed slightly as the testosterone levels in the room seemed to suddenly rise sharply as the two men eyed each other up – Riley's posture and positioning clearly screaming "mine!" Spike just stood there nonchalantly as if Riley hadn't just walked in on him professing his feelings for the other bloke's girlfriend – he was fairly sure that Riley hadn't overheard what they had been discussing anyway. This attitude seemed to faze Riley slightly and they stood there for a few minutes, each waiting for the other to speak first in what seemed like some kind of game of mental chicken. 

Riley lost. 

"Haven't seen you around here much lately," he said, trying to sound casual. 

"Yeah, well, better things to do," Spike replied 

"Like what?" 

"Know a guy who can get United tickets, so been up at Old Trafford a lot lately." Spike shrugged as if it were nothing. 

"Really?" Riley suddenly dropped the casual tone and actually sounded interested. "Any more going round?" 

Spike looked surprised. "Didn't have you down for the football type mate – y'look more of a rugby guy to me." Riley shrugged 

"I am, but, I mean, come on! We're talking about United here – the tickets are like gold dust and who's gonna pass up the chance to see possibly one of the best teams in the world play at their home ground?" Spike smiled. 

"They are great, aren't they? I was there last week when…" 

Buffy decided that this was her cue to leave and deftly extricated herself from under Riley's arm. He didn't even notice, so engrossed was he in conversation with the guy who, only moments ago, he seemed willing to start with. She wandered over to Willow who was fretting over the table. 

"It looks fine," she laughed. 

"I know, but I guess I wanted something to do. Typical Oz, always late" she referred to their still-absent friend with a laugh before turning to her friend, "So?" 

"So what?" Buffy asked innocently 

"So, you and Spike, whispering in the corner… spill!" Willow demanded. 

"You just want me to admit that you were right and I was wrong – as usual." 

"Yep." 

"Fine," Buffy sighed. "You were right, it was all a big misunderstanding." 

"He doesn't hate you?" 

"No." Buffy felt herself start to blush and ducked her head, hoping her friend wouldn't notice. But she did. 

"Buffy – you're blushing. What aren't you telling me?" 

Buffy looked frantically around the room for a way to avoid the question – Spike would not be happy if she when blabbing what he'd said to her friends, she was fairly convinced it had been for her ears only. Her saviour was just coming down the stairs. 

"Look! Oz is here!" Buffy exclaimed in a voice that was slightly too vivacious, but it did the trick. Willow turned and smiled before scooting off towards the kitchen to play hostess and grab the food. 

Everyone congregated around the table as the food was brought forth. They were all of varying abilities when it came to cooking, so everyone was a little surprised that it all looked, at the very least, edible and, in some cases, mouth-wateringly delicious. They all sat eagerly down at the table, apart from Spike who wandered into the kitchen and returned moments later with a slim, black, glass bottle. He smiled devilishly as he offered it round the table. 

"Sakè – anyone up for it? Never tried the stuff meself, but figured there's a first time for everything." 

The bottle was passed around the table and tried by everyone – and rejected straight away as foul by most. In the end only Spike and Riley were willing to drink the strong Oriental liquor. 

"That's it! That's enough – this can't go on any longer!" Spike declared from his position slumped on the living room floor, back against the sofa. 

The only people left in the room were Riley, Spike and Buffy. Anya and Xander had been the first to leave, Anya declaring that she had better uses for Xander that night, surprising everybody with her use of something that might just pass as tact and discretion. Willow and Tara had made their excuses soon after and Oz had melted back into his room quietly at some point later in the evening – nobody was quite sure when. 

It had become some kind of competition between Spike and Riley – who could drink the most. It couldn't be described as who could drink the other under the table because, well, Riley_ was_ sitting under the table for some unknown reason that was probably highly amusing if you'd had stupid amounts of alcohol. But then again, Spike wasn't much better, having decided at about the same time as Riley that the floor was the best place to be. 

Buffy would have gone to bed hours ago – she had a plane to catch the next day after all – and sitting watching two men get steadily drunk wasn't really her idea of a good time - though I do get to laugh at them - but neither of them had shown any sign of wanting to quit and so she had decided that someone had better stay to make sure it didn't all go horribly wrong. Have to admit, I didn't think Spike would be the one to quit first. 

"H've t'go t'bed. No' drinkin' anymor'!" Spike hauled himself up onto the sofa and Buffy went over to him 

"Come on you, up – I'll get the bed out properly for you." She tried to pull him up but failed. 

"No pro'l'm luv, 'm 'appy like this. Jus' gimme a duvet 'n'll be jus' fine," he slurred sleepily. She smiled and carefully tucked the spare duvet which had been behind the sofa round his already sleeping form before sighing and turning towards the table, hands on hips. 

"Don't make me come under there after you!" She threatened jokingly, bending down to look at the figure under the table. He sulked a little and then crawled out. 

"He might have drunk me under the table, but that didn't stop me! And it paid off – he gave up first – the wuss!" he staggered upright and Buffy groaned slightly as he leaned his weight against her. 

"Yeah, yeah – you're just great," she moaned sarcastically as they staggered up the stairs. "But I'm still kicking you out. I have a plane to catch tomorrow. Or, actually, later today, and you snore when you're drunk, so go sleep in your own bed." Buffy stood holding the door open. 

Riley did the usual moaning and complaining about having to leave, but he eventually did and Buffy made her way back to her own bed to grab a few hours sleep before she had to be at the airport.


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 **

The room was grey, the walls weren't painted and she thought that they might be made of stone. It was light in the room though – the sunlight entering the room through windows set high in the thick, grey walls. She was fairly sure that he'd been asleep in the ragged green chair that stood to one side of the room when she walked in, pushing the heavy wooden door open with all the force she could muster. It banged against the wall loudly, waking the figure in the chair that jumped to his feet.

"It's you, should've known." He said moving to stand in front of her. His eyes never left hers as she walked towards him wondering where they were and what she was doing here in this empty, grey room. She came to a stop in front of him and for a moment they just stood there, staring into each other's eyes.

Suddenly he grabbed her by the upper arms and kissed her, trying to inject all the passion he felt into that one kiss. She returned it for a moment, more out of habit than anything else, then pulled back with dismay. She brought her hand to her mouth and looked up at him, brow furrowing. Confused she reached up around the back of his head and pulled him towards her, kissing him passionately. She felt his hands clutch at her back and his mouth leave hers to kiss her cheek. She stood frozen, she couldn't move.

"I love you Buffy." She heard him whisper to her and still she stood there. Then she pulled back and looked him in the eye, she smiled sadly.

"But I don't love you Riley. I'm sorry."

Buffy awoke with a gasp, tears streaming down her face as the dream came flooding back to her.

"No. Oh no." she shook her head, trying to tell herself that it was just a dream, just a silly dream, but she knew that it wasn't. She looked at the clock 5:24. She was in her bedroom, at home in her mother's house in Sunnydale and had been for the best part of a week now.

She swallowed a couple of times, trying to banish the tears that continued to stream down her face, but it was no good. She picked up the phone and dialled.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice on the other end of the line said.

"I don't love him." Buffy sobbed down the line.

"Oh, god Buffy, are you okay?" Willow was suddenly very awake.

"No, I don't think I am. What am I going to do Will. I tried and tried. It shouldn't be like this. We were the perfect couple – he was everything I was supposed to want and I tried so hard to make it work. But I can't do it anymore. I don't love him. Why don't I love him? What do I do?" She burst into a fresh round of sobs. At the other end of the line Willow looked at the clock and stifled a sigh. Looks like I'm getting up then.

"What you do is go and have a shower – I'll meet you in an hour for an early breakfast – things always look better over coffee and a large plate of fattening pancakes with far too much syrup – it's a proven fact." Willow said matter-of-factly.

"But I don't like coffee" Buffy complained, sniffling now rather than sobbing.

"I'm sure they have alternatives. Now go, shower." Willow said before hanging up the phone and turning over for another few minutes sleep before she had to get dressed.

The two girls were the only ones in the restaurant that early in the morning and the waitress looked at them wondering why the pale redhead who looked like she was still half asleep and the tiny blonde with the huge bloodshot eyes felt the need to be here at this time in the morning. She shrugged and turned away – the world was full of odd people.

Buffy had managed to stop crying by the time she met Willow and she sat at the table, nervously shredding napkins from the dispenser, not knowing what to say.

"You got me out of bed – you get to speak first." Willow stated firmly, taking a large mouthful from the mug of strong, hot coffee in front of her.

"I don't love him." Buffy said quietly.

I gathered _that _through the sobs on the phone Willow thought somewhat meanly – she didn't really react well to early morning wakeup calls, but she swallowed the thought and prepared to be supportive to her friend who seemed to have finally realised what Willow had suspected, then known, for quite some while now. This was finally the end for Buffy and Riley and Buffy seemed to be suffering from shock right now.

"I tried, really I did. I wanted so much for it to work and then I woke up this morning and I knew it wasn't going to." Buffy gabbled, desperate to fill the silence. Willow just made encouraging listening sounds, knowing that the best thing for her friend would be just to talk about it – she didn't need advice right now.

"And then it suddenly hit me. I realised that I haven't loved him for a long time now. And, god Will, I'm only 20 and here am I running round trying to change and be this perfect thing and make this relationship work as though we've been married for years or something. And it's making me miserable. And I can't do it anymore." She took a deep breath. "It's over. It has to be. I have to break up with Riley."

Willow watched the emotions play across her friend's face. The final one seemed more like relief than anything else. Relief that she knew what to do and Willow suddenly realised that Buffy was going to be fine.

"So, what you gonna do?" Willow asked carefully, just as two large plates of pancakes arrived. Buffy avoided answering for a while, thinking about the question as she busied herself with preparing her pancakes with far too much syrup. She cut a piece off the first one, then looked at it and put down the fork – suddenly realising that food was the last thing she wanted right now. She looked across the table at Willow.

"I've let this thing go on long enough – I can't drag it out any further. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. But I have to tell him face to face.

"I'm going to go back to England a few days early – and alone before you suggest coming with me. I know Riley's still there, he didn't go home for the Easter break, so I can talk to him and we can sort this out before everyone comes back. I think that would be best." She looked over for confirmation.

"Sounds sensible to me, but are you sure that you don't want me to come with you?"

"Yes Will, I'm sure. I need to do this on my own." Buffy said determinedly. She looked back down at her plate of rapidly cooling pancakes. "But can we get out of here now – the smell of all this food is really turning my stomach."

"Sure, let's go." Willow smiled and called for the cheque.


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Alone. 

That one little word perfectly summed up how Buffy felt and how she had felt ever since she boarded her transatlantic flight from LAX. 

It wasn't the fact that she was on her own – she'd undertaken the journey solo before, after all. But this was different, before now she'd always known that there would be someone to meet her at the other end. Today there was no one. 

She walked into the departure lounge carrying her bags and caught herself looking for a friendly face. 

You know that there's nobody there, it's just you. She took a deep breath and made her way through the throng of people to the exit and the taxi rank. 

Buffy sat silently in the back of the taxi as it pulled away from the terminal building. She stared out of the window, watching as the airport road gave way to fields full of horses and cows, which, in turn, gave way fairly quickly to houses and they reached the suburbs of Manchester. The houses flitted past and the area became more and more built up as they reached the inner city. But Buffy hardly noticed – all this was familiar to her now, she'd made the journey too many times to count and she couldn't drag her mind away from what lay at the end of the relatively short taxi ride. 

Riley. 

She sighed. For all her planning she really had no idea how to approach this. The coward in her hoped that he would be out when she got there, but deep down inside she knew that it would be best if he was in so she could face this and deal with it. 

Buffy was wrenched out of her thoughts when the taxi came to an abrupt stop outside the flat. She paid the driver and got out, carrying her bags into the eerily empty and silent hallway before letting herself in. 

She walked into her bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall opposite, bags abandoned on the floor. There was nobody else here. No one would be until next week. It was just her. 

She sat there for what seemed like hours, but in reality was probably only a few minutes. So, this is it she thought. No going back now. I can't believe that I'm actually going to do this. Reality hit home hard as she realised that it had to be now or she'd keep putting it off forever. She got up – she'd go talk to him, but first she had to have a shower and get changed. 

She stood outside the front door of the upstairs flat, hesitating for a minute, fist raised to knock at the door. She took a deep breath, steeled herself and knocked. 

The door was opened almost immediately by Riley who, predictably, looked astonished to see her. 

"Buffy! What are you doing here? I mean… God, that came out all wrong. I meant – it's great that you are here, but I didn't think that you were back 'til next week. Why didn't you call? I would have picked you up from the airport. God! What am I thinking? Come here!" He pulled her to him and into his embrace and she deftly avoided his kiss, pulling away as soon as she could. He frowned and looked at her. 

"Riley, we need to talk." 

Buffy wandered down Market Street, shoppers moving out of her way as she made no effort to move out of theirs. She didn't really know why she was walking down the main shopping precinct in Manchester city centre, she just knew that she'd had to get out of the flat and this was where the first bus which came along was headed – in her current state she didn't really think she was fit to drive. 

To say that Riley hadn't taken it well was probably the understatement of the year. Even devastated seems a little inadequate she thought. 

He hadn't believed her at first – he'd accused her of playing some kind of sick joke and she couldn't believe that he'd think she could ever be that cruel. She had tried to explain, to get him to acknowledge that they'd been having problems for some time now, but he hadn't wanted to see it and had refused to understand what was going on. He'd tried to reason with her next, saying that they could work it out. 

Things got a little scary for a moment when she'd told him it was over, that there was nothing to work on. He'd suddenly stood and started pacing before turning and hitting out. She'd flinched visibly as his fist had impacted with the wall, leaving a visible dent. 

It was then that the tears came. Having released his emotion in violence he'd collapsed back onto the sofa next to her, the first tear rolling down his cheek and she'd held him, neither of them speaking. 

They'd stayed that way for quite some time until his tears had stopped. He'd pulled away and smiled sadly at her and that was the moment that broke her heart – seeing the acceptance in his eyes. That moment of finality. 

They'd kissed – a passionless but friendly goodbye – and she'd left. 

And now here she was, wandering aimlessly. She was physically and mentally drained, but she couldn't face returning to the flat yet, knowing that he was just upstairs and that she was all alone. At least here she was surrounded by people, even if they were all strangers who didn't give her a second glance. 

So she wandered, looking into shop windows without seeing their contents, the look on her face so totally blank that not even the people collecting for charity tried to attract her attention. There was nothing to distract her from her thoughts. 

"Buffy!" 

The voice called from behind her, seemingly from far away. She ignored it and carried on walking. 

"Buffy!" This time the voice was accompanied by a firm hand on her shoulder, stopping her and turning her around to look into the clear blue eyes of its owner. She stared at him for a minute and then attempted a smile. 

"Hi" she said quietly. 

Spike had spotted her across the crowds and hurried over to catch up, but he was shocked when she turned to face him. Her hair was dishevelled, her eyes blood-shot and puffy and she'd obviously been crying. In all, she looked like her world had just been pulled out from under her, and when she smiled at him, it didn't even pretend to reach her eyes. 

"Luv? Pet, what's happened?" He asked caringly. Her eyes welled up with fresh tears as he asked the question. 

"Riley and I have broken up." A single tear rolled down her cheek and suddenly she launched herself into his arms, lent against his chest and burst into tears. Spike didn't give it a second thought – he wrapped his arms around her and held her whilst she cried, murmuring comforting nothings into her hair. 

He held her until he felt her sobs subside and she stood quietly in his arms, then he placed a hand gently on the small of her back and steered her away from the crowded street. She looked up at him. 

"Where are we going?" 

"Pub" he said matter-of-factly pointing down a side street. 

"Why?" 

"Well, firstly because you look like you need to sit down before you collapse with exhaustion," he explained as they crossed a busy main road and started down a wide alley lined with small but expensive looking boutiques. "And secondly, because you need a drink." He caught her look. "Yes, I know, you don't really drink, but you look like you could do with one right now." He steered her across another busy street and in through the front door of a large glass-fronted bar. 

It was cool and quiet inside – a stark contrast to the hustle and bustle of the crowded city streets they had just left behind. The high ceilings of the large pub swallowed the quiet conversations of the few patrons already seated in alcoves and at tables around the room. Spike led her further into the pub, towards a quiet corner at the back. Stopping he indicated for her to take a seat. 

"Sit. I'll be back in a minute." As Buffy obediently sat he disappeared towards the bar, returning minutes later with two pints of lager and a packet of crisps. He sat down next to her, pushed one of the pints towards her and opened the packet out on the table so that they could share. 

Buffy picked up the pint glass and took a sip, making a face at the taste of it. "Never liked this stuff, but it's strangely comforting," she said, not looking at him. She took another sip and sighed. Spike said nothing – he just sat back, slowly sipping his pint and munching crisps. 

They sat in companionable silence for a while and Buffy was grateful that he let her just _be_. There was no pressure on her to explain, but at the same time his very presence seemed to lend her the support she needed to relax. She yawned, exhaustion suddenly hitting her hard. 

"When was the last time you slept, pet?" Spike asked, glancing at the bags under her eyes. 

"Before I left home." 

"What? US home? That must have been yesterday near enough!" Spike said slightly incredulously. 

"More than likely, but I needed to get things sorted out with Riley." 

"Oh?" Spike said, trying to encourage her to talk, but not wanting to push it if she didn't want to. 

"I realised over the vacation that I didn't love him, so I came back early to end it," she explained bluntly. 

"So, that's it? You've done it?" 

"Oh. Yeah." She looked at him. "You know – I've never broken it off with anyone before. I was always under the impression that if it was you who did the leaving it was meant to hurt less, but right now it feels as if someone's ripped my heart out. And I just feel so guilty…" 

"He didn't take it well then?" 

"You really think he would?" 

"Guess not." 

"I feel so guilty and I keep wondering if I've done the right thing." Spike turned to face her, so that he was looking her directly in the eyes. 

"Were you happy?" 

"No." she said definitely. 

"Then you've just answered your own question. Look, you realised that you weren't happy and he was never going to make you happy and it wasn't going to work – right?" 

"Right." 

"And so you ended it – right?" 

"Right." 

"Now you could have let it drag on for months and months and the outcome would probably have been the same. If you know it's not going to work, nothing you can do can change that. The only thing you would have achieved by staying with him would have been to hurt him even more in the process. Riley's not stupid, he would have noticed that your heart wasn't in it. I know that I would have preferred it if Dru had just been honest and left instead of playing around behind my back trying to get me to dump her. The end of our relationship dragged on forever. Yes, you broke his heart, but at least it was a clean break and it'll heal. Same for you, though your state isn't helped by lack of sleep." The latter bit was said in a slightly parental tone and Buffy smiled slightly, but a real smile. 

"Yes, dad!" Spike joined her in the grin. 

"That's better. Look, why don't you go home and get some rest? You'll feel better for it." 

"I've been trying to avoid that one." She grimaced. 

"Why?" 

"No-one's there. Like I said – I came back early and the flat's empty until next week." 

"Okay, so you're 'Lonely Girl' then? Fine. But you still need some sleep. Go home, have a nice long bath and an early night. I'll pick you up at 7:30 tomorrow night." 

"7:30 – why. What's going on?" 

"I'm taking you out for dinner." He noticed the look on her face. "In a purely 'friends' capacity. If Willow were here you two would work through this with massive amounts of ice-cream and a night of watching chick-flicks and moaning about the evils of men – right?" Buffy just laughed. "Right. Well, that's not really my scene, so I'll go for option number two – I'm going to take you out for dinner and treat you like a princess all night. Spoiling you rotten is bound to cheer you up for a bit. You up for that" 

"Definitely!"


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

The world seemed a much nicer place the next day. It's amazing what 12 hours sleep can do for your outlook on life Buffy thought with a grin as she headed towards the shower. 

She'd taken Spike's advice yesterday. He'd walked her to the bus stop and she'd gone home, spent two luxurious hours in the bath, listening to gentle music and then she'd gone to bed. She'd known that she was tired, but had realised quite_ how_ tired until she'd woken up the next morning. Scrap that thought - call it the next afternoon. She'd spent the rest of the day lazing around the house doing as little as possible and now she was going to get ready for her not-a-date with Spike. She was really looking forward to it. Considering that only yesterday she thought her world was going to end she could hardly believe how up beat she felt about things now. 

He arrived dead on 7:30 and Buffy smiled as she opened the door for him, scanning her eyes appreciatively down his body. He'd really made an effort tonight - his usual jeans replaced with a perfectly tailored charcoal grey suit with a cream open-collared shirt, 

"You look nice," she complimented him with a twinkle in her eye. 

"As do you," he returned the compliment as he took in the simple black dress she was wearing. It fell to mid thigh and had a plain scooped neck and tiny straps. Her hair fell loose about her shoulders and she had only a touch of makeup on. In all, Spike thought she looked absolutely stunning. "You ready to be spoilt?" he asked her, offering his arm. 

"Always" she replied with a smile, hooking her arm through his as they walked down the path. "So, where are we going?" 

"Via Felicini - it's a little Italian place in Didsbury village. Heard good things about it." Stopped for a moment and turned to face her. "Right - there are some ground rules for tonight and you either accept them without argument or you can go home now." 

"Not sure I like the sound of that." Buffy frowned at him. 

"Hear me out, okay? Firstly - I'm paying. Secondly - no looking at prices and choosing the cheapest on the menu. Thirdly - no moping of any kind. Do I make myself understood?" He looked down at her with mock severity and she bit back a laugh. 

"I think that I can handle that, but, are you sure you can afford." 

"Ah, ah, ah - I told you, no complaints. Or do you want me to walk you home right now?" 

"No, no - that's fine - let's go." She took hold of his hand and pulled him down the street. 

"I have a table booked in the name of Giles," Spike said politely to the maitre d' who greeted them at the door of the small restaurant. 

"Ah, yes. Please, if you would follow me." The man led them to a table to one side of the restaurant. He pulled a chair back and Buffy sat down as Spike sat across from her. The man handed each of them a menu and then proceeded to light the single candle in the middle of the table. "Would Sir care to see the wine list?" he asked, before disappearing off at the affirmative and reappearing moments later with a new folder. 

"Thank you." 

They each looked at the menu, Buffy's eyes bugging slightly as she scanned the price list - but she had promised, so she simply swallowed and decided to try and ignore that part of the menu. She scanned the list and was immediately hit with indecision - so much of it looked delicious, she had no idea how she was going to chose. 

"It all looks so good," she moaned across the table. 

"I know." Spike agreed. 

Eventually, though, they made up their minds and a waitress took their order. 

"And would you like any drinks?" she asked. 

"Yes. We'll have a." Spike looked at the wine list knowingly, "bottle of the Chablis Premiere Cru." 

"And a bottle of mineral water," Buffy added. Spike gave her a look. 

"Very good," the waitress commented before moving off. 

"Please. Tell me you're not intending to drink water all night. That was a bloody good bottle of wine I just ordered and you _will _have some." 

"Don't worry Spike; I'm going to have some wine. I just wanted some water as well. You have a problem with that?" She raised an eyebrow at him. 

"No, of course not" he said, somewhat sheepishly as he remembered that this was her night. 

"I couldn't eat another thing!" Buffy declared as she finished her tiramisu. Dinner had been fabulous - not only had the food been the best she'd ever tasted, but Spike had been at his sparkling best. She was happy and contented and all her worries and stresses seemed to have melted away. Though that could have something to do with the whole bottle of wine I've drunk tonight she mused. 

"Pet?" 

"What?" 

"You've got some cream." He indicated her cheek where a small blob of cream had somehow deposited itself. "Here, let me." He reaches across the table and brushed the cream from her cheek before bringing his finger to his mouth and licking off the cream with little flicks of his tongue. She was sure he hadn't meant it as an erotic thing, but Buffy's brain had other ideas. She watched as he reached towards her and she felt his finger trace her cheek and it seemed to leave little tingles in its wake. And then she watched, it seemed almost in slow motion, he brought the finger back to his mouth, her pupils dilating as his tongue flicked out and deftly licked off the cream. She was helpless to prevent the sudden musings of her mind on that tongue and what else it could do. 

She shook herself out of her daze and desperately tried to think of something to say. Spike came to the rescue. 

"You want coffee?" he asked, seemingly unaware of her distraction a minute before. 

"No. Actually, I think the wine's gone to my head slightly. Maybe you could just walk me home?" The wine. Yes, that's it. All the fault of the wine that I find him so. she trailed off as she listened to him ask the waitress for the bill. God, he's got a sexy voice. 

Spike paid the bill and stood up, offering his arm again to Buffy. He wasn't sure what had come over him before; he hadn't meant to actually wipe the cream off her face himself. She was meant to have done it, but suddenly he felt his arm moving of its own volition. The reasonable part of his brain that had apparently lost control went from a little surprised to utterly gob smacked when, instead of wiping the cream on his napkin, he proceeded to lick it off his finger! He had to admit to himself that it had taken all the little control he had left not to present the cream-covered digit to her mouth. 

So, in retrospect, maybe the intimate, romantically lit little Italian restaurant was a bad idea he thought as they left the restaurant. 

He looked down at Buffy who was busily chattering way about something or other, but all he could think of was how beautiful she looked tonight. 

God, I love her. 

He mentally paused at the thought and mulled it over. He'd never really stopped to examine his feelings for her before, but the three little words seemed to fit. They felt, right, somehow and he knew they were true - he loved the girl who walked beside him, loved everything about her. The way she talked, the way she could laugh at almost anything, the way they argued and played off each other, even the ability she had to severely piss him off at times. He smiled to himself as he quietly accepted that fact of his love for her. 

The smile faded though as he realised that he would never stand a chance with her. He had made the ultimate mistake - he had become her friend. She'd never see him as anything more than that, but he could deal with that. He was happy to take whatever she'd give him. Sad, but true he reflected. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a tugging on his arm. 

"Look, swings!" 

He looked in the direction she was pointing and saw they were standing at the edge of the local park, just round the corner from the flat. Sure enough, there in the middle of the grassy expanse, were two swings. 

"Don't you think we're a little old for that, pet?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice. 

"It's a little known fact that you're _never_ too old for swings," she said matter-of-factly, pulling him over to them. 

"Oh well - if it's a fact then who am I to complain?" Spike responded with mock seriousness and then broke out into a grin. "Bet I can get higher than you!" he declared as he jumped onto the nearest one and started pumping higher and higher. 

"Hey! No fair!" Buffy complained as she took the other one and worked at catching him up. Spike watched her work determinedly out of the corner of his eye, pushing her legs out in front of her, golden hair streaming out behind her and dress riding further and further up her thighs. He was torn between wanting to win his little bet and just wanting to stop and watch her. She looked truly glorious at the moment - carefree and with all the stress, which was so clearly evident just the day before, seemingly wiped away. He slowed to a stop, smile playing across his face. 

"Ha! I win!" she crowed, also slowing to a stop. They sat, swinging lightly for a second before Buffy stood and went to lie on a raised patch of grass a little way off. Spike decided to join her and they lay there, staring up at the sky. 

"You just can't see the stars properly here," Spike complained. "You should see the sky at my parent's place - it's so dark there you can see so much more. Here there are just too many streetlights - the haze spoils the view." 

Buffy didn't answer and Spike had gone back to trying to identify constellations when he felt a body press against his side and an arm wind its way around his chest. He craned his head slightly and looked at her. 

"You alright pet?" 

"Yes, fine," she said, not giving any reason for the sudden closeness, nor making any move to change her position. 

"You cold? D'you want my jacket?" He made as if to sit up to take off his jacket, but her arm held him firmly in place. 

"No. I'm just good like this," she murmured, looking up at him. 

He was suddenly very aware of their proximity as he stared into her clear green eyes. He took an involuntary breath and licked his lips unconsciously and she mirrored his actions. Then, before he could think about what he was doing he had lowered his head to hers and placed a long, lingering kiss on her lips. The faraway place in his brain that was still processing thoughts was surprised when she eagerly responded and he wrapped his arms round her and pulled her into his embrace. 

Mmm, Buffy, nice was about as coherent as his thoughts got, but that was enough for his brain to kick back into action. He pulled away, breaking the kiss. Oh, God! I just kissed Buffy. This has to be a bad thing - she'd only just broken up with Riley. She can't be ready for this. She." 

All rational thoughts were swept away as she firmly pulled him back into her embrace, kissing him passionately. Her hands roamed over his body, one pulling at his shirt until she successfully freed it from the waist of his trousers and she slipped her hand underneath to caress the skin of his back. The other quested upwards to entangle itself in his hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss. He struggled briefly with his conscience before giving in to her and returning her touch, letting his hand wander up and down her back, caressing the exposed skin of her shoulders and running his fingers through her hair. It was clear that they were both disappointed when the inevitable break for air came and they broke away. 

He looked up at her, leaning on one elbow, slightly raised above him, somewhat breathless. He had no idea what to do, what to say, so he just lay there on the grass looking at her slightly wide-eyed, nibbling at his bottom lip nervously, trying to keep his breathing under control. 

She smiled and placed a chaste, playful kiss on his closed lips. "I want you," she said as her hand crept over his chest, under his shirt. He gasped slightly. 

"What?" he asked, unsure whether he'd heard her properly. She pulled his shirt up, exposing the pale, lightly muscled skin underneath. Leaning over she peppered little kisses across his chest and abdomen. 

"I." Kiss. "Said." Kiss. "I." Kiss. Then she looked up, directly into his eyes and said clearly, "Want you" before returning to her task. 

He moistened his suddenly very dry mouth before croaking out, "What? Here?" 

She stopped her ministrations and took in their surroundings, looking for all the world as if she'd forgotten that they were in the middle of a park. 

"No, not here. Come on." She stood and waited for him to join her. 

He stood up, brushed a few stray pieces of grass off his suit and looked down at her, waiting for her to take the lead - he was far too confused at this turn of events to be much use in the thinking and planning department - and waiting to wake up and for all this to have been a dream. 

But he didn't wake up, instead she lifted herself onto her toes - the slight height difference between them more apparent now they were standing - and kissed him once more, slipping one hand back into his hair and one down to his arse, pulling him towards her and pressing his body against his. He did likewise, holding her tightly to him. 

Again he felt the loss as she broke away for air then looked at him, face flushed, her lips swollen slightly, chest heaving as she gasped, "Definitely. Not. Here!" 

They walked quickly out of the park and round the corner to the flat. The entrance hall was dark as she let them in, closing the door firmly behind them. 

She'd only just been able to bolt it when he tackled her, slamming her body back against the wall as she kissed him ardently. 

She pushed his jacket forcefully off his shoulders and onto the floor, his shirt soon to follow. 

They somehow made it from the front door to her bedroom without breaking contact - Spike losing clothes on the way until the back of his legs hit the edge of her bed and he found himself dressed only in his trousers and shoes. 

Buffy took one step back and looked at him, before smiling to herself and pushing him backwards onto the bed. 

She crawled over to him and reached out to undo his belt buckle, swiftly divesting him of the remainder of his clothes. She then sat back on her knees beside his prone figure and surveyed his naked form. 

"Very nice" she commented, raising one eyebrow in appreciation. 

Spike looked up at her still fully clothed figure before reaching out to touch her. She quickly moved out of his reach, retreating off the bed to stand in the middle of the room. He groaned and moved off his back to lie on his side along her bed, making no effort to hide his nakedness. 

Buffy let her eyes stray across his body one more time before they returned to his and she gazed at him, reaching behind her to undo the zip at the back of her dress. She shrugged the thin straps off her shoulder and the black material pooled around her feet. 

He stared at her body, now clad only in black lace underwear. He felt as if he couldn't breathe. She is, he thought, quite literally, breath-taking. He silently watched her as she slowly removed the rest of her clothing and joined him on the bed, afraid that to speak would be to break whatever spell seemed to be holding them here. 

As if sensing that he wasn't going to make the first move, Buffy reached out and traced a finger lightly down over his chest. He shivered slightly at the contact, at the contrast between this feather-light touch and the animal passion with which they had attacked each other only moments before in the hallway. 

He lay perfectly still as she teased his body, touching him with only the gentlest of strokes and only ever with the very tips of her fingers. She traced down over his chest, teasing his nipples lightly as she explored, over the sensitive spots on his abdomen that had him torn between wanting to whimper in pleasure and fighting not to burst out laughing and spoil the fabulous sensations her ministrations were producing. 

He groaned in pleasure and frustration as she skimmed lightly downwards. She gave him a wicked grin as she denied him want she knew he wanted and moved instead to his inner thigh. 

He could take no more of this and he moved, his speed taking Buffy by surprise as he flipped her onto her back and pinned her down. 

"It's not fair to tease a man like that," he growled playfully. She squirmed beneath him, a look of pure want tinged with a little vulnerability appearing on her face. 

"I want you Spike - now" she almost pleaded. 

"Are you sure?" he asked, scared of the question, but wanting to give her the chance to change her mind. 

She wriggled one hand free of his loose grasp and pulled him down to her. 

"Yes, I'm sure - now!" she breathed urgently before kissing him fiercely and bucking her hips up to meet his. He needed no further invitation. 

He watched, almost in awe, as her expression changed from one of near desperation to what he could only describe as one of bliss and he knew that her expression was mirrored on his own face. He stared into her eyes, lost in the pools of green, feeling like he could drown in them and die a happy man. She closed her eyes and he felt the loss immediately. 

"Buffy. Look at me pet," he asked quietly, leaning down to whisper in her ear, placing a smattering of delicate kisses along the side of her slender neck before pulling back up. Her eyes were open again and once more he found himself immediately lost in them, in the way she was looking at him. They were the only two people in the world, lost in the moment, in the act. 

She called his name as she came and he was sure that he'd never heard a sweeter sound. It pushed him over the edge and he collapsed besides her, whispering her name almost reverently. 

He pulled her close and she wrapped herself around him, resting her head on his chest. 

They didn't speak - somehow words didn't seem necessary. He stroked her hair gently until she feel asleep in his arms, breathing gently. 

He watched her sleep for a while - the curtains were slightly open and a shaft of moonlight shone in through the crack, lighting their naked forms. He was smiling as he fell asleep.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20:**

Consciousness came slowly. She was vaguely aware of the warmth of a shaft of sunlight on her face at first. Then came the awareness of a firm, muscled body beneath her cheek, holding her gently against him. It was a pleasant feeling, an agreeable way to wake up and her lips curled up into a smile. The body beneath her moved slightly. 

"Morning luv," it spoke, a hand moving to stroke her hair lightly. She opened her eyes and looked up. 

"Morning, Spike." 

He smiled at her before leaning down to kiss her. She sighed slightly as his lips met hers, feeling their softness and mentally reliving the night before - a night she never wanted to forget. 

She deepened the kiss, pulling him towards her, wrapping her arms around him to bring him into her embrace. As his arms slid around her back to hold her just as tightly she knew that, right now, at this very moment, the world was only as big as her bed and they were the only two people in it. 

They broke apart and she rested her head on his bare chest. They lapsed back into one of the comfortable silences that had been a constant throughout their relationship and just enjoyed the moment, neither one of them in a rush to leave their little world. 

Eventually, Spike moved slightly. 

"Luv, I'm going to go and have a shower, okay?" he asked, looking down at her with a slight smile. 

"Sure - you know where everything is, right?" 

"Like I haven't stayed here a million times before?" he snorted derisively before laughing and climbing out of bed. 

"See you in a minute," she called to his back as he left the room. 

She flopped back onto the pillow, smile playing across her features as she thought about the night before. It has been wonderful, perfect even. The dinner, the wine, the walk, the sex. She giggled to herself slightly at that last thought and she felt her breathing quicken slightly at the mere memory of it. She couldn't think of a word to describe how amazing it had been. It was as though he_ knew _me - almost as if he could read my mind and see exactly what I wanted. Her mind wandered happily over the memory as she played it out in her mind. 

Sex with Spike. Making love to Spike. Spike making love to me She just didn't seem to be able to keep the giddy smile off her face. 

_And so much better than Riley had ever been._ The thought rose unbidden from the depths of her mind and brought her down to earth with a crash. 

Buffy was dressed in a long t-shirt and sitting on the edge of the bed when Spike walked in, towel slung loosely round his hips and still damp from the shower, his platinum blonde locks slightly curled and ruffled. He took one look at her and knew something was wrong. He cursed himself for a fool for thinking that there had been something more to the previous night's encounter than a rebound shag and started to put on his clothes, desperate that, if she was going to tell him where to go, he would at least have the dignity of not being bollock-naked at the time. 

"We need to talk," she finally said, not sounding too enthusiastic about the idea. 

Spike considered getting the jump on her. Turning round and telling her 'it had been fun, thanks a lot, but nothing more', but her couldn't do it. He knew her too well and knew that, no matter if that had been exactly what she had been going to say, hearing it come from him would devastate her. So he simply nodded and waited. She took a deep breath. 

"I want you to know that last night, well, it was wonderful - one of the best of my life, in fact." She stood and walked towards him, stopping directly in front of him and meeting his eyes steadily. "And I don't regret one second of it." 

"Why do I get the feeling that there's a 'but' coming sometime soon?" he asked, trying to keep his voice light, hardly daring to breathe as he waited for the line he knew would shatter his world. 

"But we both know this can't go any further." 

And there it was, the arrow through his heart. He waited, knowing there was more, knowing she'd feel the need to explain. She started pacing. 

"Maybe, maybe if this had happened some other time, it would have worked and, another time, I would have been willing to give it a try." She stopped in front of him again. "But it's not another time - it's right now. I only split up with Riley the other day. It would kill him if I started dating you. I may not love the guy, but I do care about his feelings and I just can't do that to him." 

Spike's heart clung on to the only bit of good news it could find - she had near as damned admitted to having feeling for him! Maybe I could talk her round, it could work - we could keep it a secret, Riley wouldn't have to know. If she knew how I felt about her. 

"Buffy, I lo." he started. 

"Please!" she interrupted quickly. "Please, I know this'll sound really harsh, but I don't want to know how you feel about me. I'd rather you didn't tell me." She brought a hand to her head and massaged her temple. 

Cursing himself as an idiot once more, he went to her and took her into his arms. She let him hold her, unresisting, before he hooked a finger under her chin and guided her face up so that he could look her in the eye. 

"I understand, pet. An' I won't say anything about any feelings, an' I won't tell anyone about what happened last night, all right? But I'm still your friend. I will always be there for you." He pulled away and looked her straight in the face. "Understand?" 

"Yes," she said, almost meekly, suddenly feeling cowed under the intensity of his gaze. 

"Okay then." He bent his head to kiss her and she closed her eyes and leaned into it, but it wasn't the passionate kiss of the night before, or even of earlier this morning. Instead he placed a brief kiss on the end of her nose and stepped back. She looked at him, mouth slightly agape, oddly disappointed. He shrugged. 

"I should go - see you around" and with that, he turned and left. 

Buffy sat down hard on the edge of the bed, hands clutching the mattress as she held back the compelling need to run after him. She hadn't expected him to suddenly leave like that. 

_Well, what the hell did you expect? That you could tell him 'thanks, it was nice, but I only wanted you for the sex, but hey, why don't you hang around for second helpings before I kick you out and pretend like this never happened?_ the little voice in the back of her head sneered sarcastically. 

"There was no other way," she said to the empty room quietly. She just couldn't be with Spike - not like this. "I mean, what would people think?" she asked herself. "I'm just not the kind of girl who jumps from one bed to the next. I don't do that kind of thing." 

_Right. So it wasn't you that screwed Spike last night then?_

"That was the alcohol," she tried to convince herself, but she knew it was a lie. The truth was what she'd told Spike earlier - that it had been amazing and she didn't regret it. 

But, at the same time, it wasn't like her. The previous night had been something special. She'd felt as if the world was different. She'd spent her life being what she thought she should be, acting how she thought other people thought she should act and, suddenly, last night, the world changed. 

She'd always known that she didn't have to act round Spike - that she could just be herself. Pretending to be anything else around him was a complete waste of time anyway - he always saw straight through her bullshit when she tried. He always saw her and if she tried to be anything else she just added fodder to his armoury of jibes and taunts. 

And last night, alone with him, she'd felt free, unshackled and uncaring about the consequences of her actions. Suddenly the world simplified down to three little words - want, take, have. And she had. 

But that was then - this was now and the reality of the world she had created for herself had come back home. And she did care - she cared about what other people thought of her, she cared about how they would view her actions and she didn't want to find out how they would react. So she took the easy way out - she didn't move off the bed. 

Spike slammed his bedroom door behind him and threw his jacket violently onto his bed. 

"Buggery, buggery, bollocksing, arse!" he shouted at the room as he repressed the urge to hit something. 

"I am, without a doubt, the biggest ponce who ever walked the earth! What the hell was I thinking with the whole 'oh Buffy, I'll always be there for you, and don't worry - you can use me as a doormat anytime you want' speech? I should have just told the bloody bint where to go!" 

He sat down on the bed and dropped his head into his hands. The truth was, he knew, that he knew exactly what he'd been thinking when he'd given her that line - he'd meant every word of it. He'd fallen hard and fast and the girl now, near enough, had a willing slave. As much as he might rant and rave about ditching her, he'd run through fire if she asked him to. 

He just hoped it didn't come to that.


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 **  
  
It wasn't that she was trying to avoid him. It wasn't like that at all.   
  
He had nothing to do with the fact that she was standing at the bus stop today - as she had done every day since term started. It had nothing to do with him at all.   
  
It was just that it was summer now, well _apparently_ it's summer, she thought, and the weather was sometimes a lot nicer - that was why she was catching the bus. It had nothing to do with him at all. And definitely had nothing to do with the fact that she didn't want to park outside his house anymore.   
  
She wasn't trying to avoid him.   
  
Buffy sighed, looking at her watch, praying that the bus would at least make an effort at being on time tonight.   
  
Buffy was determinedly cheerful when she walked into the flat a while later. The bus, naturally, had been late.   
  
But I really don't mind standing around she tried to convince herself.   
  
She heard voices emanating from downstairs and followed them down.   
  
"Will? Xan? You home?" she called as she walked down the stairs and into the living room, then stopped, frozen in place at the foot of the stairs.   
  
Willow and Xander were, indeed, home, but there was a third figure in the room, lounging on the sofa as if he had a God-given right to be there, laughing and joking with her friends.   
  
"Hello, pet. Long time, no see." He smirked at her nonchalantly, acting for all the world as if nothing had ever happened between them. Buffy's attempt at cheerfulness vanished and she instantly forgot that she'd practically begged him not to tell anyone what had gone on.   
  
How dare he! she fumed. How dare he waltz in here, pretending like nothing happened! She glared at him.   
  
"What? No 'hello' kiss, luv?" he asked sarcastically, pretending to look hurt.   
  
In actual fact, Spike didn't have to pretend all that hard. He was feeling hurt, especially considering the looks she was throwing his way now.   
  
I did what she asked, I didn't tell, but that's not good enough for _her _is it?   
  
Willow looked from one to the other and groaned to herself.   
  
They've obviously been fighting again. Wonder what it was _this_ time? Probably something stupid and insignificant. Looks like it's time to change the subject.   
  
"Buffy," Willow said, catching her friend's attention. "Spike's here for a reason - he's got some news."   
  
"Oh yeah?" Buffy said, trying not to sound too interested.   
  
"He's got a job!" Willow exclaimed excitedly. Buffy frowned and looked at Spike, her annoyance at him evaporating as quickly as it had appeared.   
  
"A job? What, like evenings or weekends? Don't you have exams coming up?" she asked, slightly confused.   
  
"Not for now - for after I graduate," he explained patiently.   
  
"Graduate?" Buffy's frown deepened.   
  
"Buffy, he's in his final year, remember." Xander prompted. Buffy's eyes widened slightly as she took this in. She had known that this was Spike's last year at university, but somehow it hadn't really meant anything.   
  
"But, the job, it's around here, isn't it?" she asked, hopefully. Spike shook his head.   
  
"No. It's in Leeds."   
  
"Leeds! But that's, like, a hundred miles away!" Buffy exclaimed, feeling her days of being able to call round and see him at any time slipping away. I might not have actually _been _around lately, but that's different to not being able to.   
  
"It's not that far - it's only an hour's drive - an' you can visit any time you want." This last comment was directed at everyone in the room, but Spike looked at Buffy as he said it, trying to convey that he meant it especially for her.   
  
"Anyway," interrupted Willow. "We're going out to celebrate - you wanna come?" She looked at Buffy expectantly. Buffy stared at Spike for a minute longer, then shook herself out of the stupor and faced Willow, a slightly dazed look on her face.   
  
"W-w-what?" she stammered.   
  
"Are you coming out tonight?" Willow repeated.   
  
"Er," Buffy couldn't quite form a complete thought. "No. I'm, er, not feeling very well. You go without me. I'm, just going to, go lie down for a bit." With that she turned and walked upstairs.   
  
Willow and Xander exchanged confused looks.   
  
"Maybe I should go check on her - see if she's alright." Willow said, standing up. Spike put a restraining hand on her arm.   
  
"I'll go, Red. Think I know what's up wi' her. You just go get ready."   
  
Buffy was sitting on the bed, staring at the wall when she heard the soft knock. She looked up just as Spike poked his head round the door.   
  
"Mind if I come in?" he asked with a small smile.   
  
"If you must."   
  
He walked into the room and sat down on the chair next to the bed.   
  
"What was all that about downstairs just now?"   
  
"I don't know what you mean" Buffy said, somewhat dismissively.   
  
"I'm talking about the dagger-glares and the whole 'if looks could kill I'd be a tiny pile of dust on the floor right now' looks you were throwing my way. An', you've been avoiding me," he stated matter-of-factly.   
  
"I have _not _been avoiding you," she denied, unable to meet his eyes for this blatant lie.   
  
"Yeah, right - so you're not gettin' the bus into town again now?" he said, the sarcasm practically dripping from his tone. Buffy raised her eyes to meet his defiantly.   
  
"The fact that I'm getting the bus again has absolutely nothing to do with you."   
  
"Oh, come on! That's a complete load of bollocks, an' you know it! The fact is, you're avoiding me and now you're pissed because I turned up at your flat! If you wanted me out of your life, why the hell didn't you tell me at the time?" The sarcasm had fled and Buffy could hear the anger and hurt coming through now.   
  
"Is that why you're leaving - because of me?" Buffy shot back at him. He stared at her for a moment and then barked out a laugh.   
  
"Oh, yeah, I forgot - everything's always about _you_, isn't it? Well, I hate to burst your bubble, Goldilocks, but my moving has nothing to do with you!" he sneered.   
  
It was all too much; Buffy looked away and blinked back a tear. Spike caught the movement and was by her side on the bed in an instant. He took her into his arms and held her too him, stroking her hair.   
  
"Hush now, it's okay. I'm sorry I shouted - please don't cry, pet" he said soothingly. She laid her head on his shoulder and breathed in deeply, smiling as she caught the scent of smoke, old leather and something else she couldn't put a word to but that was inherently Spike.   
  
"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," she whispered. "I just thought it would be weird."   
  
"Well, it was, but only because you were avoiding me. It doesn't have to be, you know." She pulled back from his embrace and looked at him   
  
"And your moving to Leeds has nothing to do with me?" She watched his face as she asked and could have sworn that he blushed slightly.   
  
"That might have been a little bit of a lie actually," he started.   
  
"I knew it! You don't want to be around me!" she declared. Spike laughed.   
  
"No, no - you just don't get it. I was offered a job back down South, but turned it down 'cause it was too far away."   
  
"Oh." She was slightly lost for words, he just smiled.   
  
"And you can come visit any time you want," he thought about this. "In fact, if you don't, I might be forced to hunt you down" he threatened light-heartedly. Buffy looked at him, mock-seriously.   
  
"In that case, you've twisted my arm. I guess I'll be forced to come visit you." She broke out into a wide grin.   
  
"That you will. Now, seeing as how we've got past our little problem, you gonna come out and celebrate?"   
  
"As if I'd miss it - give me ten minutes to change" she declared as she shooed him from the room.   
  



	23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22  
  
"And, if you will now all please stop writing and place your pens on the desk. I remind you that you are still under exam conditions and are to remain silent and seated until all of the papers have been collected in."  
  
The examiner droned on and Buffy filtered it our, the relief lifting her above it.  
  
Finally she thought. My last exam over. No more studying until next year. Buffy smiled and tapped her fingers impatiently on the desk, which earned her an annoyed glare from the woman who was collecting in the papers.  
  
She hated this part of exams - the waiting at the end. She thought enviously of all of her friends, who had already finished their exams days ago. Only Buffy had landed an exam on the morning of the last day of the university year. Everyone else was at the flat getting ready to go to the summer ball that was being held on campus that night.  
  
Finally, after what seems like an eternity, they were dismissed and Buffy practically flew from the room.  
  
When she reached her car she smiled as she saw the familiar figure lounging against the passenger door.  
  
"You took your time" he grinned.  
  
"Yeah, well - you know how long it takes these exam-types to do everything once it finishes." Buffy shrugged and unlocked the car. "You ready to go?"  
  
"Ready and waitin'," he indicated the bag he was holding, which obviously contained his tux for that night. "Have DJ, will travel - jus' waitin' for you, pet - as always!"  
  
"Just get in the car!" Buffy growled.  
  
It had been decided that they would go to the ball as a group, rather than as couples as Spike, Buffy and Oz were single. Somewhere along the line it had also been decided that everyone would get ready together. Buffy wasn't sure how her flat had been volunteered for the venue, but it had and she decided she could go along with that.  
  
She glanced briefly at the bottle blonde in the passenger seat and smiled to herself. He had been right, in the last few weeks - once she'd stopped avoiding him - it hadn't been awkward at all. They'd fallen back into an easy friendship, albeit an incredibly flirtatious one.  
  
But tonight was the last night of term. It all seemed to be going by so quickly - it really didn't seem almost two years ago that she'd started here, but it was and she had to face the fact that next year would be her final year. Her thoughts flew back to her friends at college in the States - they were barely half way through their courses and she couldn't get used to the fact that she'd finish her degree a whole year ahead of them.  
  
Tomorrow she was headed back to Sunnydale for the summer and when she came back in the autumn, Spike would have graduated and moved away. She sighed a little sadly and Spike, as if reading her thoughts, reached across silently and squeezed her hand.  
  
By the time they had pulled up outside the flat, Buffy's spirits had picked back up again - tonight was about having fun - tomorrow would take care of itself.  
  
Buffy turned from side to side, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She smiled happily as she watched the way the blue silk dress clung to her curves in all the right places, stopping just above a pair of strapped, silver-heeled sandals that gave her the few extra inches that she craved so much. Her hair was piled high on her head, exposing the sweep of her neck, which was decorated only by the horseshoe pendant that had been a gift from Dawn. She sprayed on some of her favourite perfume and reapplied her lipstick before joining the others in the hallway to wait for the taxi, which was due any minute now.  
  
She examined the group that was already there - Willow in a long, emerald green gown standing, talking animatedly with Tara, who was dressed in a black satin dress which fell to just below the knee, and Anya, in her short, red silk dress. The guys were standing off to one side, discussing the gig they had been to the week before, all dressed immaculately in their DJs. She smiled to herself as she watched the people who formed her closest friends and decided that there may have been some bad times this year, but right now she couldn't have been happier.  
  
Should have known it wouldn't last she thought to herself as the door to the upstairs flat opened. She'd managed to avoid Riley quite successfully in the last couple of months since they'd split up- especially considering that he only lived upstairs - but she could here his voice coming from the flat and knew that she'd have to face him any minute.  
  
Spike had known when Buffy had joined them in the hallway even though he had his back to her - he had smelt her perfume as she left the flat. He resisted the urge to turn around and look at her, knowing that he'd give away his feelings if he even glanced her way for the simple reason that he wouldn't be able to just do that. He knew that he would have to stare. So he concentrated on what Oz was saying about amps, trying to follow the conversation, but with half his mind on the girl standing on the other side of the room.  
  
He heard the door to the upstairs flat open and the voices emanate from inside and he immediately stopped pretending to listen to the conversation and turned to face her. He took an instant to admire how beautiful she looked, but she had turned a little pale and her eyes were fixed on the still empty stairwell. He started to walk up to her, but stopped when he heard the sound of feet coming down the stairs.  
  
Riley came down, followed by his friends, and stopped when he entered the hallway. He looked at Buffy, took a breath and walked over.  
  
"Hi," he said, a little awkwardly.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"You look fabulous - but then you always did." He said, gazing down at her.  
  
"Thanks," Buffy said, somewhat embarrassed.  
  
"Can we talk?" he asked, looking around at her friends.  
  
"What, now?"  
  
"Yeah - I need to discuss something with you." Buffy nodded her consent and they moved off into a corner. Riley took a deep breath.  
  
"I've been offered a scholarship - a chance to study in Australia next year."  
  
"Right."  
  
"I'd stay if I had a reason to." he added hopefully. Buffy stared at him.  
  
"I'm not quite following you."  
  
"We could try to work things out."  
  
"Oh,"  
  
Spike watched the couple out of the corner of his eye; he couldn't hear what was being said, but he watched for any signs that she might need help. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding when Riley walked away and he and his friends left.  
  
Buffy looked over at him and he gave her a look that telegraphed 'are you all right?' She smiled at him and beckoned him over.  
  
"You okay, pet?" She smiled at him, obviously trying to hold back a laugh.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"Okay, what's the joke? What'd I miss?"  
  
"He asked if I wanted to get back together - said he was 'willing to give me another chance'." She couldn't hold back the laughter now.  
  
"I take it you didn't fall into his arms and live happily ever after then?" Spike said dryly. Buffy just looked at him as if he was mad, before dissolving back into a fit of laughter.  
  
"God, no! He was all, 'I have a chance of a lifetime, but I'll give it all up for you if you ask me to'. It was really weird - I honestly think that he thought I'd come running back if I thought he wasn't going to be around! Unfortunately, I had to break it to him that when I said it was over, I meant it. So, I wished him luck abroad next year and said goodbye."  
  
"So, you'll probably never see him again?"  
  
"Probably not, but I think I can live with that." Spike tried to hold back the look of sheer relief that threatened to pass over his face. She might have already told him that he had no chance with her, but he was nothing if not stubborn and as long as she was single, he'd have hope. 


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23  
  
"Ow!" Everyone turned as Buffy stumbled and fell to the floor.  
  
The ball was in full swing and they had all been having a wonderful time, but that looked like it might be set to change as they looked down at the shape of their fallen friend.  
  
"You okay, Buffy?" Xander asked, extending a hand to help her up. Buffy took it and started to stand.  
  
"Yeah, I'm. Ow, God!" she screeched as she put pressure on her right ankle. "Okay, so maybe less of the good - I think I've sprained it."  
  
With help from Xander, she hobbled over to a nearby bench and sat down, the gang crowded round her, all asking at once if she was okay, or if there was anything they could do.  
  
"Guys, guys - I've turned my ankle, I'm not dying here!"  
  
"Do you want me to take you home?" Willow asked, concerned.  
  
"No. Look, Will, you're all having a great time. I'll be fine, I can sit here and people-watch. Maybe it's not a sprain - it might clear up in a while," she said, not wanting to spoil her friends' evening.  
  
"I'll stay with her - you lot go on," Spike volunteered.  
  
After a short argument they all left, leaving Spike and Buffy alone on the bench.  
  
"You want to put your feet up?" Spike indicated his lap.  
  
"Thanks." Buffy raised both her feet to rest them on Spike's lap and leaned back against the arm of the bench.  
  
"Y'know - looking at these shoes, I'm not surprised you fell - how high are these heels." Spike asked incredulously, examining the sandals on her feet.  
  
"Look, I'm not exactly the world's tallest woman - I have to use every advantage I can - and I've never fallen in them before," she pouted.  
  
"You sure you just want to sit here - you don't want to just go home?" he asked, anxiously. Buffy looked at him and grimaced.  
  
"It does hurt a little - and this bench is uncomfortable," she admitted  
  
"And you look cold," Spike added. Buffy nodded her agreement. "Look, I tell you what - why don't we go back to mine? It's only round the corner, you can sit down for a bit and you can decide whether you want to call a taxi home, or whether you're ankle's feeling better and you want to come back," he suggested.  
  
"Sounds like a good plan - come on then."  
  
"Well, make yourself at home then." Spike helped Buffy over to the sofa in his living room and she sat down gratefully. He carefully lifted her injured foot and placed it on a cushion on the coffee table in front of her. "Can I get you a drink?"  
  
"I know it's not exactly exciting, and it doesn't go with the dress, but I'd love a."  
  
"Cup of tea?" Spike asked, grinning.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Coming right up. Oh, and do you think you'll be up to going back - or should I call you a taxi - it might take a while at this time of night though."  
  
"I think I'd rather not go back, thanks."  
  
"Okay." Spike moved off into the kitchen and returned minutes later with two mugs. He handed one to Buffy before sitting down next to her.  
  
"I was right - apparently there's not likely to be a taxi for a couple of hours, but they'll send one sooner if they can. Looks like you're stuck here, luv."  
  
"Think I can handle that." Buffy took a sip of her tea and sighed.  
  
"Did I mention how beautiful you look tonight, pet?" Spike asked.  
  
"Oh, maybe just once or twice." Buffy teased.  
  
"I mean - you all did. You, Red, Glinda." he quickly amended.  
  
"Don't forget Anya - you know how she hates to be left out," Buffy admonished playfully.  
  
"Of, of course - how could I ever forget Anya?" Spike replied in mock disbelief. Buffy chuckled and took another sip of her tea.  
  
"Why do you call her that?" she asked thoughtfully.  
  
"Call who what?"  
  
"Tara. Why do you call her Glinda?"  
  
Spike was silent for a minute, then shrugged.  
  
"Dunno really. Never thought about it much - probably 'cause she's into all that Tarot nonsense. It just seemed to fit."  
  
"Oh." She took another sip of her tea before putting it down on the table and moving closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and looked up at him through her eyelashes. "So, why don't you have a pet name for me?"  
  
"Er, what about 'pet', 'luv'."  
  
"Nope, not good enough - you call other people those," she interrupted. "You must be able to do better than that."  
  
"Goldilocks?" he tried  
  
"That's so lame! Try again."  
  
"Erm, not really being inspired here." Buffy looked up at him, a wicked smile spreading across her face as she realised that she was going to do what she'd been fantasising about ever since their last time together. She'd always held back before, but this was the last night of the year, he was leaving and there was no need for it to come to anything. This seemed the perfect chance to take what she wanted with no repercussions.  
  
"Maybe I could help inspire you." she suggested with a twinkle in her eye. Spike looked down at her.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked warily.  
  
"Well," she said coquettishly, reaching up and pulling his bowtie from round his neck, where it had been lying undone for most of the evening. "I could." she said slowly as she unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it open. "Start by doing this."  
  
Spike gasped as Buffy lean over and gently took his nipple into her mouth and sucked on it. She smiled into his skin before starting to rain kisses over his chest, moving towards the other nipple. She'd forgotten just how perfect he was and she savoured each kiss, each touch of her mouth against his alabaster skin.  
  
"Buffy." he breathed as he let his head roll back against the back of the sofa and his eyes slid shut.  
  
"Mmm, you inspired yet?" she said as she began her journey downwards.  
  
"Er, n-no, not yet." he gasped.  
  
"Well, that just won't do, will it. Guess I'll just have to try harder." Her hands came up and started to undo his belt. She looked up at him as she felt him sit up slightly to look at her.  
  
"What about your ankle?" he said.  
  
"Oh, it's feeling much better now," she grinned, raising an eyebrow at him. He frowned slightly.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, I have to admit - it was never that bad in the first place." She grinned in triumph as she undid his belt and slid it from round his waist before tossing it to the floor. Her hands quickly returned to him and started work on the button and zip. Spike put one of his hands on top of hers, stilling them.  
  
"Then why did you say it was?"  
  
"Silly man - why do you think?" she asked coyly, shaking his hand off and deftly unzipping him. She reached a hand inside and he gasped again, losing all coherent thought for a minute.  
  
He shook his head, trying to grab hold of his thoughts. He stopped her hand again.  
  
"So, all of this was to get me alone and away for your friends?"  
  
"Of course. I'm not going to see you again for the rest of the summer. Thought we could have some.fun.before we had to go," she teased.  
  
"So, you thought that you could just get me back here and have your wicked way with me?" he asked. Buffy caught the un-amused tone in his voice and frowned.  
  
"I thought this was what you wanted," she said.  
  
Spike sighed and stood up, walking to the other side of the room to pour himself a drink.  
  
"This isn't what I want. I mean, the only reason you're here at all is because your friends don't know you're here."  
  
"They do - they know I'm with you." she protested.  
  
"Yes! Yes, they know you're with me, but they don't know you're with me," he gestured to his bare chest and unzipped trousers. "Look, Buffy, this isn't the way I want this to be. If I can't have all of you, then I." he took a mouthful of his drink and turned away from her. He heard her stand up and walk towards him.  
  
"You don't mean that, Spike. I know you want me." her hands slid round his waist from behind and ran along the length of his body, before finally settling below his waist. "I can feel that you want me, and I want you too. What's wrong with that? It doesn't need to be anything more, does it?"  
  
Spike felt his breathing quicken at her touch and fought to maintain control. It was a losing battle as her hands moved and he relaxed under her touch as his eyes drifted closed.  
  
"That's cheating." he panted.  
  
He was brought back to reality by the sound of the horn outside. He took a deep breath and pulled away from her, turning to face her.  
  
"Luv, that's your taxi." he said, taking a step away from her. She stepped back up to him and tried to put her arms round his shoulders to pull him back to her.  
  
"Who cares, I'm not in a hurry to go anywhere."  
  
He pulled back out of her embrace and looked at her seriously.  
  
"I care. This is a bad idea. You need to go." He indicated the door, eyebrow raised. She shot him a dirty glare and walked out, ankle troubling her not at all.  
  
Spike moaned and rolled over as the shrill ring of the telephone woke him from his sleep. After Buffy had left, he'd returned to the ball and spent the rest of the night steadily drinking himself into a stupor, asking himself time and again why the hell he'd turned her down.  
  
Am I really that stupid? For Christ's sake - I've been dreaming about shagging the girl again ever since the first time and then, when it's handed to me on a plate, I go and turn it down. I'm a bloke - I'm meant to live for casual sex. It's meant to be me that's commitment-phobic, not her. It's just not meant to work like this. The thread of thought continued for most of the night until he'd stumbled into bed and into sleep.  
  
And now the phone was ringing.  
  
Who in hell rings at. he looked at the clock, 11 o'clock in the morning. He frowned as a little voice in the back of his head reminded him that that wasn't really that unreasonable. But the little voice was the part of him that wasn't anticipating the hangover that was guaranteed to pay a visit any minute now.  
  
"Hello!" he snapped into the receiver.  
  
"Um, hi. Spike?" Buffy's voice rang out nervously from the other end. "Did I wake you?"  
  
"Yeah, actually, you did."  
  
"Sorry," she took an audible breath and Spike waited to hear what was coming next. "I wanted to apologise for last night. I shouldn't have, I was, it was." she struggled to find the words. Spike decided to put her out of her misery.  
  
"Forget it pet. Never happened."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"That's okay."  
  
"Look, I'm gonna have to go - we're at the airport and Willow's coming."  
  
"And we can't have her knowing that you're phoning me now, can we?" Spike asked, unable to keep the hint of sarcasm out of his tone. Buffy missed it completely.  
  
"Exactly. So, I'll see you next year?" she asked hurriedly.  
  
"Yeah, whatever - next year."  
  
"Have a great summer, Spike."  
  
"See ya." He hung up the phone and sighed.  
  
So, that's how it's going to be then, is it? he thought. I can have her, but only if I don't want too much. Fine, well, if that's the way it's gonna be, then that's the way it is. No strings attached. I can cope with that. 


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter 24  
  
"Bollocks!" Spike swore as his key missed the lock again. He'd been working late and now he could hear the phone ringing inside his flat, but the door seemed determined to stay shut. He finally managed to insert the key and he wrenched the door open before throwing his bag down and launching himself into a running dive, landing on the sofa and picking up the phone at the same time.  
  
"'Lo?" he asked breathlessly. His answer was a spurt of giggles from the other end of the line.  
  
"Did I interrupt something?" Buffy laughed. Spike frowned at her comment and then his eyes widened as he realised what she was insinuating.  
  
"No. Hate to break it to you luv – I know how much you like to fantasise about me 'n' all – but I'm breathless 'cause I've just rushed in through the door to pick up the phone, so get your mind out of the gutter." Buffy just laughed and Spike decided to try another tack: he changed the subject. "So, how long have you been back then?"  
  
"Oh, about two weeks," Buffy said casually.  
  
"Two weeks?" Spike tried to hide the disappointment in his voice. Two weeks – she'd been back in the country for two whole weeks and she hadn't even rung to tell him. His heart sank as he realised that she was obviously coping very well without him.  
  
At the other end of the line, Buffy was hoping that he would accept her casual tone without too many questions. It had been a test for herself to prove that she could live without him.  
  
She'd done a lot of thinking over the summer and eventually decided that the whole thing that had been going on with Spike was actually just a rebound reaction to breaking up with Riley. She just couldn't see how it could be anything else – Spike just wasn't really her type. Her type was, well, 'not-Spike'. So she'd decided that, when she returned to England, she would prove how much she could do without him by not calling him for a set period of time.  
  
She'd managed two weeks. There was only one problem.  
  
The period she'd set for herself had been a month.  
  
"So, how's Manchester?" she heard Spike ask her.  
  
"What? Oh, oh, fine I guess..." she said without feeling.  
  
"You don't sound too convinced about that one, pet."  
  
"It's just really weird - how things can be so different, but so the same. Does that make any sense?"  
  
"Possibly - what exactly do you mean?" Spike sounded a little unsure, so Buffy decided to elaborate.  
  
"Well, you already know that we're still in the same apartment as last year. Oz has moved out and Tara's moved into his room instead." She paused. "Well, I say that she's moved in to Oz's room in as much as all her stuff is in there, but in reality she's moved into Willow's room - Oz's old bed is more of a spare now."  
  
"Talking of Oz, what's he doing now? Last I heard of him he was thinking about looking for a job, but he seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. He hasn't answered any of the emails that I sent him over the summer." Spike asked.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Well, according to Willow, he decided that the whole 'work' thing wasn't for him at the moment. Apparently, he decided he needed to 'find himself' and has disappeared off round the world. He's promised to write, send us postcards and stuff, but..."  
  
"Yeah, it's Oz, so none of us'll hear a peep from him until one day, totally out of the blue, he'll appear on one of our doorsteps and pick up his life as if he's never been away, right?" Spike joked.  
  
"Exactly!" Buffy laughed in reply.  
  
"What about the other pair then? They still together?"  
  
"Xander and Anya? Yes, unbelievably, they're still together and going strong. I mean, Willow and I had a little side bet that they'd kill each other in the first few weeks, but, strangely, they seem to be doing all right. I think it might be serious. I mean, really serious."  
  
"God. Never saw that one coming, but each to their own – good luck to them I guess." Buffy could almost imagine the shrug that Spike gave with this comment and smiled quietly into the phone as she pictured him. "So, how's you then?"  
  
"What?" she asked, shaking the image out of her mind and concentrating on what Spike was saying to her.  
  
"How's you?" he repeated. "Final year 'n' all - how's it going?" Buffy sighed.  
  
"Hard work. I only started two weeks ago and already they're piling on the work! I have two books to read for next week's seminars and an assignment due in two weeks. I mean, if this is what it's like at the beginning of October, I just can't imagine what it'll be like come March!" She scowled into the phone, not caring that he couldn't see her face. "I've decided that I don't want to do it. It's just not worth it!" she declared.  
  
"You don't mean that and we both know it. Trust me - it'll be over before you realise. Just take some advice and don't fall behind or you'll never get back on top of it." Spike told her patiently.  
  
"Ooh. Now that you mention it - tell me, tell me - how did you do?" Buffy asked excitedly as she remembered that Spike had now graduated.  
  
"Got a 2:1 in the end. Not bad, especially considering the work, or lack of it, I put in!" he declared proudly.  
  
"Ah, that's great - I'm so pleased for you. So, you're now Mr William Giles with letters after your name." She paused for a minute in thought. "What letters do you have now?"  
  
"BSc (Hons)," he helpfully supplied.  
  
"So, Mr William Giles BSc (Hons). Very posh."  
  
"Yeah, whatever, but it doesn't mean you can go around calling me some poncy name like 'William' - the only people who call me that are my parents."  
  
"I wouldn't dream of it - Willie!" she laughed.  
  
"Oi!" he said, pretending to get annoyed. Buffy just laughed harder.  
  
"You know, it's just so easy to wind you up! Has to be one of my favourite things to do!" She giggled as she could hear Spike sulking down the phone line. "Anyway, how's life as a working man?"  
  
"Fine," he said, obviously still in a funk.  
  
"Spike, don't be like that. Stop moping and talk to me. How's work?"  
  
"I'm really enjoying it actually," he said, coming out of his bad mood and back to his normal self. "More than I thought I would."  
  
"What do you do again?" Buffy asked - he'd told her before in one of the many emails they'd traded over the summer, but she'd forgotten.  
  
"Okay, I'm going to start off vague and you tell me when I'm getting too complicated for you. I work with computers," he started.  
  
"Okay, that's all I need to know!" she stopped him quickly.  
  
"You're joking, right?" he asked incredulously.  
  
"Nope. I know enough about computers to know where the 'ON' button is, how to operate Word to do my essays and how to send emails and do internet stuff, but that's all I know and probably all I'll ever know and so, if you tell me anymore, it'll be all 'nod and smile' and I won't be any the wiser at the end of it."  
  
"That's awful! How can you..." Spike was lost for words.  
  
"Let me put it another way - are you able to tell me all about the intricacies of social etiquette in Jane Austen novels?"  
  
"Never read any of them."  
  
"Right - so that's me and computers then."  
  
"But, what if something goes wrong? There's not much call for errors in Jane Austen novels."  
  
"If something goes wrong with my computer?" she smiled sweetly into the receiver and put on her most seductive voice. "Why, then I'll just call you to come over and fix it for me, won't I?"  
  
"And you expect that I'll just come a running eh, pet?"  
  
"Of course you will," she said confidently and Spike decided that, that being the truth, he really didn't have a comeback.  
  
"So, when you coming to visit me then?" he asked instead.  
  
"Dunno."  
  
"What you doing this weekend?"  
  
"Spike, it's 10pm on Friday night."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So, I think my weekend might already be planned..." Buffy argued, hoping that he won't notice that it was Friday night, and she wasn't out but in, talking to him. She didn't have anything planned for the weekend, but he didn't need to know that.  
  
"...Which is why you're in talking to me instead of out partying with y'mates..."  
  
Damn! He noticed! she thought to herself.  
  
"Come round," he asked again.  
  
She took a deep breath. She couldn't go round – she was trying to prove to herself that he meant nothing to her, something that was hard enough without having to see him face to face. He was the rebound guy and a relationship with the rebound guy could lead to nothing but heartache. It wasn't worth getting into.  
  
"No."  
  
"Please."  
  
"I have too much work – final year, remember? I have books to read and essays to write."  
  
"So, bring the books with you..."  
  
"No."  
  
Spike sighed. She obviously wasn't going to come over and he was starting to sound desperate and that wasn't good for the image. He laughed to himself – not that he had an image when it came to her. Everyone else fell for the 'big bad' thing, with the leather and the black clothes. She'd looked at him for the first time and immediately seen through it, she saw him. It'd left him feeling quite vulnerable at first – which is where most of their 'arguments' had stemmed from. She always managed to get him on the defensive, which lead to almost continual verbal sparring between them. Still, he'd got used to it, and now it was nice not to have to keep up the act he put on around everybody else, nice just to be able to relax, let go and be himself.  
  
"So, where's everyone else then, pet?" he asked, deciding to change the subject.  
  
"Willow and Tara have gone out for the evening and Xander and Anya, well, I haven't seen them around all day, so I s'pose they must be out too – they're definitely not here anyway. It's strange; I'm suddenly the single girl living with two couples. They're always in pairs. I guess that's what I was like with Riley last year." She sighed.  
  
"You sound a bit off about that, luv."  
  
"Not really, it's just an odd thought. Never really gave much thought to how I was like as one half of a couple before. Now I seem to be on the outside looking in."  
  
"Yeah, know what you mean. Anyway, girl like you doesn't stay single for long – would have thought you'd be back out on the pull by now," he remarked, trying to distance himself from the fact that he'd like to be the one to stop her being single.  
  
"Not really looking at the moment – am being happily single," she said, trying to sound cheery.  
  
"Which is the reason that you're home all alone then is it?" he asked with a smirk.  
  
"I can hear that smirk you know!"  
  
"Bollocks! It's down a phone line – you can't see my face!"  
  
"I guess I just know you too well!"  
  
"Whatever. So, you're home all alone then are you?" Spike asked, lowering his voice to a slow drawl.  
  
"Yes..." she responded, frowning slightly and wondering what he was getting at.  
  
"What you wearing?" he asked teasingly.  
  
"My yummy sushi pyjamas," she answered, humour filling her voice as she began to realise what he wanted - and how disappointed he was going to be.  
  
"What do they look like?" he said, smiling into the phone, thinking that he'd got her playing along.  
  
"Well..." she said in her sexiest voice.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"They're white..." she continued.  
  
"Go on..." he said, obviously interested.  
  
"Made of thick cotton, long pants and an over-sized shirt with a sushi pattern on," she said matter-of-factly, bringing Spike smartly out of his fantasy.  
  
"Oh," he said, not even trying to contain his disappointment – he'd thought that he was on to a winner.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Couldn't you be wearing something sexier?" he sulked.  
  
"What, like a black lace negligee, laced up the front, a little small so that my ripe, firm breasts seem to spill out of the low cut top?" she asked, returning to her previous sexy drawl.  
  
"Oh, God, yes!" Spike breathed.  
  
"Sorry, no."  
  
"Please?" he practically begged.  
  
"No – we are so not going there."  
  
"Why not?" Buffy had to laugh at his tone – he sounded like a little boy.  
  
"Drop it Spike," she warned, laughingly.  
  
"But you're all alone in that big flat..." Spike said in his most persuasive tone.  
  
"With housemates that could come back at any time" Buffy argued.  
  
"So..." he persisted, encouraged by the fact that she'd resorted to excuses rather than flat out refusing him.  
  
"So, I don't want to be caught in a compromising position in the middle of our living room by the people I have to live with."  
  
"So, go to your room..." he wheedled.  
  
"Right. So, when Xander gets home he can pick up the other handset and have a heart attack when he hears us heavy breathing down the line at each other. I really don't think so."  
  
"You're no fun – you know that'd never happen."  
  
"It could so..."  
  
"So, you're not saying 'no' to the whole idea, just 'not here'?" Spike asked.  
  
Buffy sat there silently for a minute as she realised that that was exactly what she was saying. They'd been dancing round the subject all night, but she knew that he knew that she wanted him.  
  
He's just the rebound guy, remember. And you know better than to get involved with the rebound guy – that way leads to pain and heartbreak. It'd never work, Spike and I and sex – great. Spike and I in a relationship – never work, she told herself firmly. She took a deep breath.  
  
"We're not having this conversation, Spike."  
  
"What? Yes we are!" He wouldn't let the subject drop. He had her and he knew it – he could hear it in the way that her breathing had been quick and uneven ever since the conversation had turned from heavy flirting into definite possibility.  
  
He could almost sense her indecision and could imagine her chewing at her bottom lip as she tried to decide whether to give into him or not.  
  
"Come round," he proposed invitingly once more. This time he smiled as his request was not immediately denied.  
  
"What? Now?" he heard her ask him breathlessly.  
  
"Yes, now."  
  
"I can't..." she began reluctantly.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It's late."  
  
"Tomorrow morning then?" he asked, trying to sound reasonable, but in reality desperate to see her again now that there seemed a chance she might capitulate. The other end of the line was silent and he smiled, as he knew she was giving it some serious thought.  
  
"I'll think about it," he finally heard her quietly promise. "But I have to go now. Bye."  
  
At the other end of the line, Buffy hung up before he had a chance to answer and sat there for a moment, wondering what had just happened.  
  
Was I really just about to have phone-sex with Spike? What was I thinking? I don't do that, I'd never, not even, well. Her thoughts ground to a halt before starting up again. In all the time I was with Riley, all that time miles apart, we never even thought about it. We wouldn't. But, God, Spike made it sound so tempting.  
  
She chewed nervously at her bottom lip as she thought about the whole conversation, about Spike, about all the reasons she should just cut him off and forget about him – get on with the rest of her life.  
  
I'm not going to get involved. I don't want a relationship, and definitely not one with him, she told herself again, firmly.  
  
Who said anything about a relationship? the little voice in the back of her head piped up. He certainly didn't...  
  
Buffy slumped back against the sofa. She wasn't going to think about this any more. She was going to watch some trashy show on TV and then organise her weekend with the others when they got in. She looked at her watch – 10:30. They shouldn't be long now.  
  
A/N – Okay, so some of you might be wondering what the hell a 2:1 degree is. I think that the US equivalent is about a 3.0 GPA, but that probably  
makes more sense to some of you than it does to me! 


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter 25  
  
"Shh!" Willow giggled to Tara as she opened the front door, the stage whisper she used came out almost louder than if she'd spoken normally. "We have to be quiet – Buffy's probably in bed asleep by now." Tara looked at her watch, which showed the time to be just after midnight and nodded emphatically to her girlfriend before pointing down the stairs.  
  
"I need a drink of water, are you coming?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
The two girls tried to tiptoe down the stairs to the living room rather unsuccessfully, Which could have something to do with the two, no three, bottles of wine we've drunk tonight, Willow reflected before tripping down the final step and falling into the living room.  
  
Buffy looked up from the book she had been reading, slightly startled by the sudden appearance of a somewhat inebriated Willow. The redhead smiled sheepishly and picked herself up off the floor as Tara entered the room somewhat more gracefully.  
  
"Hiya Buffy! You have a nice night?" Tara asked her.  
  
"Oh, you know. Watched a bit of TV, read some." She indicated the book she was holding, trying not to blush. For some reason she didn't want to mention her talk with Spike. Even though nothing had actually happened, the mere thought of their conversation seemed to be able to set her face ablaze. "You?" she asked nonchalantly, trying to deflect attention away from her.  
  
"We had a great time!" Tara enthused. "Might have drunk a little too much though..." she trailed off.  
  
"Glad you had a good time. Ooh – I was wondering if you two wanted to go on a shopping spree tomorrow?" Buffy asked eagerly – determined to have something to do this weekend. Willow and Tara glanced at each other awkwardly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy. We kind of have plans..." Willow told her friend, tone tinged with regret. Buffy tried to hide her disappointment.  
  
"That's okay. No big," she said with a smile. "Maybe Xander wants to do something..."  
  
"Don't you know?" Willow asked, slightly surprised.  
  
"Know what? There was something that I was s'posed to know?" Buffy asked quickly, wondering if she'd been told and had forgotten.  
  
"Xander took Anya away for the weekend. He didn't actually say as much, but I think he might be going to propose to her!" Willow declared excitedly.  
  
Buffy pouted. "Now that is something I would have remembered. Which can only lead me to the conclusion that nobody told me. Okay, it's official – I am the only one round here with no life!" She stood up and walked across the room. "That's it, I've had enough. I'm going," she declared as she flounced up the stairs. The two other girls followed her into her bedroom.  
  
"Buffy, it's after midnight. Where exactly are you intending to go?" Willow asked as she watched her friend pull random clothes out of her wardrobe and stuff them haphazardly into the bag she'd pulled from under the bed.  
  
"Leeds," Buffy said simply as she zipped up the bag.  
  
"You're going to see Spike? Do you even know where he lives?" Willow couldn't believe that her friend was actually going to leave in the middle of the night to drive somewhere she'd never been before.  
  
"I have his address," Buffy thought for a second. "And I have to use your computer to download the directions. It'll only take a minute and then I'll be going." She marched purposefully towards Willow's room, the two astonished girls in tow.  
  
"Does he know you're coming?" Tara asked.  
  
"No. So I guess it'll be a nice surprise for him, won't it?" Buffy decided as she pressed print.  
  
"So, let me get this straight, you're going to leave Manchester in the middle of the night and drive through the dark some 100-odd miles..." Willow began. Buffy looked at her piece of paper.  
  
"Actually, according to this, it's only 57 miles..."  
  
"Some 57 miles," Willow amended. "To a house you've never been to, to spend the weekend with a guy who doesn't even know that you're coming?" Willow's tone was incredulous now, but her whole speech had been said as she followed Buffy to the front door of the flat.  
  
"That's about the size of it," Buffy said with a smile as she walked out of the door and closed it behind her.  
  
Buffy pulled over to the side of the road and switched on the overhead light as she peered at what now seemed like a fairly flimsy bit of white paper.  
  
She hadn't really let herself think about what she was doing when she left the flat in Manchester almost an hour ago. She'd been pissed off that she suddenly seemed to be out of the loop – her so-called friends seemed to be completely wrapped up in their own lives and relationships and Buffy suddenly felt left behind. She'd just had to get out of there and Spike had been the first person she'd thought of.  
  
After all, he had been practically begging me to visit him.  
  
But now, it didn't seem like such a great plan after all. It was past 1am, the streets were dark and deserted and she had no idea where she was. Spike was bound to be in bed asleep and Buffy didn't want to contemplate what she would do if she couldn't wake him when she finally arrived at him flat.  
  
She peered again at the map and at the streets around her as she tried to get her bearings. These damned English streets are so confusing – the directions just don't make sense she declared, not for the first time.  
  
Finally she managed to work out where she was and pulled off again, satisfied that she was going in the right direction.  
  
It was a very tired Buffy that pulled up outside Spike's flat half an hour later. She dragged herself out of the car, picking up her bag as she locked it, and walked towards the front door, double checking the address as she did so – she had no great wish to wake up some complete stranger in the middle of the night.  
  
She took a deep breath and then lifted a fist to knock on the door.  
  
There was no answer.  
  
She bit her lip nervously as she wondered if he was in.  
  
Of course he's in, stupid – you spoke to him less than three hours ago. What kind of a person goes out at 11 o'clock at night?  
  
She decided not to answer that one.  
  
Buffy knocked again, louder this time and stood nervously on the doorstep, contemplating the thought of the possible drive home.  
  
She was pulled out of her despair by the sound of footsteps at the other side of the door and she smiled when she heard the familiar grumble.  
  
"What the bloody hell? Do you even know what bloody time it is?"  
  
Spike wrenched open the door and stopped his tirade mid-flow as he stared at the petite figure on his doorstep. His mouth dropped open and his eyes grew wide as he searched for something to say.  
  
"My, my. We are grumpy tonight, aren't we?" Buffy said teasingly as she pushed past him and into his flat. He yielded to her without a word. "I said that I'd think about it. Well, I did – and here I am. Aren't you pleased to see me?" 


	27. Chapter 26

Chapter 26  
  
"Really, you look surprised to see me!" Buffy declared in a disbelieving tone, trying not to laugh as Spike stood at the door, gawping at her, completely speechless. She watched, amused, as he visibly managed to school himself into some semblance of his normal persona.  
  
"Summers," he smirked. "Just couldn't stay away from me, eh?"  
  
"You wish!" she snorted derogatively before turning and walking further into the flat. Spike closed the door before following her.  
  
He knew that she wasn't here because he'd asked her; at least, that wasn't the only reason. He'd thought about it a lot over the summer and now his eyes were clear. He didn't kid himself that this - Whatever this is he thought – was about him. This wasn't about him at all. This was entirely about her.  
  
"So, why are you here?" he asked her as he caught up with her in the living room. She was standing by one of the bookshelves he had put up on the far side of the room, scanning the titles there. She ran a finger along the spines of the books on the shelf refusing to look at him.  
  
"Had nothing better to do," she said, casually.  
  
He caught her wrist and pinned her up against the wall. This might be her game, but that doesn't mean I can't change the rules a little, he thought to himself as he pressed his body against hers until she raised her gaze to met his.  
  
"Is that right?" he asked slowly, enunciating each word as though he were savouring it, never dropping his gaze from hers.  
  
Buffy swallowed unconsciously as she was held in place both physically, by his body pressed hard against hers, and also by the intensity of his blue eyes. Her pupils dilated and she licked her lips as her breathing quickened. Spike noticed the change and smiled at her.  
  
"Oh, yeah – you're definitely only here because you had nothing better to do!" he laughed sarcastically, before suddenly releasing her and turning away. "Well, since that's the case, the couch is there – I'll get you some spare blankets," he called over his shoulder as he walked out of the room.  
  
Buffy frowned as she found herself suddenly alone. Things weren't exactly progressing the way she'd expected them to.  
  
Spike walked back into the room carrying a single blanket he'd hastily dragged from the back of his wardrobe. He stifled a smile at the confused look on the girl's face. He walked over to the couch and started to lay out the blanket.  
  
"Something the matter, pet?" he asked, turning to look at her over his shoulder. She just stared at him. He leisurely finished making up the couch before strolling over to her, making sure to take his time.  
  
"Oh! I get it!" he announced as he reached her, as if the thought had only just occurred to him. "You didn't realise I didn't have a spare bed? Not used to having to sleep on the sofa, right luv?" he said with a smile.  
  
"No. I didn't think I'd be sleeping on the sofa..." she agreed thoughtfully, trying to hint at more. She wasn't sure what was going on here – their phone call earlier had suggested so much more – but here she was, preparing for a night on the sofa. Spike decided to ignore the obviously leading tone of her voice – this was far too much fun.  
  
"No?" He asked, letting a hint of desire drip into his tone. Buffy caught it and smiled slightly, suddenly catching onto the game he was playing. She took a step closer and looked at him through hooded eyes.  
  
"No. It just looks sooo uncomfortable. And I always get this little crick in my neck. Just. About. Here." As she spoke she ran a delicate, perfectly manicured finger down the side of her neck, before letting it trace down and round into the curve of her throat. Unable to help himself, Spike's eyes followed the single digit and his mouth suddenly went very dry.  
  
"Oh," he croaked and moistened his mouth before he went on. "Well, we can't have that then, can we?"  
  
"No, we can't, can we?" she purred as she closed the small distance between them so that they were standing facing each other, a mere hairsbreadth apart. She looked at him, an expression of pure lust on her face and Spike wondered if he could take this little game any further or whether he should just give up and give into her right now – it would be so easy.  
  
But then, when was I ever one to chose the easy path? he asked himself wryly.  
  
"Well, I could always take the sofa instead, pet..." he started.  
  
"Shut up, Spike," Buffy told him firmly before reaching up and pulling him down into a passionate kiss. Spike just nodded fervently as he returned it, grasping her round the waist and pulling her body flush against his.  
  
Her fingers found their way into his hair and she played with the platinum blonde locks, as her mind was lost to pure sensation. All she had left behind – her friends with their seemingly perfect lives, her newfound loneliness – none of it mattered here, in his arms. All of it melted away until all that was left was the moment.  
  
They broke the kiss, both breathing heavily and for a moment they stood there, wrapped in each other's embrace, just looking at each other. No words were said, but a silent agreement seemed to pass between them that the subject of what this was would never come up between them. The agreement was sealed when Spike leaned in to kiss her passionately once more.  
  
She returned the kiss as her hands slipped under the back of his shirt to touch the skin there. He groaned into her mouth as her fingers brushed lightly over the skin at the base of his spine.  
  
"God, Buffy!" he moaned as she began to lightly run her fingers up and down the length of his back, teasing and tickling the skin with feather light touches until he could stand it no longer. She shrieked with surprise as he swiftly moved and flipped her tiny figure up into his arms.  
  
"Spike! What the hell do you think you're doing!" she squealed as he walked across the room. "Put me down! Where are we going?"  
  
"I'm taking you to bed, pet. Where do you think we're going?" he said as he walked into another room.  
  
The room was decorated in earth tones, the walls a rich shade of cream, complimented by a tan-coloured carpet on the floor and rich chocolate tones in the bedspread and curtains. Tasteful black and white framed prints completed the fairly minimalist decoration of the large bedroom.  
  
All of this was lost on Buffy and she was carried shrieking and laughing over to the king-sized bed, where she was unceremoniously dumped.  
  
She lay on the bed for a minute or two, watching the man who stood over her at the edge of the bed as she caught her breath. Then she looked up at him, a playful smile ghosting across her full lips.  
  
"So," she purred softly. "Now you've whisked me away to your bed, what do you plan on doing with me?" Spike smiled and pounced, landing on top of her, weight supported by his arms, which were positioned at either side of her head. He leaned in until his nose was almost touching hers and smiled.  
  
"Keep you here, of course," he said with a raise of one eyebrow before leaning in to capture her mouth in another searing kiss. Buffy smiled to herself as she returned it, Now this is more how I expected it to go. 


	28. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven  
  
Buffy opened her eyes lazily, blinking in the morning light. She smiled and rolled over, reaching for the warm body that should have been occupying the rest of the large bed. She frowned and forced herself properly awake as she realised that she was alone.  
  
She looked up, scanned the room for some sign of her erstwhile bedmate, but he wasn't there.  
  
Where the hell has the guy got to? she wondered to herself as she swung round to sit on the edge of the bed, looking for something to wear, eyes finally alighting on a shirt that had been casually thrown over the back of a chair. She slipped it on and padded out of the room in search of Spike.  
  
Following the sounds emanating from the kitchen she soon found the object of her little hunt. He stood with his back towards her, clad in only a pair of worn black jeans. She stood silently in the doorway, eyeing appreciatively the way the muscles in his back moved as he busied himself at whatever it was that he was doing. She smiled to herself as her gaze drifted lower and she raised an eyebrow as she took in how well the jeans framed his rather splendid arse.  
  
She was lost in contemplation when the object of her admiration seemed to sense her presence and turned to face her. Recognising the expression on her face, he smiled.  
  
"Like what you see, pet?" he asked with a grin, running on of his hands over his chest and down across his toned abs.  
  
"Oh, that's a very definite yes," Buffy breathed, gaze following the movement of his hand. She walked slowly across the room, eyes travelling upwards until they locked on his. "You left me," she stated matter-of- factly as she came to a halt directly in front of him.  
  
"You were fast asleep. Guess I tired you out last night, pet," he smirked.  
  
"Guess you did," she smiled, moistening her lips at the thought of the previous night's 'activities'.  
  
His eyes left her face and travelled down her body, taking in the shirt that hung off her slight frame.  
  
"Hey, is that one of my shirts you're wearing?" he asked, surprised. Buffy took a step back and held her arms out to the sides before turning round slowly.  
  
"Yep - you like?"  
  
"As much as I hate to admit it luv, it looks better on you than it does on me."  
  
"Why, of course it does," she purred with a teasing smile, eyes sparking with humour. Spike laughed and pulled her towards him, encircling her petite frame with his arms.  
  
"But it just won't do," he sighed regretfully. Buffy looked up at him.  
  
"Oh, and why's that?" she asked curiously.  
  
"Because, pet, I have plans for today."  
  
"That have anything to do with not letting me out of your bed?" she asked, playfully.  
  
"As tempting a suggestion as that might be, luv, it wasn't what I had in mind."  
  
"Oh." Buffy's face dropped a little and she frowned up at him for a second before a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes. "You sure about that?" she asked, running one hand over his arse and squeezing it through the tightly fitting denim before pulling him closer. Spike groaned in response and for a second he looked tempted, but then he visibly collected himself and pulled away from her, turning back to the counter.  
  
"Like I said, pet, I have plans for today." He turned back to face her and handed her a cup of tea before taking a seat at the kitchen table. He pulled the morning newspaper towards him and took a sip of his coffee as he started to read the headlines.  
  
Buffy looked thoughtfully into the steaming mug before leaning back against the worktop, biting her bottom lip somewhat nervously.  
  
When she didn't speak, Spike looked up from the paper. "What? You're standing there looking all forlorn. What've I said now to upset you? Is this because I won't let you drag me straight back to bed? Is that it?" He couldn't help the slight irritation which slipped into his tone, but he stopped short of a full blown rant as he saw the look of anguish which appeared on her face as she shook her head before hiding her eyes by dropping them back down to the mug she was cradling in her hands. Spike sighed and pushed the newspaper away. "What is it then?" he asked kindly.  
  
"You said you had plans," Buffy explained quietly into her mug, as if this accounted for everything. Spike looked confused.  
  
"You have a problem with that?" he asked bewilderedly.  
  
"Why did you ask me over if you had plans?" Buffy asked, raising her head to look him in the face. Spike's eyes widened and he gaped slightly as he realised what she meant, then he suddenly laughed.  
  
"Luv, I didn't mean it like that! I meant I had plans for us. I thought that we could go out for the day, that I could show you around! You didn't really think that I was going to abandon you here all day, did you? You just have to stop jumping to conclusions about me, pet!" She frowned at him for a minute, irritated, and then broke into a sheepish grin.  
  
"Yeah, I know," she agreed. "So, day out?" she suddenly asked brightly.  
  
"Yep," he answered, pulling the paper back towards him and flipping over to page three.  
  
"Where we going?"  
  
"You'll see," was the only response she got as he studied the page in front of him.  
  
"Ooh. Mysterious..."  
  
"But you'll need some sensible footwear," he expanded. "Oh, and I'm taking you out to dinner tonight, so I hope you have something nice with you."  
  
"Wasn't sure what we'd be doing this weekend," she said simply as she finished off her mug off tea and set the now empty cup down on the worktop behind her. "So I packed a bit of everything - I think I've got it covered." Spike looked up from his newspaper and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Good." He stood up and stalked over to her, predatory gleam in his eye. "Now, about you stealing my shirt," he began, pulling her body flush against his. She gasped and her breath quickened. Spike smiled as he watched her melt against him. "That was naughty of you," he admonished roguishly.  
  
"I know, it was wrong," she said, feigning contrition.  
  
"And I thought that you were a good girl..."  
  
"Oh! I was!" Buffy argued mischievously. "But then I met you. You're evil - you corrupted me!"  
  
"Oh, so this is all my fault, is it?" he laughed. Buffy nodded vehemently.  
  
"Yep - definitely your fault. I mean, if I'd never met you I wouldn't have been all naked in your bed. And then you left that shirt out..." she was cut off by a growl from the man still holding her.  
  
"Say that again," he demanded, huskily.  
  
"What? That you're a messy slob who leaves his clothes lying around his room?" she asked, biting back a laugh.  
  
"No," he rumbled. "The bit about you being naked in my bed - I liked that bit."  
  
"Oh, you did, did you?" she teased.  
  
"Yes, I did. In fact, I think I want to see that one for myself." He pulled her towards the bedroom and she followed willingly, smile lighting up her face.  
  
"But you've already seen..."  
  
"Not in the daylight I haven't," he cut her off.  
  
"What about our daytrip?" she asked laughingly as he pulled them both down onto the bed and started to unbutton the shirt.  
  
"Later," was the only response she got before he divested her of the cotton garment and lowered his mouth to her nipple.  
  
"'K," she managed to get out before his ministrations put coherent speech beyond her grasp. 


	29. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight  
  
"Not that I want to sound like a small child or anything, but - are we nearly there yet?" This last part was sing-sung in the way she remembered using when she was about five.  
  
They'd finally managed to drag themselves out of the bed later on that morning and into the car and were now driving down a road in what seemed to Buffy to be the middle of nowhere.  
  
She would be the first to quite happily admit that she had no idea where they were going and Spike was being no help at all, limiting his information to the occasional "turn right here", or words to that effect.  
  
"Yes, we're nearly there, pet," he sighed. "Take the next left." Buffy saw the turning approaching and the brown road sign which clearly stated "Brimham Rocks" in bold white lettering. She frowned.  
  
"You brought me all the way out here to look at some rocks?" she asked in astonishment.  
  
"Not just 'some rocks'. I happen to really like this place," Spike answered defensively.  
  
"But - rocks?" she asked, her tone displaying her continued uncertainty.  
  
"Hush, luv - you'll see." Spike answered confidently, directing her to drive down a narrow country lane off the main road.  
  
Buffy fell silent as she watched the scenery unfolding before her. The hills surrounding the road were covered in heather and willowherb, giving the impression that they were carpeted in a blanket of purple. But, beautiful as that sight was, it wasn't what captures Buffy's attention. She was distracted by the pillars of rock rising out of the bed of heather at irregular intervals, each between 10 and 20 feet high. Spike smiled at her sudden quiet.  
  
"There's a little car park just here, pet," he indicated quietly. Buffy just nodded and pulled over before climbing out of the car and walking to stand at the edge of the car park to look out over the valley. She felt Spike move to stand behind her and place a hand on her waist.  
  
"Stone! did the hand of sacerdotal fraud  
  
Shape thee into this vital type of things,  
  
Or did a million winters, on their wings  
  
Of scythe-like perseverance come abroad  
  
To bid conjecture stand before thee awed,  
  
And, almost severing thee from present earth,  
  
Make thee a marvel? Vainly giv'st thou birth  
  
To solemn fancies, building an abode  
  
Around thee, for a world of shapeless ghosts;  
  
Vainly they rise before me, calling up  
  
Kings and their masters, and imagined hosts,  
  
That fight for clouds. What then! The heath-flower's cup  
  
With dewdrops feeds this fountain ever dear  
  
And the winged ouzel whistles 'God is here!'"  
  
Spike whispered into her ear as they stood together. Buffy sighed as he finished his recitation and turned to look at him.  
  
"That was beautiful. And it seemed to fit."  
  
"That would be because it was written about this place," Spike explained with a smile.  
  
"Did you write it?" she asked curiously. Spike just laughed.  
  
"Me? Lord, no pet - I'm a bloody awful poet! Nah - it was written by some Yorkshire bloke - name of Ebenezer Elliot. But he wrote it about this place, actually about one particular rock. Come on, I'll show you." He grabbed her hand and pulled her forward to twist in and around the chimneys of rock, deftly avoiding the few other tourists who had braved the clear but cold autumn weather to wander their way around the valley.  
  
Eventually they came to a stop in front of a large pillar.  
  
"Okay, so what's so special about this one then?" Buffy asked sceptically.  
  
"Look at the bottom." Buffy's gaze followed where he was pointing and she raised an eyebrow as she realised that the massive stone pillar was connected to the ground by only a tiny plinth.  
  
"Why doesn't it fall over?" she asked.  
  
"Don't rightly know, luv - geology never really being my strong point - but this place has always really fascinated me. Found it a few years back when I was on a holiday with..." he suddenly tailed off and turned away. "Anyway, I like this place. Thought you might too." Buffy rested a hand on his arm and pulled him back round to face her.  
  
"I'm gonna take a guess and say holiday with Dru, right? And tell me to shut up if you want, if I'm sticking my nose in and you don't want to talk about it. And I do like this place, it's kinda cool."  
  
"I just wasn't sure if you'd like the idea of me bringing you somewhere I'd found with my ex..." he tried to explain.  
  
Buffy looked at him, surprised. "Why would that bother me?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, well, no reason, I suppose..." he amended quickly, but Buffy seemed to have moved on as she realised that some of the chimneys had narrow ledges spiralling up the side of them.  
  
"Bet you'd get a great view from the top of one of these!" she exclaimed, walking towards a nearby pillar.  
  
"Yep, best in the area."  
  
"Race you to the top!" Buffy called over her shoulder as she picked up speed round the narrow twisting 'path' to the crown of the tor. Spike swore and ran as fast as he dared after her. They both collapsed to lie on the wide, flat summit, breathing heavily.  
  
Spike rested his head back against the cold stone and watched the clouds race across an otherwise crystal blue sky. He turned his head to the side and looked at the girl lying next to him, cheeks slightly flushed from the dual effects of the cold and the exertion.  
  
"You're insane, you know that?"  
  
She turned her head to him. "It might have been mentioned in the past," she laughed, before sighing. "It's nice here - peaceful."  
  
"That's because it's bloody cold and most people aren't fool enough to be lying here on a freezing cold slab of stone in the middle of October," Spike explained cynically, standing up off the cold hard surface.  
  
"Yeah, well, it's not exactly the most comfortable resting place ever - but it does have its plus side," Buffy said as she sat up, drawing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them as she admired the view.  
  
From the vantage point that they enjoyed the valley sloped downwards, widening out into an expanse of fields, seemingly littered with sheep, so small from this distance that they appeared to be merely white dots breaking the luscious green of the pasture. The only other breaks to the verdant countryside were the dry stone walls which formed the boundaries of each field, creating a patchwork quilt effect to the whole landscape.  
  
The clouds which Spike had been watching race across the sky cast corresponding shadows over the scenery below, imbuing it with an air of instability and constant change. A solitary kestrel hovered determinedly over a single patch of ground as it tracked its otherwise invisible prey, and the calls of the tourists below them seemed to melt into the background as Buffy enjoyed the innate peace and tranquillity of her surroundings.  
  
She smiled to herself and took a deep breath as she tried to ignore the cold seeping through her jeans as she sat on the bare rock. If she could only ignore the cold she would happily spend the rest of the day here, alone with her wandering thoughts. But the chill was insistent and leached its way in through her mental barriers and she couldn't stand it any longer.  
  
She stood quickly and dusted off her jeans, sighing and looking around her. Spike watched, but said nothing, knowing instinctively that she found this place as magical as he did and that that was more powerful than words.  
  
She walked to the edge of the rock and looked down at the sheer drop. It was then that she noticed the close proximity of the next pillar and a small impish smile played across her lips. She looked round at Spike.  
  
"What?" he asked, catching her expression.  
  
"Bet I could make that," she declared confidently, indicating the gap across to the next rock.  
  
"You have to be kidding!"  
  
"No, I could so make it!"  
  
"Yeah, but it's a long way down if you don't," he argued.  
  
"So not gonna happen - I could practically step over that gap." She hopped over to the nearby surface. "See."  
  
"Oh, wow, I'm so impressed," Spike deadpanned as he spanned the gap to join her. He strolled the short distance across to the far edge of the pinnacle, measured the next gap in his mind's eye and jumped, clearing the distance with graceful ease. "No, bollocks to that. Changed me mind - not impressed at all." He smirked across at her before lying down on the rock, hands behind his head, blatantly ignoring her  
  
The wind was suddenly knocked out of him as Buffy landed on his stomach.  
  
"Bloody hell, pet - what was that for?" he exclaimed, sitting up suddenly and shoving her off him. He frowned and rubbed his stomach, before remembering that he this made him look somewhat less than manly, when he straightened up and looked at the girl who was sitting on the rock next to him, obviously very pleased with herself.  
  
"Well, you seemed to be implying that I'd never be able to make that gap. So I took a bit of a run up," she explained innocently. Spike frowned and shook his head.  
  
"That's not fair and you know it. Fine, so you could make the gap. It was hardly an effort now, luv, was it?"  
  
"What, you mean like this one would be?" she asked, walking to the edge of the rock and looking down.  
  
This chimney dropped straight down, some fifteen feet, she estimated. There were no outcrops and nothing to break a fall if she didn't reach the other side - and that was a good few feet away. This one was no little playful hop, but she was sure that she could reach the other side. Spike joined her, looking down.  
  
"I could make that, easy. Not so sure about you though, pet. Such little legs 'n' all," he taunted, suddenly full of male bravado. No way I'm gonna be out down by some pint-sized...  
  
"Go on then, prove it." He was pulled out of his thoughts by Buffy's challenge. He looked at her and she smiled sweetly back at him. There was no way out of this one. He looked once more back at the drop and over at the other rock before swallowing.  
  
It's not that I couldn't do it, of course I can. Well, maybe I'm a little nervous. It's a long way down if I miss, after all. But no bloody way I'd admit that to her. Never let me forget it she wouldn't. Life wouldn't be worth livin'. So got ta do it. Bloody bint... He took a deep breath and, once he was sure that she wasn't watching his face, shut his eyes before launching himself into the void that was the gap between the two pillars.  
  
He staggered slightly as he felt the hard ground beneath his feet, before opening his eyes and breathing a sigh of relief as he realised that he had reached the next pillar. He quickly gathered himself before spinning round to face her and giving a cocky bow.  
  
"No sweat," he declared, pursing his lips and raising an eyebrow at her. Buffy looked at him, feeling the annoyance rising in the back of her throat at his conceited mannerisms.  
  
No way. Absolutely no way that he's gonna win this one. I might be a bit nervous, but no way I'd admit that to him. He'd never let me forget it. Arrogant little... she looked down quickly and tried to forget about the shear drop before taking a step backwards and propelling herself out into the breach. She watched, almost in slow motion, as the far side came racing towards her. Gonna make it, I'm gonna make it - no problem, knew I would.  
  
At the far side, Spike watched as she jumped and his eyes bugged slightly as he instantly realised that she was going to fall short. He watched as she rose into the air, legs stretched towards him. And he watched as she started to fall. He felt as if his heart was in his mouth and he took a step towards her, a step towards the edge, all the time trying to will his body to move fast enough to reach her.  
  
She felt a foot hit the far side and smiled as her other foot joined it. She had made it and she felt the elation race through her body. But, almost at the same instant, she felt herself lose balance.  
  
She thrust her arms out to try and regain her stability, but she suddenly realised that she hadn't made it. She had reached the edge, but that wasn't enough. She was going to fall and there was nothing she could do to stop it.  
  
She closed her eyes against her sudden realisation and awaited the inevitable.  
  
Her eyes flew open as she felt the hand grab her arm and she looked up into Spike's cerulean eyes as her pulled her away from the precipice into his arms.  
  
"It's okay, Spike's got you, there's nothing to worry about. It's okay," he whispered over and over again as he held her close to him, stroking her hair to sooth her.  
  
She stiffened slightly at first that he could speak so patronisingly to her, but then the realisation and shock of how close she had actually come to falling hit her, hard, and she sagged against him, hands clutching at the material of his shirt as she buried her face into his shoulder.  
  
He held her closely for a few minutes, then drew her back and held her at arms length so that he could look her in the eye.  
  
"You all right?" he asked, concern evident in his tone.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," she answered, uncertainly.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be okay. Just a bit of a shock, that's all."  
  
"Come, on. I really think that's enough excitement for now, let's go." He led her towards the path leading off the rock they were on. "Anyway, I dunno 'bout you, but I'm bloody freezing."  
  
Buffy laughed shakily and smiled and they made their way back to the car. 


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty - Nine  
  
"You ready? The taxi's here..." Spike called from the living room. Buffy appeared at the bedroom door with a smile.  
  
"Of course I'm ready - why wouldn't I be?" she asked sweetly, twirling a lock of her long blonde hair round a finger in an ultra-sweet manner and smiling coyly. Spike's jaw dropped as he took in the vision standing before him. No matter how long he knew her, she would never stop astounding him with how beautiful she was, and tonight was no exception.  
  
After the shock of earlier, the two had returned home and spent a few hours lying on the sofa watching lame Saturday afternoon programming and trying not to think about anything too hard. The treatment seemed to have worked and Buffy had calmed down quickly and declared that her 'scare' had been 'one of those things' and that she was 'over it'. Spike hadn't been convinced at first, his natural over-protective instinct kicking in, but she'd drawn the line when he'd tried to provide an ice-pack for the back of her neck and he'd wisely decided to let the subject drop.  
  
And she certainly looked as if she was over it. The short, black dress she was wearing followed the line of her petite body perfectly, emphasising her curves in a way Spike could fully appreciate. The square-cut neckline revealed a tantalising amount of cleavage, still surprisingly tanned despite the months spent in a colder and definitely less sunny climate.  
  
Spike's gaze wandered down her form to where the dress ended at mid-thigh revealing her toned and perfect legs. He swallowed and wrenched his stare back up to her face.  
  
She smiled and tossed her long golden locks over her shoulder. "Do I look all right?" she asked in that tome that girls use when they know they look great, but just want to make a guy say it. She smiled knowingly at him.  
  
"Y-you look..." he trailed off and gathered himself. "S'pose you look all right," he ended nonchalantly, before breaking into a grin when her face fell. "Come on, pet - you know you're stunning. You don't need me to tell you that. Anyway, taxi's waiting, we'll be late." He indicated the door and she flounced past him and into the waiting taxi, pretending to be mad at him.  
  
The pretence didn't last long as she caught him trying to hold back the laughter and soon they were both seated in the back of the taxi, giggling at each other.  
  
Spike gave the taxi driver the address of the restaurant and they both settled down as the taxi pulled off.  
  
Spike stared out of the window and watched the dark streets pass by. He jumped slightly as he felt Buffy's warm breath on the back of his neck. He turned his head to see that she had scooted up against him, her head resting on his shoulder.  
  
"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked coyly.  
  
"Of course you can, pet."  
  
"You promise not to tell anyone...?"  
  
"Promise."  
  
She bit her lip and lowered her gaze for a moment before reaching over to whisper in his ear. "I'm not wearing any panties."  
  
Spike coughed and suddenly sat up straight, hitting his head on the low ceiling of the car. "Pardon?" he asked, wondering if he'd heard her right.  
  
Buffy smiled and threw a glance at the driver. Once she was confident he wasn't watching them, she discreetly took hold of Spike's hand and drew it towards her. Spike watched almost in awe as she parted her legs slightly and allowed him to run his hand slowly up her thigh. He moaned quietly as his knuckles brushed the hair at the apex of her legs and he bit his lip softly.  
  
"God, pet. You can't do this to me," he complained softly into her ear as he gently explored further, still not quite believing that this girl would willingly leave the house in a short skirt and without any underwear.  
  
"Why not - don't you like my surprise?" she breathed into his ears.  
  
"Oh, God, pet, that's not what I mean. I mean, God, yes, I like - see?" he took her hand and placed it on his crotch, showing her exactly how much he liked her little 'surprise'. "But, I mean, do we have to go to dinner? I could just tell the bloke to turn round and take us home now," Spike said, not caring the slightly whiny tone to his voice.  
  
"No. You said you'd take me out and we're going out. Just thought I'd make things a little more interesting, that's all."  
  
"You're killing me, Summers."  
  
The only reply Spike got to his comment was a smug little smile as Buffy withdrew to the far side of the back seat and carefully crossed her legs.  
  
Spike gulped - it was going to be a long night.  
  
Spike watched as Buffy picked at her meal. After the agony of the taxi ride, they'd arrived at the incredibly upmarket restaurant - it was costing Spike much more than he could realistically afford to be here tonight - and Buffy had spent the first part of the meal gently teasing him with promises of what was to come when they got home.  
  
But then she'd fallen quiet. Spike wasn't sure what had caused this sudden change in mood, but he knew that he was currently looking at meditative- Buffy. The girl was most definitely lost in her thoughts, pushing the food around her plate almost as if she didn't see it.  
  
She sighed softly to herself and looked up at him, nervously chewing at her bottom lip. Spike raised an eyebrow softly and tilted his head to the left, waiting for her to speak.  
  
She took a deep breath. "What is this?" she asked him gently.  
  
"It's duck, pet. I think the menu said pan-fried duck in a red currant sauce with some kind of juice or something. But it's definitely duck."  
  
She scowled at him. "That's not what I meant. I meant, what is this?" she indicated the two of them. "What's going on? What is this?"  
  
"Oh." Spike was silent for a moment, wondering how to answer that one. He didn't know what they had between them. He definitely knew what he wanted there to be between them, but he was fairly sure that wasn't what she wanted to hear right now. He finally decided to play it safe. "What do you want it to be?" he asked, throwing the ball firmly back into her court.  
  
Buffy went back to playing with her food, not looking at him.  
  
"I can't give you a relationship, if that's what you want," she said quietly. Spike said nothing, waiting for her to continue. "I was with Riley for so long. When we broke up, I felt like I was coming out of a dream. I wasn't sure of where I was - kinda disorientated. I need to know who I am, without all the confusing boyfriend stuff. I can't commit to another relationship right now." She sounded almost apologetic and she wouldn't meet his eyes.  
  
Spike smiled softly. None of this was news to him. She hadn't needed to explain it - he'd known where he stood and known why she couldn't give more. He knew her better than she thought he did. "That's alright pet, never expected anything more. Just promise me one thing."  
  
She looked up at him, surprised by his immediate understanding - she'd thought that he would complain, try to talk her round. She'd had this determined argument all mapped out in her head and everything. "What thing?"  
  
"Promise me I'll never be the other man. This thing we have - whatever it is - it stops if either of us has anyone else. Serious like. I'm not asking you to be faithful to me or anything," he quickly clarified. "But, if you get a boyfriend, or I get a girlfriend," - Like that's gonna happen. Wouldn't want anyone else - "this stops. 'K?"  
  
"Sure," Buffy agreed, relieved that it was something she could so readily consent to. She quickly pushed down the sickening feeling that appeared as she thought about Spike with another woman. He's not mine. I have no right to feel... jealous? No, that's not jealous, it's, well, not jealousy, she thought emphatically to herself as she took another gulp of wine. Instead she smiled wickedly and slipped off one of her shoes, reaching out with her bare foot to run a toe up the inside of Spike's leg.  
  
He gasped and moaned slightly as her foot travelled up above his knee and rested in his lap. She smiled and indicated that he should keep quiet as she started moving her foot in delicate circles.  
  
He nodded and tried to look as if he was enjoying his meal as he watched Buffy managing to eat each mouthful of hers in what was possibly the most erotic fashion he'd ever seen. She seemed to savour each mouthful and the things her foot was doing under the tablecloth made Spike wonder if he could control himself much longer. He put down his fork and indicated to the waiter.  
  
"Em, we've, er, aah, finished. Erm, aah, could we, aah, have the bill please?" he asked, barely managing to keep his voice steady. Across the table, Buffy's face was a picture of innocence as she put down her fork and dabbed demurely at the corners of her mouth with the napkin.  
  
"Oh, and I was sooo looking forward to dessert too," she complained as the waiter hurried off for their bill.  
  
"You can have dessert at home, pet. I promise.  
  
Spike wrenched the door of his flat open and not for the first time sent a prayer of thanks to whatever deity might be out there that he lived along.  
  
Buffy danced through the door and into the kitchen, shedding clothes as she went, leaving Spike speechless with want as he hurried after her.  
  
"Dessert, dessert. You must have something here that passes for dessert," she complained as she rifled through his freezer, bare behind wriggling delightfully, in Spike's opinion.  
  
He walked up behind her. "Oh, I think I see something just perfect," he purred as he stroked the globes of her arse.  
  
"Me too!" she exclaimed as she suddenly stood upright, brandishing a tub of chocolate ice cream.  
  
"But pet, I wanted to play," he moaned as she walked over to get a spoon out of the drawer."  
  
Buffy perched on the worktop and lifted the lid of the pot before carving out a small scoop of the cold substance. "Oh, we can play..." she promised as she lowered the spoon and deposited the ice cream onto her left breast.  
  
Spike's eyes lit up as he quickly made his way towards her.  
  
He eagerly lowered his head to her breast and proceeded to lick every last bit of the chocolately goodness off her, leaving her moaning in pleasure.  
  
"More?" he asked hopefully, with almost childlike enthusiasm. He looked up at her with such big blue eyes that she was unable to resist - even if she'd actually wanted to. She deftly coated her breasts with more of the quickly melting ice cream and lay back on the worktop.  
  
She moaned with pleasure as he once again licked her breast clean, devoting more time than was strictly necessary to making sure her nipples were perfectly spotless. By the time he had finished his ministrations, Buffy was writhing around underneath him in pleasure.  
  
He picked up the ice cream tub and held it where she could see it.  
  
"More?" he asked, invitingly.  
  
"God, yes!" she moaned, a look of pure lust and want on her face.  
  
"Who am I to refuse a lady?" he asked as he dribbled the now almost completely liquid solution over her body.  
  
She gasped as she felt the liquid hit. From her position lying on the worktop, she couldn't actually see where he was going to drizzle the substance and the sheer eroticism of the cold unexpectedly touching her was driving her wild.  
  
Once he was happy with the placement of the ice cream, Spike stood back to look at his handiwork. Buffy was laid out on the counter, her body covered in a lacework of melted ice cream and nothing else. He licked his lips - she truly did look stunning there just like that and he took a moment to commit the image to memory, intent on remembering it for the rest of his life.  
  
For Buffy, the moments from when he'd finished trailing ice cream on her to when he finally came back were torture. Sweet, pleasant torture that ripped through her body and headed straight between her legs. Her breaths were ragged and uneven, her chest heaving and she couldn't help squirming on the worktop. And he's hardly even touched me yet! she thought to herself just before his mouth touched her body once more.  
  
His talented tongue travelled across her body with almost agonising slowness, persistently ignoring her attempts to direct it to where she most wanted to feel him.  
  
"Please, Spike..." she moaned, willingly begging him, to no avail. He lifted his head momentarily from her form to flash her one of his irritating smirks before descending once more to continue his attentions.  
  
Finally he gave in and her moans came thicker and faster as she felt herself approaching climax. "Oh, God Spike, oh God - don't stop. God please don't stop. Oh, yes, right there - just like that. God yeah, just like that." Her words descended into unintelligible mutterings until she felt her orgasm crash over her in a wave and she buried her hands in Spike's hair to hold him against her as she rode it.  
  
As she came down, Spike moved back up her body, satisfied smile on his face as he watched her stretch languidly. "Satisfied, pet?"  
  
"Already? You have to be kidding me!" she exclaimed. "I'm just getting started!"  
  
"That's fine by me." He looked down at her. "You know, I've always had this fantasy of taking you right here."  
  
"You have?" Buffy asked, interestedly, his suggestion hotwiring straight to her centre.  
  
"Yes, I have," he said, swinging her legs round so that she was lying with only the upper half of her body on the worktop. He positioned himself between her legs and Buffy moaned as she felt him against her.  
  
"Do you like that idea?" he teased.  
  
"Yes, I like. I like a lot!" she gasped, shifting her position slightly.  
  
Spike smiled and thrust suddenly forward, gasping with pleasure as he entered her. She wrapped her legs around his torso and began to move with him, building up a steady rhythm. He placed one hand by her head to balance himself as they moved more forcefully together.  
  
"Oh, Buffy, you feel so good, pet. You're so beautiful. Perfect. Lovely. You're..." Spike trailed off as he moaned with pleasure and looked at her, trying to convey all the emotion he couldn't put into words through that one gaze.  
  
Buffy couldn't take her eyes off his face, off the intensity of his gaze, it was as though she really could see through him to his soul and here, in this moment, she wasn't afraid of anything that she might see there. She could accept the intensity of his emotions in a way that she denied herself at all other times. Right here, right now it all just made her feel more. More wanted, more special, more loved.  
  
"Spike!" she breathed almost with awe as he once again sent her crashing over the edge again and this time followed her over, calling out her name.  
  
He slumped against her, peppering her face with tiny kisses, whispering her name over and over. She lay there for a second, enjoying the attention before she realised that breathing now would be a bonus.  
  
"Er, Spike? Kinda getting crushed a little here..."  
  
"Sorry, pet." He quickly moved off her and helped her down from the worktop. They both looked back at it.  
  
"Well, that was..." Spike started.  
  
"Amazing?" Buffy provided.  
  
"I was going for incredible, myself - but amazing would do it as well!"  
  
"That's alright then. How about we continue this somewhere a little more comfortable? Say, in bed?" She suggested as she lead the way out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom. Spike merely smiled and willingly followed her. 


	31. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**  
  
Buffy was pulling out of the driveway when Spike's front door reopened nd he came running out. She stopped and rolled down the window.  
  
"Miss me already, Spikey?" she asked teasingly.  
  
He glowered at the use of the pet name she knew he hated, but decided not to dignify it with a response. "Not quite - forgot to ask you something."  
  
"Oh, Yeah?"  
  
"First weekend in December - you busy?"   
  
"Like I plan my life that far in advance!" Buffy exclaimed incredulously.  
  
"It's not that far away, you know - coupla months, tops. So, can I take it you're free?"   
  
"Should be, why?"  
  
"Work's Christmas bash - it's this big dinner and party thing - real posh affair apparently. Anyway, we're meant to turn up with a date and, well, none of the girls I know round here are much in the way of posh do material. Wondered if you'd come - there's a night in a hotel and a free bar in it for you if you do..." Spike wheedled.  
  
"Sure, why not - might be a good night."  
  
"Great! See you then!" Spike said, trying desperately to maintain is cool despite her response.  
  
"Bye, Spike - call me," Buffy said as she pulled off with a smile.  
  
The flat seemed quiet as she opened the front door. She shrugged and yawned, glad that the drive home hadn't been any further as the weekend had left her absolutely exhausted.  
  
But exhausted in the best sense of the word, Buffy thought with a smile as memories of some of the more 'satisfying' aspects of the weekend flitted through her mind.  
  
She walked into her room and dumped her bag on the bed before wandering downstairs to get a drink.  
  
Willow looked up from the couch as Buffy entered the room.  
  
"Hi," the redhead said nervously.  
  
"Hi, Will - where's Tara?" Buffy asked, somewhat confused by the tone of her friend's voice.   
  
"She, well, she's gone out," Willow said, looking down at her laps where her hands were fiddling fretfully with the hem of her skirt.  
  
"Will - are you okay. Did you and Tara have a fight?" Buffy asked anxiously.  
  
"What? Me and... Oh, no, no - nothing like that! It's just..." she trailed off.  
  
Buffy sat down next to her friend, tiredness suddenly forgotten as worry took its place. "Just, what?" she asked, gently.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry," Willow said in a rush.   
  
Buffy frowned and looked at her friend. "Sorry? For what?" she asked perplexedly.  
  
"For Friday night. You didn't just have to go off like that. I mean, I know it can't be easy - what with me and Tara living here and Xander and Anya and all and I realise that you're single and I'm sure that it gets a little too much at times and I'm sorry if you feel that we're leaving you out of things and I'll try really, really hard never to do it again and I, we, Tara and I feel really, really bad that you felt that you had to leave and I honestly thought you knew about Xander and Anya and you know I would have told you if I thought that you didn't know and..."  
  
"Will, Will - breathe, for God's sake. Oxygen is of the good." Buffy said as her friend rattled on with no signs of stopping.  
  
Willow smiled weakly and shrugged, but stopped.  
  
"Will. You didn't drive me out of the house. I went because I wanted to. I'd just got off the phone with Spike and he'd been on at me to visit. I'd told him no because it was short notice, but then I realised I had nothing else doing this weekend and I just thought 'What the hell'. It's nice to do that sometimes. But, now that you mention it, I may have been feeling just a teensy little bit left out of things. But, I can cope with that. I'm sure that's how Xander felt last year when we both had people and he didn't. I'm just having to learn what that feels like. But that's okay. I can deal. No biggy."  
  
"You sure? I mean..." Willow said showing definite signs of starting off on another apology ramble.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure. Not a problem. And I promise to tell you if I think you're shutting me out. How's that?" Buffy asked, skilfully deflecting Willow's imminent outburst.  
  
Willow looked relieved and nodded before relaxing and smiling. "So, how was the weekend?"  
  
Buffy smiled inwardly as she wondered how exactly to answer that particular question. She imagined the look on her best friend's face if she told her _exactly _what she and Spike had been getting up to all weekend.  
  
It was then that it occurred to her why she didn't want anyone else to know. It was special, what she had with Spike. She knew what it was and so did he. But she wasn't sure that anyone else would understand. She knew that her friends would want to quantify the relationship, for Spike to be her 'boyfriend' or just a 'one night stand'. That, for them, would be easy to deal with. A nice, neat little box in which to put them so they didn't have to think too hard. But Buffy knew that her relationship with Spike wasn't like that, it was, 'complicated' was the first word that came to mind, but that didn't seem to fit properly.  
  
Spike was more than that. He was her friend, her confident - she knew that she could tell him anything without fear that he would judge her for it or like her less because of it. He would accept her because of who she was, not despite of who she was. And she was the same to him - no secrets, no lies and no silly little games.  
  
And she knew that she would never be able to put any of that into words that her friends could understand.  
  
"The weekend was fun," she finally said, feeling that the response was a little on the lame side.  
  
"Fun? That's cool - so, what did you do? Tell me everything!" Willow demanded.  
  
"Okay. Oh, wait a minute - Xander - did he propose?" Buffy asked, trying to deflect the subject away from her weekend with Spike.  
  
"We don't know - he's not back yet. So, tell me, tell me!"   
  
"Alright - well, have to admit, he wasn't exactly impressed when I turned up at like 1am..." Buffy started as Willow curled up on the sofa to hear her Buffy's tale of the weekend.   
  
Well, the edited version of the weekend anyway, Buffy thought.  
  
Willow had finally given in the night before; almost satisfied that Buffy was telling her all there was to know about the weekend.  
  
Buffy, for her part, had been happy to get out of the room as she'd been doubtful that she would have been able to hold up under the pressure of her friend's rather extensive questioning about the weekend and keep some of the more personal aspects of their activities to herself.  
  
The exhaustion she'd felt when she'd arrived home last night had disappeared with good night's sleep and now Buffy was curled up on the sofa, reading her now somewhat dog-eared copy of 'Pride and Prejudice' for what seemed like the millionth time before she sat down to write the final version of the essay that had to be in the following week.  
  
She looked up as Xander ambled leisurely down the stairs. She smiled and put down her book.  
  
"What?" Xander asked as he realised Buffy was smiling at him.  
  
"So? Do I get to wish you joy?" she asked, attempting a posh English accent.  
  
"What? Buff, what are you going on about?" Xander said, obviously bewildered.  
  
"Oh, sorry," Buffy held up the book and shrugged. "Jane Austen - read it too much and you just get this overwhelming urge to talk like them. What I mean is, do I get to congratulate you?"  
  
"Okay, see this look of confusion on my face? There's a reason for that. I mean, don't get me wrong - congratulations are always nice, but I have no idea why you would want to give them to me."  
  
"Oh. So, you didn't propose to Anya this weekend, then?"  
  
Xander's eyes bugged slightly. "I didn't what, to huh?" he sputtered.  
  
"I'll take that as a 'no' then."  
  
"Er, yes. I mean, no. I mean - no I didn't propose to Anya. Where did you get that bizarre and frankly ridiculous idea from?"  
  
"Willow?" Buffy tried.  
  
"Oh, and where did she get it from?"   
  
"No idea..."  
  
"Okay, let's be definite on this. I did not propose to Anya Jenkins this weekend. Nor do I intend to propose to her in the immediate future." Xander said slowly.  
  
"Oh. But you took her away on a really romantic weekend"  
  
"Yes, I did. And it cost me most of my student loan for this term. So that means no money for an engagement ring. You really think I would be stupid enough to try and propose to _Anya _of all people without being able to buy her a ring? I don't have a death-wish you know!" Xander explained fervently. Buffy just giggled at him.  
  
"So, it wasn't that you just forgot to tell me?"  
  
"No. Why would I do something like that? You're one of my best friends. Trust me, if I ever propose, I'm gonna want some serious female advice first - you'll be one of the first to know - promise."


	32. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**  
  
"C-!" Xander threw the sheets of paper down on the coffee table in disgust.  
  
Willow and Buffy looked up from their movie to where their friend was standing, fuming. Willow raised an eyebrow. "What was that sweetie?" she asked before grabbing another handful of popcorn.  
  
Xander frowned and threw himself down on the sofa, squeezing in between the two girls, appropriating the bowl of popcorn and hugging it to his chest like it was a security blanket. "I worked really hard on that assignment and what do I get? A C-. Sometimes I don't know why I even bother - my grades never seem to change."  
  
"Aww, it's not that bad," Willow commented as she ruffled Xander's hair affectionately.  
  
Xander batted Willow's hand away and attempted to smooth out his hair. "Well, it's fine for you, little Miss Brainbox. Have you ever got less than an A in your life?" he asked sarcastically.  
  
"Might have dropped down to an A- once..." Willow retorted, eyes sparkling with humour.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes as she recognised the beginning of the long standing and oft repeated 'grades game' and she turned back to the film.   
  
"But really," Xander said a few minutes later, suddenly lapsing into one of his rare moments of gravity. "I _did_ try really hard on that assignment, and it _is _depressing that it's made absolutely no difference."  
  
"What you need," Buffy said, not taking her eyes off the TV as she continued to munch from the rapidly disappearing bowl of popcorn. She recognised the tone of his voice - they'd had to deal with this Xander in the past and there was one guaranteed solution. "What you need is some distraction. How 'bout we go out tonight?"   
  
"Nah - don't know if I've got the energy," Xander sighed, slouching further down into the sofa and batting Buffy's hand away as it delved in for more popcorn.  
  
"Oh, come on! We can't just leave you in a depressive funk - it's so not like you. I insist - tow, taxis, a few drinks, a bit of a dance maybe - it'll make you feel_ so_ much better..." Buffy persuaded.  
  
"I guess, fine. We'll go out then," Xander reluctantly agreed before suddenly seeming to cheer up dramatically. "But I get to pick where we go!"  
  
"Sure, no problem," Buffy agreed as she deftly avoided Xander's defences and move in to grasp the final handful of popcorn with a cry of triumph.  
  
The pub was packed, much busier than was usual for a Wednesday night, but the three friends had arranged to meet Anya here and Tara was arriving later once she'd finished her mediation class so they had little choice but to go inside.  
  
Buffy stopped just inside the doors and looked around, a small smile playing across her lips. Willow looked back at her as Xander moved further inside the pub.  
  
"What's up?" she asked as she noticed that her friend had stopped.  
  
"What?" Buffy was pulled out of her daze by Willow's words. "Oh, nothing - come on, let's go." She linked arms with the redhead as they hurried to catch Xander, but Buffy's mind still wandered slightly as it had been doing ever since they walked through the doors of the pub and she realised that they were in the same pub Spike had brought her when she'd broken up with Riley.  
  
That realisation had immediately summoned up memories of the weekend they had spent together, just over a fortnight ago now, and that always made the blonde smile.   
  
They managed to catch up with Xander after pushing their way through the crowds.  
  
"You seen Anya?" Willow asked, having o raise her voice above the throng.  
  
"Nah, have to keep looking."  
  
"You go look - I'll get drinks. I'll meet you over there by the pillar, okay?" Buffy shouted, indicating a thick pillar, painted dark red which reached from floor to ceiling in the middle of the room. The other two indicated their consent and moved off in search of Anya. Buffy started through the crowds towards the bar, the mass of bodies meaning that she had to twist and push herself through the gaps as she thanked however might be listening that she wasn't any bigger.  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief as she finally managed to get to the bar and leaned against it, determinedly holding her ground against the people behind her who were trying to place their orders. She looked around for a barman, but with no luck - they were all obviously busy taking orders further down the bar.  
  
Suddenly, she felt someone tap her shoulder. "Can I get you a drink?"  
  
She looked round and met the eyes of the guy standing next to her. He was tall, even slouched as he was against the bar, and handsome, in a dark and moody way. She eyed him up and down thoughtfully. He was well dressed in a pair of dark trousers and a dark blue silk shirt under a three-quarter-length leather jacket. Finally she looked up into his eyes and swallowed, suddenly a little nervous. They were the biggest brown eyes she'd ever seen and the way he was looking at her, she suddenly felt as if she were the only girl in the room. She took a deep breath.   
  
"Sorry?" she asked, hoping she wasn't too visibly muddled by his very presence.  
  
"I said - can I buy you a drink?"  
  
Buffy took another steadying breath. My God - and he's got an accent! she thought to herself as she caught the vague Irish lilt to his question.  
  
"Er, no - I'm buying a round, so it wouldn't really be fair," she explained apologetically.  
  
"Oh, okay then. But can I at least know your name?" the guy asked hopefully.  
  
Buffy laughed with an air of relief as she realised that this guy, as cool and collected as he might first appear, was at least a little nervous, a realisation that allowed her to relax and act slightly more naturally. "Sure - I'm Buffy, Buffy Summers." She held out her hand to him with a smile and he took it and shook it gently, his eyes never leaving hers.  
  
"Liam. Liam O'Connor. Nice to meet you, Buffy Summers, but I think it's your turn," he said, gesturing towards the waiting barman.  
  
Making her way back from the bar was slightly easier than getting there in the first place. Buffy had long since discovered that people had a tendency to move out of your way when they realised that you were carrying potentially staining drinks precariously in front of you. She saw Xander and Willow hovering near the pillar and smiled when she realised that Anya was with them.  
  
"Hi guys. Okay drinks - one for you, you and you and finally, one for me." She took a sip of her drink and sighed. "S'pose there's no use asking whether there's anywhere to sit round here?"  
  
"Yeah, right - that's why there are hordes of people just standing round!" Xander snorted sarcastically.  
  
"It's Wednesday night - where did all these people come from? People have no right to be out on a weekday night - don't they have jobs to go to in the morning?" she whined as she realised that she was wearing her least practical shoes and would be dying by the end of the night if she couldn't sit down.  
  
"So, what took you so long at the bar?" Willow asked in an attempt to distract Buffy.  
  
"Apart from the thousands of people I had to fight my way through to get served? Oh, there was this guy..." she said nonchalantly.  
  
"A guy? Was he good looking and possibly rich?" Anya asked, suddenly showing interest. "Not that I really care because I have Xander and I wouldn't want anyone else," she clarified, clinging onto her boyfriend's arm and looking at him ingratiatingly.   
  
"Yes, a guy. And I s'pose he was good looking. Rich, I couldn't say," Buffy laughed.  
  
"Potential boyfriend material?" Willow asked encouragingly.  
  
"Will, we've talked about this - I'm not looking for a boyfriend at the moment. So, I would have to say, no."  
  
"But, Buffy, you've been single for months. I know that you were with Riley for ages, but don't you think it's time you started dating again - I mean, you've hardly looked at another man since you broke up with Riley."   
  
"Yes. I agree. And you must be missing all of the wonderful orgasms that he gave you," Anya said in her usual forthright tone.  
  
Buffy blushed slightly, she would never get used to Anya's comments. "Anya..." she hinted.  
  
"What? Oh, come on - you_ must_ miss the sex..."  
  
Buffy blushed still further at this as she was once more thrown back into her memories of the weekend with Spike and she sighed slightly, a ghost of a smile playing across her lips.  
  
"See - she does. I can tell!" Anya declared, catching the look that passed across her face.  
  
"Okay, that's it! We're changing the subject _right now_!" Buffy declared. "No more talk about my sex life and no more talk about strange men being potential boyfriends!"  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Yeap, Will?" Buffy asked, looking up from her completely uninspiring bowl of pasta and sauce that was today passing for lunch as her bank account steadfastly refused to stretch to anything more elaborate or exciting.  
  
"You remember that hottie from the bar the other night?" Willow continued, flicking through the newspaper absentmindedly as she sat across the table from Buffy.  
  
"Which one?" Buffy smirked - Wednesday night had turned into a nomadic wander round some of the pubs of Manchester, mostly in an effort to find somewhere to sit down and soothe Buffy's aching feet.  
  
"Tall, dark, handsome, kinda broody - kept turning up wherever we were. Your own personal stalker guy..."  
  
"Oh, Liam. Yeah, what about him?" Buffy asked, taking another bite of pasta.  
  
"You get his number?" Willow asked casually.  
  
"No. I told you - not really interested right now. I mean, he seemed nice enough had I been looking, but..." she trailed off.  
  
"Didn't think you did..."  
  
"Will, where's this leading?" Buffy asked, suddenly getting the feeling that there was something going on her she wasn't quite aware of.   
  
"Ikindatoldhimthatyouwouldgooutwithhimtonight," Willow garbled out.  
  
"What? Say that again, and more slowly this time," Buffy said warningly.  
  
"I, er, well, that is, I sorta told him that you would go out with him tonight..." Willow said hopefully.  
  
"Will. You _know_ that I had no interest in dating this guy..."  
  
"I know, but, like you said, he seems like a really nice guy. And one date wouldn't hurt and he already thinks you've agreed to this - you can't let him down!" Willow pleaded.  
  
"Watch me."   
  
"Please?" Willow asked, putting on her best persuasive expression. Buffy felt herself wavering in the face of this and thought desperately for another way out.  
  
"I can't!" she exclaimed as inspiration struck.  
  
"Please?"   
  
"No, no - I really can't. I'm going away this weekend," she said, as if she'd just remembered a plan that had been organised for weeks rather than seconds.  
  
"Where?" Willow asked surprised.  
  
"Spike's. Yep, that's it - I'm going to Spike's. Can't get out of it." She looked at her watch. "I fact, my - is that the time? And it's Friday. I really need to pack and get going." She hopped off her stool and moved towards the stairs.  
  
"You've never mentioned going to Spike's this weekend before..." Willow said doubtfully.  
  
"Haven't I. Oh, must have slipped my mind," she called back over her shoulder as she started to accelerate up the stairs. She ran into her room, shutting the door firmly behind her and grabbed the phone, dialling quickly.  
  
"Come on, come on. Pick up the phone."   
  
It rang and rang and finally Buffy threw it onto the bed in frustration before joining it and staring up at the ceiling for a moment.  
  
"Ah ha! Mobile! I know I have the number around here somewhere..." She rummaged through the pile of papers on her bedside tale and finally brandished a slip with a number scrawled on it. She quickly dialled the number and it was picked up in the second ring.  
  
"'Lo?" Spike's familiar drawl answered.  
  
"Spike, thank God! Say you're in this weekend - you could just save my sanity. I need to come over, tonight, for the weekend. Please say you're in." Buffy pleaded.  
  
"Oh, pet. Sorry, I'm not there this weekend - I'm at the folks'," he said, sounding genuinely apologetic. "What's the big deal anyway?"  
  
"Willow's trying to set me up. She's decided it's been far too long since I had a boyfriend and she's 'arranged' a date for me tonight. I really didn't want to go and so I kinda, said, that I was visiting you..." she said, hoping that he would change his mind.  
  
"Oh. A date? Hmm, I'd love to help, pet..." Spike sounded genuinely apologetic.  
  
"You would? Well, you could maybe go away another day and I could come over..." she wheedled.  
  
"No can do, pet - I'm already there..."  
  
"Oh. No, that's all right. It doesn't matter. I guess I'll just go on the date. I mean, I might actually like the guy - who knows," Buffy sounded disappointed, but she knew that she was playing the final card and cringed inwardly at the low blow. It worked.  
  
"No, pet - you don't have to do that. Tell you what, why don't you come down - mum and dad won't mind. They'd love to meet you. I mean, it's a long drive, but..."   
  
"Really no, that's great. Give me directions then..." she said excitedly, grabbing a pen.


	33. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32 **  
  
Buffy stifled a yawn as she turned down the slip road which lead from the motorway and navigated her way off the roundabout. She checked her directions once more and smiled as she saw that there was a left-hand turning just up ahead, right where she expected it to be.  
  
Spike hadn't been joking when he'd said that it would be a long journey and, with winter drawing in fast, it was fully dark now - something that Buffy quickly came to appreciate as she turned the corner off the main road.  
  
The darkness seemed to swallow her as she drove down the winding country lane into the night. Hers was the only car on the road and she quickly flipped her headlights up to full beam in an effort to see where the lane was going. Despite the complete darkness, the road was actually in very good condition and relatively wide, at least in comparison to some of the country roads she'd driven down in the last few years. She chuckled to herself as she remembered asking Xander once why they built the walls quite so close to the roads in England. Xander had just laughed and told her that the walls had been there first.  
  
The road widened still further and straightened out, the hedgerows at each side dropping away so that the only border between the road and the fields at either side was a low grass hummock. Buffy peered ahead and was suddenly struck by her surroundings. The darkness was total, the only light coming from her headlights, and they merely lit the road in front of her. The empty fields seemed to merge into the darkness giving Buffy the eerie feeling that she was driving on an isolated ribbon of tarmac as it twisted its way through the void. She suddenly realised that if there were a hundred foot drop at either side of the road right now it would look no different. She shivered and turned up the radio, hoping that she found her way to the house sooner rather than later.  
  
The road started to rise and a slight glow appeared on the horizon, making Buffy hope that she may have finally reached her destination. She sat up a little in her seat and shook her head to clear it. If this were the village she was looking for, she would have to concentrate on something other than making sure she stayed on the road and didn't hit anything.  
  
She gasped as she crested the rise and saw the little village laid out in the valley below her.   
  
The centre of the village was marked with a medieval church, lit up against the night sky with the aid of more modern floodlights. It had the air of a beacon showing the residents the way home to this isolated village miles from anywhere. She slowly started her descent, the road winding downwards and taking a right twist into the village proper.  
  
It looked just like a picture book with its narrow streets and old-fashioned houses and shops. Buffy laughed as she caught sight of an Indian take-away on one side of the road, its modern fronting incongruous with the surrounding Tudor-style buildings and old brick.  
  
She ran Spike's directions over in her mind once more as she drove through the village, keeping an eye out for the large cream house set just off the main road. She smiled as she caught sight of it and indicated right to pull into the driveway.  
  
Her tyres crunched loudly as she drove up the gravel drive and parked her car in one of the many available spaces that ran along the side of the house. She climbed out and stretched before looking inquisitively at the building in front of her.  
  
It was definitely large, Buffy hadn't seen much of the village but she imagined that it was probably one of the largest houses here, especially set as it was in such extensive grounds. And it was old; she wasn't sure how old, but 'old' was certainly an adjective that could well be used to describe this house. The house had an air of an aged and well-loved blanket – a little frayed round the edges, but in surprisingly good condition and obviously well cared for.  
  
She was draw from her musings when she saw the light at the side door turn on and the door open to reveal Spike, hair mussed and curly, making a change from his usual, slicked-back style.  
  
"You made it then, pet?" he called, leaning nonchalantly against the doorpost and taking a sip from the mug which he held in his hands.   
  
"You had any doubts?" she asked with a smile as she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder and walked towards him.  
  
"With your sense of direction? Would I be risking a beating if I said 'yes'?" he smirked and quickly stepped back as she took a playful jab at him. He set his mug down on a nearby window ledge and stepped up to her, backing her up against the doorpost. "Hello," he whispered, his breath visible in the cold of the evening. He took in her diminutive frame and felt his breath quicken as the heat from her body radiated out towards him. He slowly leaned in closer, eyes closing as he bent to kiss her.  
  
"William?" a woman's voice called from inside the house, breaking the moment entirely. "Was that Buffy arriving? I thought I heard a car..."  
  
Spike sighed and moved away from Buffy, who he could see was trying to hold back a laugh. "What?" he asked, scowling slightly.  
  
"N-nothing," she giggled. "Oh, well, it's just that I've never heard anyone call you William before," she admitted, eyes sparkling at him.   
  
"Well, get used to it – you'll have to this weekend. Come on then, s'pose I'd better introduce you."  
  
He led her inside into the warmth of the house and down a short dim corridor, which opened out into a bright, farmhouse kitchen.  
  
A dark-haired woman stood in the middle of the room and she smiled as Buffy entered. Spike moved towards the sink at the far side of the kitchen and busied himself washing up the now empty mug.  
  
"Well, hello," the woman said. "I guess you must be Buffy. Glad to finally meet you – William's told us so much about you and Rupert and I have been on at him for so long to bring you down here, but he always has some excuse. You'd think he didn't want us to meet his girlfriend..." she shook her head and Buffy flashed Spike a questioning look.  
  
Spike quickly shook his head and indicated that he would explain later and that she should just go along with it. Buffy held back a scowl, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. She turned back to his mother and smiled.  
  
"And it's nice to finally meet you, Mrs Giles," she said, deciding that she might as well make an effort to get along with Spike's parents, never mind whether or not they thought she was his girlfriend.  
  
"Oh, what am I thinking! Please, call me Jenny. We don't stand on ceremony round here, you know. Rupert's around here somewhere. I'm sure he'll pop up sooner or later," she shook her head and laughed contagiously and Buffy found herself smiling along.  
  
"Well, mum. I really think I should show Buffy where to put her stuff and then I thought we'd go round to the pub for a bit." Spike said, deftly manoeuvring Buffy away from his mother towards a door opposite the one through which they had come.  
  
"Oh, okay then. See you later, Buffy."  
  
"Sorry about mum, she can be a bit overpowering if you let her ramble on," Spike explained as they climbed the main stairs to the upper level of the house.  
  
"She seemed nice enough to me," Buffy shrugged as Spike opened one of many doors along the top corridor.  
  
"This is us," he said, throwing her bag down on the king-sized bed. Buffy followed him into the room and looked around. It had very obviously once been Spike's bedroom when he'd lived at home and a few posters of the punk bands he was fond of had survived what looked like recent renovation works by his parents. The room was definitely in flux, the freshly painted walls and floral curtains contrasting strangely with the probably newly re-hung posters. She raised an eyebrow as he turned to face her, then what he had said filtered through into her consciousness and she frowned.  
  
"Our room?" she questioned.  
  
"Yes, our room. As in you and me," he said, slowly and slightly patronisingly. She let the latter slip as realisation dawned.  
  
"So that's why you told you mom we were going out? Naughty boy, lying to your parents," she said, wagging a finger at him.  
  
He caught it and pulled her flush against his body, capturing her hazel gaze with his intense cerulean stare. "Didn't lie," he growled. "They assumed, I just didn't enlighten them," he smirked. "And the perks are definitely worth it," he breathed as he pulled her in for a kiss.


	34. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33 **  
  
"Morning!"  
  
Buffy jumped slightly, not expecting the cheery greeting as she walked into the kitchen the following morning. She turned towards the source and was greeted by the sight of an older man, who she could only assume to be Spike's father, taking mugs out of a corner cupboard on the far side of the room.  
  
"I'm sorry, did I startle you?" he asked, filling the kettle with water and placing it to boil.  
  
"Er, no, well, not really," she said, thrown a little in her still-sleepy state by how alert he seemed this early in the morning.   
  
"Good. Tea?" he asked, turning to the counter where the kettle had just boiled.  
  
"Oh, yes please, that would be nice," she replied, crossing the room and taking a seat at the round wooden table.  
  
The man placed a mug of tea in front of her and took a seat a little further round the table.  
  
"So, I take it you're Buffy. Sorry I missed you last night – I got a little engrossed in one of my texts and lost track of time. Then, when I finally surfaced, Jenny told me that you and William had left for the pub."  
  
"That's okay..." Buffy said, not really sure how to reply and desperately trying to think of something to talk about. She took a sip of her tea. "What were you reading?" she asked eventually.  
  
"Oh, a treatise on the indigenous civilisations of the region surrounding ancient Babylonia. Fascinating, really." His eyes sparkled as he talked and Buffy tried to look interested, but clearly failed miserably. "Yes, well," he said. "I realise that it's not everyone's cup of tea, but as a lecturer in ancient history, one must keep on top of these things.  
  
"Anyway, enough about me. My one-and-only son tells me that you're reading English at Manchester."  
  
"Yes, that's right. I'm in my final year now and I can't believe how much work there is to do!"  
  
"Don't let him get you talking, pet. He'll never let you get away," Spike's voice drawled from the doorway. Buffy turned to see him lounging against the wall, smirk playing across his lips.  
  
"I'll have you know I am not that bad!"  
  
"Oh, come on Rupert, you bloody well are – you'll get her talking about the intricacies of some long dead author or poet and she'll be here all day."  
  
"And I s'pose that makes you my knight in shining armour then, right?" Buffy asked with a laugh.  
  
"Yeah, summat like that." He smile and walked into the room, stopping by her chair.  
  
"I don't _think _so, somehow," she exclaimed derisively, turning back to his father. "Anyway, I was having a conversation with... Rupert... before you so rudely interrupted." She stumbled slightly over the name as she fleetingly considered how little it suited the man before her.  
  
"Oh, God. Please don't. Call me Giles – 'Rupert' is such an awful name!" He looked at Spike. "I don't understand why you insist on using it. Whatever happened to 'dad'?"  
  
"As long as you persist on calling me 'William', you'll have to live with 'Rupert'," Spike smirked.  
  
"Well then, I will just have to get used to it, since hell will freeze over before I'll call you by that God-awful nickname of yours!" Giles said, shaking his head as Buffy burst out laughing. Both men looked at her, puzzled.  
  
"What?" Spike asked.  
  
"Oh, nothing. It's just, well, you can tell you two are father and son, that's all. You're just as stubborn as each other."  
  
"I-I, I'm not – I'm nothing like him!" Spike blustered, momentarily thrown by her declaration.   
  
"Yeah, well. Whatever. I'm gonna go and have a shower – nice to met you Giles," she smiled and walked out of the kitchen.   
  
"I can't believe you think I'm anything like my father!" Spike's exclamation broke the silence and Buffy turned to look at him, puzzled expression fleeting across her face.   
  
"Oh, you're not still on that one are you?" she groaned. "I thought you'd dropped that hours ago!"  
  
"Just bugs me, that's all." He kicked a pebble across the road and shrugged, scowling slightly. "You really think I'm like dad?" he asked.  
  
"Oh no – I'm not getting into this one again. If you're going to be going on about this all day then this topic is officially closed. If you mention it again then I'm just gonna go home!" she said firmly.  
  
"Fine, whatever."  
  
"And, please, for God's sake – stop sulking. It really doesn't suit you."  
  
Spike was silent as they turned a corner. The day had turned out cold but bright and they'd decided that a walk round the village would be good idea for that afternoon.  
  
"So, what do you think?" Spike asked, trying to change the subject.  
  
"The village? It's very..." she fished for a word.  
  
"Picturesque?" Spike supplied as they passed the church in its grounds, the scene somewhat stark and desolate as the normally softening trees stood bare branched and wilting in the winter cold, the old gravestones adding to the atmosphere. He caught the look on her face and chuckled. "Okay, maybe not right at this very moment..."   
  
"Sorry, never really been one for graveyards – they kinda give me the wiggins, y'know? But, yeah, generally – picturesque would do it."  
  
They walked along in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the last of the winter's sunshine in the clear, crisp evening. Spike led her off the road and down a narrow passageway, lined with thick bushes that had yet to totally lose their green. The corridor opened out into a wide hollow. A small cliff formed one side and Buffy could see the main village road ran along its top. About half way down the cliff, a trickle of water sprang forth and formed a small waterfall down into a pond at the base of the cliff. The runoff created a stream which ran off down the incline passed the opening to the passage. Large stones had been placed across the stream to allow people to cross to where the path continued on the far bank.  
  
Spike smiled and danced light-footed across the stream, nimbly jumping from rock to rock, hardly even having to look down to see where to place his feet. Buffy followed more cautiously, aware of the fact that the winter rains meant that the rocks were almost entirely submerged in the water.   
  
Spike sat down on the bench which was positioned on the far bank and watched her cautiously cross the river, remembering the first time he'd tried it back when his family had arrived in the village when he was a young teenager. Crossing the stream wasn't as easy as it looked, despite the stepping stones and many a time he ended up in the icily cold water instead of dry on the bank laughing at someone else's' misfortune. Yet he quietly breathed a sigh of relief as he watched Buffy gain the bank unharmed and dry and she joined him on the bench, laying her head back against his shoulder and gazing up at the rapidly dimming sky.  
  
"It's nice here, though a little muddy," she said as she leaned forward to examine the clumps of dirt that had resolutely lodged themselves to the soles of her trainers.  
  
"This is s'posed to be the heart of the village, you know? It's what it was named for..." Spike said lightly. Buffy frowned at him, not getting what he meant. "Well, think about it..." he continued. "Look at the trees..." he indicated there surroundings and Buffy properly noticed for the first time that the hollow was surrounded by a vale of trees, their bare branches leaving the area exposed at this time of year, but she could imagine that in Spring and Summer the basin would be protected from the sun by the lightly rippling leaves and she smiled.  
  
"Right, trees. Nice, but still can't see why that has anything to do with the village?"  
  
"Do you know nothing?" Spike asked aghast, then quickly backed off at the look that the petite girl at his side flashed him. "Well, anyway, right – they're ash trees. And this is a spring – the water comes up out of the ground here, forming a natural well. Ash-well. Ashwell, see?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, right. Hmm, that's kinda cool." Buffy shrugged and returned to watching the sky darken.  
  
"You have no poetry in your soul at all do you?" Spike asked, sounding a little exasperated.  
  
"Oh, and you do?" she teased.  
  
"More than you!"  
  
"Hmph!" Buffy sounded, turning away from him on the seat and crossing her arms.  
  
"Oh, come on! What's wrong with you now?" Spike complained.  
  
"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with _me _?" Buffy declared, turning back to him with a look of disbelief on her face. "_You're _the one who's spent most of the day in a massive sulk just because I _happened _to mention that you share character traits with your father – and I can't see what the big deal about that is anyway, he seems like a really nice guy..."  
  
"So we're back on dad now, are we – I thought that you didn't want to talk about that anymore?" he snapped back in response.  
  
"I don't!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Okay."   
  
"Exactly."  
  
They scowled at each other for a minute in the rapidly failing light, before the hooting of an owl sounded suddenly nearby, breaking the atmosphere. Seemingly simultaneously, they both became aware of the ridiculousness of the situation and burst out laughing.  
  
"What was that all about?" Buffy asked through the laughs.  
  
"I have no idea," Spike chuckled, reaching out to lightly stroke the side of her face. "Guess that was our first fight..."  
  
"What you talking about? We've fought loads of times before" Buffy said, her laughter dying away.  
  
"Well, yeah, but not since we... Well, you know – this is different," he tried to explain.  
  
If anyone had asked him later, Spike would have told them that he could almost physically see the disconnection – the moment that she drew herself back from him – and his heart sank – something that was fast becoming a familiar sensation for him. Every time they were together, every time that they made a connection he could feel her there, with him, just for a moment. And then she would realise where she was and she would suddenly be gone, retreating to hide behind the sunny smile and perfect blonde locks.  
  
So, in the moment that he saw her go, Spike did the same thing.  
  
He leaned back, affecting his usual careless slouch, leather-clad arm draped over the back of the bench, legs long and lean, stretched out before him and crossed lazily at the ankles. He coolly took in his surroundings, careful not to meet her face until he'd schooled his expression back into one of casual indifference.  
  
Fine, he thought as the mask fell into place. If she wants to pretend that there's nothing more between us that the occasional shag, then so can I..."   
  
Once he was confident of his act, he leisurely stood and stared to walk off before looking back at where Buffy was still sat on the bench.  
  
"It's getting late, pet. We should get back," he said, a small, sad smile escaping momentarily to fly across his face before being ruthlessly crushed under the boot of the affected persona so carefully worn. He shook his head and walked off, not looking to see if she was following him or not.


	35. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**  
  
Buffy stretched out the crick in her neck as she made her way to the shower. She hadn't slept well at all last night, and Spike's weird behaviour wasn't helping her mood. He'd spent most of the previous day in a strange sulk and then it'd just gone down hill after their 'argument that wasn't an argument'. She just didn't know what to think, except that she knew that neither of them had slept particularly well and Spike had seemed to wake in as bad of a mood as he'd gone to bed with, and disappeared off early. She sighed as she entered the bathroom, hoping that a hot shower would ease off the worst of her muscle aches.  
  
Spike slouched sullenly against the worktop in the kitchen as Buffy entered carrying her heavy bag. He took a deep breath and avoided her eyes, determinedly maintaining his air of being pissed off and knowing that if he looked at her it would just crumble and he would once more be lost to her every whim.  
  
Buffy nodded slightly to herself as she noted Spike's actions and moved the shoulder strap on her bag to a more comfortable position.  
  
"Are you sure you won't stay for lunch before you go?" Jenny asked hopefully.  
  
"I'm sure - it's a long drive back and I really should be going," Buffy replied, looking over at Spike, who looked away once more, before shaking his head and walking out of the room. Jenny frowned at the action before turning towards Buffy once more.  
  
"Have you two had some sort of a fight?" she asked, her tone revealing her genuine concern. Buffy shrugged.  
  
"I don't know. I don't think so," she replied.  
  
"I guess he just doesn't want you to go. Yes, I bet that's it," Jenny declared, clearly happy with the explanation she'd come up with. "It must be hard for you, living so far away from each other," she sympathised.  
  
"Er, well, yeah," Buffy hedged, not feeling particularly comfortable lying to Spike's mother.  
  
"But you'll make it work, I just know it," Jenny said happily. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen my son so much in love. And you're such a lovely girl. Even Rupert likes you, and he's famous for loathing every girl that William brings home."  
  
Buffy's eyes bulged at Jenny's speech and she simply stood there, unsure of how to react to what she'd just been told.  
  
"Well, if you really have to go..." Jenny finished and Buffy dragged her mind back to the here and now, wondering if she'd missed any of what Jenny had been saying.  
  
"Yes, yes. Really have to, er, go. Go, right, yes. That's what I have to do. Bags all packed and everything, so going. Me, now. Er, bye. Right. Bye," she babbled, aware that Jenny was looking at her as though she'd gone slightly mad.  
  
Eventually, she made it out to the car and she sat there for a minute or two staring blankly at the steering wheel, Jenny's words repeating themselves in her head.  
  
_"...I don't think I've ever seen my son so much in love..."  
  
"...my son so much in love..."  
  
"...in love..."  
  
_Eventually, she looked up at her reflection in the rear-view mirror. "Huh?"

---------------------------

Spike lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, wondering where it had all gone wrong.  
  
He'd always thought that he was fine with the deal that he and Buffy had about their non-relationship. But yesterday had been, well, he wasn't exactly sure what it had been, but her latest rejection had left him feeling empty.  
  
Not as if the chit ever promised me anything, he thought to himself as he traced a crack which had appeared in the ceiling just lately. 'Just the opposite, in fact. Been right up front with me about things and can't ask fairer than that now, can I? No, I've got absolutely no cause for complaint.' he decided to himself.  
  
"Then why am I so bloody well pissed off with her?" he asked out loud as he rolled over and buried him face in the pillow.  
  
He inhaled deeply and found himself beginning to smile. He frowned and inhaled again, registering this time what it was that was making him smile.  
  
The pillow smelt of her, of roses and vanilla and the perfume that she wore. He nestled his cheek against the pillow and sighed, wondering what he was going to do now. His eyes slowly drifted closed as the sleep that he hadn't really managed to get last night threatened to over come him.  
  
The soft knock at the door jolted him awake and he blearily sat up as his mother walked into the room.  
  
"Oh, hi mum. What is it?" he asked.  
  
"Buffy's leaving - aren't you going to go and say goodbye?" she responded, leaning against the doorpost.  
  
"What? She's going already?" he asked, jumping to his feet and heading quickly towards the door.  
  
"You were there when she was saying goodbye, remember?" Jenny called after him as he headed downstairs.  
  
He found Buffy sat in the car, not showing any signs of moving, obviously lost in thought. He made his way round to the passenger side and opened the door, starling her as he sat down.  
  
"Buffy..." he started.  
  
"Spike. I, well, that is..." she babbled. He frowned at her slightly and she stopped, a sheepish smile on her face. He took a deep breath.  
  
"I'm sorry. I've been behaving like an idiot and with no reason," he said to her earnestly. "Please, forgive me?" he asked, hopefully.  
  
"Oh, well, yes, of course. It's no biggy, really. It's fine. I, well, I really have to, y'know, go. Yep, that's right, go. Long drive, have to get on the road." A look of almost panic seemed to flit across her features as she realised that she was, yet again, yammering on for no apparent reason. She consciously stopped herself and smiled at him.  
  
"Right..." Spike said, somewhat bemused by her outburst. "Anyway, I'll see you next weekend then?" he asked. Buffy looked at him, managing to do a perfect impression of a startled rabbit.  
  
"Next weekend?" she asked slowly.  
  
"Yeah, you know - the Christmas party..."  
  
"Oh, right, yeah, that..." she said hesitantly, trying to work out whether seeing him again now that she knew what she knew was a good idea and whether it would change their relationship.  
  
"Don't tell me you're not coming! You have to come! Don't make me go there on my own..." Spike pleaded and Buffy realised that she had no choice - at the end of the day, he was still one of her best friends and she just couldn't abandon him.  
  
"No, of course I'll be there, I was just... I was just wondering what I was going to wear, that's all," she explained.  
  
"Okay, so I'll meet you at the hotel next Saturday - you have the directions, right?"  
  
"Yes, Spike - I have the directions! Now, I really have to get going!" she exclaimed.  
  
"'K. Bye then - drive safely," he said and leaned in for a kiss. Buffy watched him lean in and turned her head to the side at the last minute so the kiss landed firmly on her cheek.  
  
Spike got out of the car and watched her drive off, a concerned frown on his face.  
  
There was definitely something wrong, he just couldn't work out exactly what it was. 


	36. Chapter 35

**Chapter35**  
  
Willow looked up as her friends entered the room and slumped morosely on the couch. Silently, the redhead rose from her seat and disappeared into the kitchen, returning minutes later with two cups of tea. She thrust one into the unresisting hands of her best friend.  
  
"Okay, what's up? And don't tell me nothing - I know you better than that," she said determinedly. Buffy looked at her and realised that there was no getting away from determined Willow.  
  
"Spike's in love with me," she said resignedly.  
  
"What?" Willow exclaimed.  
  
"Spike's in love with me," Buffy repeated.  
  
"He actually told you? He said 'I love you,'?"  
  
"Well, no, but his mother said that she'd never seen him so in love."  
  
"Oh." She paused. "Well, did you, somehow, I don't know, lead him on or anything?"  
  
"No! Well, possibly, well, maybe," Buffy admitted.  
  
"What did you do?" Willow asked seriously.  
  
"Well," Buffy blushed and lowered her eyes to her mug of tea. "We've kinda, sorta, possibly, well, you see..."  
  
"Yes...?"  
  
"We've, well, we'vebeensleepingtogether," Buffy blurted out quickly.  
  
"You've been huh?" Willow asked, dumbfounded.  
  
"We've been sleeping together..." she said, hoping that her friend wasn't going to be too shocked at the news.  
  
"For how long?"  
  
"A while now."  
  
"You never said..." Willow said, sounding hurt.  
  
"I know, it's just..."  
  
"And I didn't think you were interested in another relationship - that's what you said. That's what you always said when I asked and all that time you were seeing Spike!"  
  
"No, no! Not Seeing! Never seeing - just, well, sleeping together..." Buffy trailed off as she realised how that sounded.  
  
Willow raised an eyebrow and looked at her friend.  
  
"I, well..." Buffy said, before Willow gave in and smiled.  
  
"Okay, I'm being all non-judgementy here. I'm just a little hurt that you never told me," she admitted disappointedly.  
  
"I know, I should have told you, I just didn't quite know how you'd react, and..." Buffy trailed off and they sat there in silence for a couple of minutes.  
  
"So. Do you love him?" Willow asked eventually.  
  
"I, er, what?" Buffy stuttered, obviously surprised by Willow's question.  
  
"Do. You. Love. Spike?" Willow asked slowly.  
  
"Well..." Buffy hesitated.  
  
"Hmm?" Willow encouraged.  
  
"No. I don't know. I... I don't want that kind of relationship right now. I... He wants the world and I can't give him that. I can't commit to that and he knows it. He knows I can't love him." Buffy spluttered.  
  
"Why not?" Willow asked, not trying to hide her confusion. She could understand if her friend simply didn't love him, but Buffy seemed to be very carefully dancing round the subject of her feelings and Willow was convinced there was something her friend wasn't admitting.  
  
"I just can't have a serious relationship right now. After the whole Riley thing - that was so intense. I just. I just can't do it." Buffy admitted quietly, gazing intently at her hands.  
  
"So, what you going to do about Spike?"  
  
"I just don't know." Buffy admitted and looked up at Willow. "This changes everything. It was fun, but... I really care about him, Will, as a friend - can I really carry on knowing how he feels about me. I'm just not ready to give him that, I can't promise..." Buffy hiccupped back a sob and trailed off. "I'm tired, Will. I'm gonna go to bed. Thanks - I guess I needed to get some things off my chest."  
  
"That's okay - you know I'm here if you want to talk about it, okay?" Willow told her friend sympathetically as Buffy stood and made her way out of the room, passing Xander on the stairs as she left.  
  
Xander turned to Willow and took in the obvious look of concern on her face.  
  
"What was all that about?" he asked, indicating the direction in which the blonde had just left.  
  
"Spike's in love with her," Willow explained.  
  
"Well, yeah, duh. Tell me something I don't know!" he declared.  
  
"She's only just realised it." Willow answered, deciding to keep the more risqué element of their conversation from the delicate ears of her easily shocked friend.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"And you thought I was blind!" he exclaimed, shaking his head.


	37. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36 **  
  
"I need to get out!" Buffy declared as she walked into the living room.  
  
Willow and Tara looked up from their position curled up on the sofa. Buffy was stood at the entrance to the room, obviously determined to carry through her announcement. She was dressed in tight black trousers and a backless, dark red top, her freshly styled hair falling in soft waves over her shoulders and down her back.  
  
Willow and Tara looked at each other.  
  
"Well, we'd kinda planned a quiet night in..." Willow said hesitantly.  
  
"Oh, please Will, Tara – I've been stuck in all week so far. I_ need _to get out before I get a serious case of cabin fever!"  
  
"It's hardly our fault that you've been all Miss Mopey-pants since you got back from Spike's," Willow replied.  
  
"I know, I know – I've been hell to be around, but don't you see – that's just why you have to come out with me. I've decided that the best thing for me is a night on the town – just what I need," Buffy declared.  
  
"I don't think I have the energy for clubbing," Tara put in, apologetically. Buffy looked crestfallen for a moment, then the cheery smile returned to her face.  
  
"Well, how about just going into town for a drink then? We could be home early – not a problem. Pleeease?" she wheedled.  
  
Willow and Tara exchanged a look again and Tara nodded almost imperceptibly.  
  
"Okay, okay – you win! But we leave when the pubs close, okay? Don't event think about trying to get us to go clubbing 'cause it's so not gonna happen, Missy!" Willow said, mock-sternly.  
  
"Yes Ma'am," Buffy conceded, grinning inanely at her win.  
  
They managed to find a quiet table in the corner of the moderately busy pub and settled down, happy to sit and watch the other people in the bar.  
  
"Oh my God!" Buffy exclaimed in a stage whisper, discreetly pointing out a girl who had just walked up to the bar and was now leaning against it, trying to attract the attention of the barman.  
  
She was dressed in what could possibly be in line for the world's most tarty outfit – the amount of cleavage the scoop neck of her near-transparent, iridescent purple top revealed was matched by the shortness of the tight, black mini-skirt she was wearing.  
  
"She's underage – I guarantee it!" Buffy declared authoritatively.  
  
"What makes you say that?" Willow asked curiously.  
  
"Oh, come on, I mean – I'm big myself on the short skirts and all, but that's taking it a step too far. We all know full well that no girl dresses like that unless she's trying to get something and I think she's trying to get served – look at the way she's leaning across the bar. Betcha she's underage!"  
  
"I think she might be right, Willow," Tara said as she nudged her lover and pointed towards the bar where the barman was shaking his head at the girl. Buffy smiled in triumph as the girl tossed her hair angrily and stalked out of the door followed by a small group of equally heavily made up girls.  
  
The three settled back down to their drinks and quiet conversation, focused mainly on people-watching as groups drifted in and out of the pub.  
  
"Oh, look who's heading your way, Buff," Willow said a couple of hours later, pointing out the tall, dark man heading their way through the crowd which had now gathered in the bar.  
  
Buffy looked in the direction her friend was pointing and groaned quietly as she recognised Liam walking towards them.  
  
"Oh, God. I was having such a nice time as well," she mumbled to herself. Willow looked at her and frowned.  
  
"Oh, come on Buffy, give the guy a chance – he's actually quite nice. Might surprise you."  
  
"I know, I know. It's just..." Buffy started, before being interrupted by the arrival of the subject of the conversation.  
  
"Hi guys, Buffy," he said, as he took in each of them, his gaze finally landing on the petite blonde as he smiled hesitantly. "Sorry I missed you last weekend, Willow said that something came up."  
  
"Oh, yeah. Erm, yeah. Something – came up, yeah," Buff stammered, blushing slightly as Willow held back a giggle. Liam looked perplexed, wondering what he was missing before Tara came to the rescue.  
  
"Liam, why don't you sit down?" she asked sweetly, shooting a glare towards Willow as the two other girls fought to regain their composure.  
  
"Thanks," he said gratefully as he managed to find another chair and pulled it up to the table.  
  
"So, how are you?" Buffy asked politely, cringing inwardly at the question and the fact that she had to make small-talk with this guy, instead of simply being able to spend a night out with the girls.  
  
Buffy sat listening to her friends talk and smiled to herself. The night hadn't turned into quite the nightmare she'd imagined when Liam, or 'Angel' as she'd discovered his nickname to be, had first appeared. He was actually good company and definitely attentive towards her.  
  
Now the evening was drawing to a close, last orders had been called and they were all finishing their drinks. She knew that Angel was going to ask to see her again and that she'd have to be able to give him an answer.  
  
And there lies the problem, she thought as the smile faded from her face to be replaced by a slight crinkling of her forehead as she turned her thoughts towards what she would say to him.  
  
Willow had been right, As usual, Buffy thought. Angel did seem to be a nice guy, and he was definitely good-looking. Who wouldn't be attracted to the whole 'tall, dark and handsome' thing?  
  
Her mind turned to Spike, not for the first time that night, and she thought about what they had. Then she shook her head almost imperceptibly and dismissed the thought. Spike, she thought with a sigh, as she returned to her previous conclusion – that she just couldn't give him what he wanted. She just wasn't ready to give her heart away as she knew he'd want, And like I know would be so easy to do, she let herself admit before firmly quashing the thought.  
  
But Angel, Angel was another matter entirely. Maybe with Angel, she could have the kind of casual relationship she thought she could cope with right now. And it would be a good way to let Spike down gently, she thought sadly.  
  
Thrusting any doubts aside, she made up her mind. If he asked to see her again, she'd say yes.


	38. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37 **  
  
Buffy pulled up outside the hotel and mentally steeled herself to go inside, wondering if Spike had arrived yet, not sure how she was going to broach the subject she knew she was inevitable.  
  
Once again, she wondered if she'd made the right choice, unable to control or dismiss the sinking feeling that had appeared in her stomach on Thursday night when she'd agreed to see Angel again the following week, when she'd let him kiss her.  
  
She took a deep breath and told herself again that this was for the best. That Angel was a nice guy. That it was the best and easiest way to stop this thing with Spike before it went any further. That it was the best thing for both of them. That it would be less cruel than stringing him along now that she really knew how he felt.  
  
She let the endless list of excuses - reasons, she thought firmly – run in a constant stream through her mind as she tried not to think about the inevitable look on Spike's face when he found out, as she steeled herself against it and determined that what she was doing really was for the best.  
  
Resolute, she opened the car door, collected her bag from the back seat and walked into the hotel.  
  
"Hiya pet!" Spike called from his position lying on the bed as she entered their hotel room. Buffy steeled herself and smiled with a cheeriness she didn't feel inside.  
  
"Hi!" she said as she walked into the room and threw herself down onto the bed beside him, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. He looked at her and frowned.  
  
"Don't I get a proper kiss?" he asked teasingly, pulling her towards him and capturing her in a deeply passionate kiss.  
  
Buffy's mind swam for a second as she battled with herself, knowing that she should pull away and trying to find the will power to do so. Eventually, it was Spike who broke the kiss, pulling away for some much needed air. Buffy used the moment to stand up from the bed, busying herself with unpacking her bag and carefully hanging her dress away in the wardrobe before it creased.  
  
"So, do I get to see what you'll be wearing tonight?" Spike asked, leaning back against the pillows, his hands resting casually behind his head.  
  
"No, you don't. You'll just have to wait," she threw back at him with a laugh as she walked into the ensuite bathroom and deposited her toiletry bag on the side.  
  
"In for a surprise then, am I, luv?" he called to her. Buffy leaned against the doorway to the bathroom and smiled at him, finally managing to relax for the first time in days as they fell back into their usual friendly banter.  
  
"You okay, luv?" Spike asked, concerned. "You seem a little, I dunno, quiet."  
  
Buffy thought about it for a minute. This was it, her way in. He'd given her the perfect opportunity to broach the subject. Then she looked at him, lying on the bed, not a care in the world, looking up at her with those bottomless blue eyes, hair all ruffled and messy in the way that she found unaccountably sexy and she just couldn't do it. She couldn't spoil the evening for him. She remembered why she was here and how much he wanted this evening to go well. She couldn't do it – not now, not yet. She'd tell him later, afterwards.  
  
Decision made, she smiled at him and forced an airy tone into her voice. "Oh, nothing really, just a little tired from the journey, that's all. Think I'm gonna go and have a shower – guess we'll have to get ready soon, right?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. You want some company in that shower?" he asked with a slight leer, curling his tongue up behind his teeth in that way that made her knees turn to jelly.  
  
"You and I both know that if you did that we'd never get downstairs," she admonished lightly, hoping that he wouldn't put the matter.  
  
Her hopes were answered as he sighed wistfully and turned back to the TV. "I know. Go on then. Shower."  
  
Spike could hardly stop himself from grinning like some kind of maniac as he walked into the hotel ballroom, Buffy on his arm. He looked around and made his way over to their allocated table, holding back the almost uncontrollable urge to jump up onto the nearest table and shout out to the world how fabulous the woman on his arm was.  
  
Buffy had really outdone herself tonight and was looking absolutely radiant. The plain, blue sheath dress she was wearing looked anything but as it fitted her to perfection, draping sensuously over her curves and falling to just below her knees, the slightly metallic sheen of the material catching the dimmed light of the magnificent hotel ballroom they were currently traversing. Spike smiled down at her in awe as heads turned to watch the golden couple pass and he pushed away the dark thoughts and his knowledge that none of this was real and that she wasn't really his in the hope that maybe, one day, that would all change and he could finally let her know how he felt.  
  
Buffy had been quiet since her arrival earlier, but she swore to him that it was just a result of the journey and a touch of nervousness at the thought of spending an evening in the company of strangers. Spike had tried to put her at her ease, guaranteeing that all the people they were to sit with that night were friendly and easy to get on with, but she had remained subdued.  
  
Buffy herself was currently lost in her thoughts, wondering how she had got herself into this situation and how on earth she would be able to find the courage to tell Spike. She had realised as they walked into the room, that she wasn't taking the easy way out at all, that Angel didn't make the situation easier to deal with, that he wasn't the 'excuse' she'd been thinking of him as. He was a complication, and there was a high chance that the news would break Spike's heart. But there was no going back now and she was determined to go through with it.  
  
She just had to get through the evening first.  
  
Another couple were sat at the table when they arrived and the man stood up to welcome them.  
  
"Spike, buddy!" he said in a friendly and enthusiastic greeting before turning to Buffy. "And this must be the lovely Buffy – he's told me so much about you. I'm Clem, by the way. And this is Carla, my girlfriend." The woman sat at the table waved a quiet hello and smiled shyly.  
  
Ahh, another person who's daunted by the whole host of complete strangers then, Buffy thought, somewhat comforted by the idea as they took their seats at the table.  
  
As the evening progressed, they were joined by other couples and Buffy let the small talk wash over her, watching Spike as he effortlessly seemed to manage the conversation around the table, making people howl with laughter one moment and engage in serious conversation about something or other the next. He seemed to be having a great time and Buffy made sure that her smile stayed on all night and she put up the appropriate pretence of enjoyment she felt was expected of her.  
  
But she felt anything but happy inside; where she was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the situation and with the fact that Spike had seemed quite happy to let the table and, indeed, the whole room at this rate, assume that she was his girlfriend.  
  
Never particularly comfortable with the lie before, she now felt awkward and somewhat embarrassed by it now. But she the thought that had her most off-kilter about the whole situation was that she had a steadily increasing feeling that she was betraying Spike with the lie, with the knowledge that the lie had to end – that it stopped tonight.  
  
"You want to dance?" Spike's question pulled Buffy out of her thoughts and back to the present. She looked at him and tried to think of an excuse, but none came to the fore. She smiled and nodded, letting herself be led out onto the dance floor.  
  
The band struck up a slow tune and Spike gathered her into his arms, resting his face in her hair as they moved together on the floor.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked gently.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"You sure, you've been awfully quiet tonight, it's just not like you, Buffy."  
  
"I'm fine, just a little tired, that's all," she said, hoping that he wouldn't see through the lie.  
  
"Look, we're all done here. I mean, the party'll go on for hours, but we could slip away and not be missed. If you're tired..." Spike replied.  
  
"That would be good," Buffy admitted, knowing that if they left it would only bring forward the inevitable, but unable to stand the feelings she was having any longer.  
  
Spike gently took her by the hand and led her from the room.  
  
She almost flinched as Spike shut the door to their hotel room behind him. Buffy hugged herself as she stood by the window and looked out onto the city below them, watching the lights of the car pass by in the night. She didn't dare turn around, knowing that when she did she would be forced to face up to the decision she'd made.  
  
She felt him stand behind her and she tensed slightly as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing close to her body.  
  
"You cold?" he asked quietly, gently removing her hands and rubbing at her arms.  
  
"A little," she said, more because it was something to say than because it was true, as she let Spike turn her to face him. She could hardly breathe as she let him tilt her head upwards. It was almost as if she were elsewhere as she watched his head descend towards her.  
  
"Cor, pet. I've missed you so much," he breathed before he captured her mouth in a searing kiss.  
  
For a moment, Buffy kissed him back, losing herself in him as had happened so often before. She felt her arms reach up and lock round the back of his neck, pulling him willingly deeper into the kiss before her mind snapped back into play and she suddenly broke off, pushing him away and moving to the other side of the room.  
  
Spike frowned and moved towards her. "What's wrong, luv?" he asked, obviously confused by her sudden actions.  
  
"We have to talk," she said sadly, sitting down on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Oh. This doesn't sound good," he said, a trace of dread tingeing his tone.  
  
Buffy was silent for a moment, wondering how best to phrase what she was about to say. Then she suddenly realised that there _was _no best way to tell him. She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye. "I'm seeing someone else," she said simply.  
  
Spike's eyes bugged as he took in the news, not wanting to believe that he'd heard her right, but knowing that he had.  
  
"Since when," he asked coldly, wondering if she'd been seeing someone else the previous weekend. Wondering if all the time he'd held her in his arms, she'd been thinking of someone else. Wondering if... he quickly shook that destructive line of thought from his mind.  
  
"Not long, just this week, but I thought," she hesitated, her voice faltering as she took in the look in Spike's eyes. The hurt, the betrayal that she'd been dreading, but she forged determinedly onward. "I thought that I should tell you now. It was what we agreed, that if there was ever..."  
  
"I know what we agreed Buffy," Spike interrupted harshly, before sighing, his expression turning contrite as he sat beside her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, it's just..."  
  
"I just can't go on like this, Spike. I'm using you."  
  
"You notice me complaining?" he asked, starting to wonder and - if he would allow the train of thought to enter his consciousness - even hope that there was no one else, that she'd just said that to give her a reason to leave. That he could talk her round. But one look at her told him all he needed to know. She wasn't lying to him, nothing but the harsh truth was evident in her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry." She rose from the bed and resumed her position at the window, staring out into space.  
  
He looked at her, words escaping him for a moment. The moonlight streaming through the window catching glints in her long hair, making it shine and giving her an ethereal gleam. He watched her for what felt like an eternity before he spoke again.  
  
"What's his name?" he asked, resignation evident in his voice.  
  
"Does it matter?" she asked sadly, not looking at him as her eyes remained steadily fixed on the now decreasing volume of traffic passing below.  
  
"I guess not."  
  
Silence descended on the room once more as the two figures lapsed back into their own thoughts.  
  
Buffy held back a tear as she felt him once more take up position at her shoulder, but this time no warm, strong arms encircled her.  
  
"I'm sorry," she repeated, her voice so quiet that for a moment Spike wondered if he'd heard her properly.  
  
"Nothing to be sorry for, luv," he said, his voice coarse with highly controlled emotion. "I knew where I stood, same as you. Knew what I signed on for. You've been nothing but fair about the whole thing."  
  
It was then that the tears began to flow, with the words of kindness. She turned and buried her face in her shoulder, not thinking about her actions, just needing the comfort and support of her best friend. She melted into him as his arms held her tight and she finally let go of all the emotion she'd held inside her since the previous weekend.  
  
"Hush, luv. It'll be okay," Spike murmured, whispering words of comfort without really thinking what he was saying or why, just knowing that she needed to hear them.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she sobbed over and over into his shoulder until she started to cry herself out and the sobs subsided.  
  
He waited until she fell quiet before he pulled back and made her look at him. "I promised you once that I would always be your friend, that I would always be there for you. I still mean that – this doesn't change any of that. Promise me that won't change?" he said firmly.  
  
"Are you sure?" she asked timidly, hardly daring to believe that he could still want to be in the same room as her after the way she'd treated him, never mind still want to be her friend.  
  
"Of course I'm bloody sure – never been more sure of anything in me life!" he declared with a genuine smile.  
  
"I'll really like that," she admitted as he pulled her back into his arms and held her.


	39. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38 **  
  
Spike paused the DVD he'd been watching as the phone started to ring.  
  
"'Ello?" he said into the receiver.  
  
"All men are bastards!" came the angry response from the other end of the line.  
  
"Hey!" Spike answered, male pride pricked.  
  
"Well, apart from you, of course, but you don't count," the voice replied.  
  
"Hey!!" he responded again, not in the least bit appeased.  
  
"Oh, yeah – oops?"  
  
"What's he done now then, Buffy?" Spike asked, resigned to the fact that it would be yet another one of_ those_ conversations. In the weeks since the last time he'd seen her, Buffy had been ringing him on a very regular basis with complaints about the antics of her new boyfriend.  
  
"He stood me up – again!" she complained, the anger which had been evident in her first statement quickly fading and Spike could hear even now the first tears beginning to form in her voice. His hand made a fist as he mentally pummelled the man that could dare to cause her so much pain.  
  
"Look, just tell me his name and where he lives and I'll gladly come round and beat the shit out of him for you," he said cheerfully, knowing better than to let his emotion show when she was in this state.  
  
"Spike, you know that's not going to happen," she said. They'd been over this ground so many times in recent weeks that they both knew the script off pat.  
  
"Well, someone's got to point out to the ponce what an arse he's being and if you won't do it..." Spike warned.  
  
"It's, well, he doesn't do it on purpose – he just forgets. And he's always really sorry about it. You'll see," she said, anxious, as always, to create excuses for the man she'd moments before been railing about.  
  
"Why won't you tell me his name, at least?" Spike asked, as he always asked.  
  
"Because..." she started.  
  
"You think I'd actually do it, don't you?" Spike asked in disbelief. "You think I'd actually go round and beat him up?"  
  
"Truth? Yeah – I think possibly you would."  
  
Spike thought about this. "You're probably right," he admitted without remorse. "So, you gonna tell me then?"  
  
"No! So stop asking!" she laughed and Spike smiled in triumph as he chalked up another successful job of 'stopping Buffy being upset'.  
  
"I have other sources you know. I'll find out from someone else."  
  
"Spike, just let it go, please?" Buffy asked sounding tired.  
  
"You expect me to just stand back and let this wanker walk all over you, Buffy? I mean, he stands you up more than you go out together. He shouts at you for no reason, you never seem to be able to do anything right with him. I'm worried about you, that's all – you know that."  
  
"Yeah, I know, Spike. Look, I gotta go – he might be trying to call to say where he is."  
  
"Hope for a miracle, pet," Spike said somewhat sarcastically as he heard the phone line go dead.  
  
He waited a moment before picking up the phone again and dialling a number he had jotted on a piece of paper.   
  
"Hello?" a woman's voice said on the other end of the line.  
  
"Willow, is Buffy in the room with you?" he asked quickly.  
  
"No. If you want to speak to her, why did you call my mobile?" she asked, confused.  
  
"I don't want to talk to her – it's you I'm after, but I don't want her to know I've spoken to you. Oz gave me your number."  
  
"Go on..." Willow said, waiting for an explanation.  
  
"Who is it?" Spike asked.  
  
"Who's what?" Willow responded, not understanding where Spike was going with this.  
  
"The guy that Buffy's been seeing – what's his name?"  
  
"If she hasn't told you, why should I?" Willow asked defensively.   
  
"Dammit, Will – just tell me. You and I both know that he's a wanker that doesn't deserve her. I just would quite like to be able to put a name to the man who's been putting her through crap for weeks," Spike snapped, losing his temper slightly.   
  
"Okay, fine. You're right anyway, he doesn't deserve her. His name's Liam, but he's generally known as..." Willow broke off as she heard a groan from Spike. "What?" she asked.   
  
"Generally known as Angel by any chance?" Spike asked wearily as he waited for his worst fears to be confirmed.  
  
"Yes – how did you know?" Willow asked, surprised.  
  
"Tall guy, dark, uses too much hair gel. Kinda broody?"  
  
"That'll be the one," Willow laughed at the description.  
  
"Great, just great. Of all the thousands of guys in a city the size of Manchester, she just has to go for him."  
  
"What do you mean? You know him?" Willow asked.  
  
"Oh, yeah – I know him alright. Him and me, used to be best friends at one time. Then he bloody well stole Dru off me. And if that wasn't enough, once he had her, well, he didn't want her anymore, did he – no! Tall, dark and forehead's only ever in it for the chase – loves to go for the unobtainable, y'know. So, once he'd managed to get Dru away from me, he lost all interest, started screwing around on her. 'Cept he never told her – left her to work it out for herself. Broke her bloody heart, he did – just like she broke mine. He's a git. Always has been, always will be, that one."  
  
"That's terrible!"  
  
"And now he's got his claws into her. No wonder she's a bloody wreck," he declared.  
  
"Are you gonna tell her?" Willow asked.  
  
"What, me?" Spike laughed. "Chit won't take any interference from me. Nah - I'm just a shoulder to cry on when things get really bad and she wouldn't believe me if I told her."  
  
"Of course she would, Spike!" Willow argued.  
  
"Not bloody likely. Look, Red. I know she know how I feel about her, and that makes her think that I'd say anything to get her to leave him. So she won't believe a word I say about him if it's something bad. No point. Will you talk to her? Find out what the hell she thinks she's playing at? Please. I can't stand to see her like this. You know I'd leave well alone if I thought she was happy, but..."  
  
"I know, Spike. I'll talk to her, see what I can do."  
  



	40. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**  
  
Willow peered round the door to Buffy's bedroom, fully expecting to see her friend in floods of tears from Spike's report.  
  
Instead she found Buffy sitting in front of her mirror, applying makeup with a fairly steady hand. Reminding herself that she wasn't meant to know about the recent argument, Willow hid her surprise and walked into the room.  
  
"Hiya," she said, wondering how she was going to broach the subject.  
  
Buffy looked up. "Hi," she replied before turning back to the mirror to do her mascara.  
  
"You going out?" Willow asked.  
  
"Yep," Buffy replied, her monosyllabic responses the only clue that anything was wrong.  
  
"Where you going?" Willow preserved.  
  
"Angel's," she said as she brushed out her hair.  
  
Willow tried to hide her surprise. "Really?" she asked, failing miserably.  
  
With a sigh, Buffy put down the brush and turned to her friend, tears forming in her eyes.  
  
"He stood me up again this afternoon," she admitted sadly. "And I realised something – Spike's right."  
  
"You talked to Spike about this?" Willow asked, somewhat incredulously, before cursing herself mentally for letting that slip – she didn't actually think that Buffy should be talking to Spike about her relationship, but this was hardly the time to go into that.  
  
"Yes, why?" Buffy asked warily.  
  
"Oh, nothing, go on," Willow said, trying to deflect the subject.  
  
"I realised that he was right," Buffy continued. "Angel finds excuses not to see me more than we date. Hell, we don't even argue about it – I just find myself meekly submitting to his endless excuses. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I should never have gone out with him in the first place, but I seem to have become the Queen of bad decisions lately." Buffy stood up and grabbed her jacket off the bed. "But that's gonna change. And the first step has to be breaking up with Angel," she declared with determination.  
  
"Really?" was all Willow could think to say, shocked as she was at her friend's resoluteness.  
  
"Really," Buffy confirmed, before taking a deep breath and walking out of the room.  
  
"So, she's actually going to dump him then?" Cordelia asked in disbelief. "Ha! I'll believe that when I see it!"  
  
"No – really. I've never seen Buffy look so determined," Willow argued.  
  
The girls – Willow, Tara, Cordelia and Anya – were sat around the lounge, having banned Xander from the house. The girls' night had been planned for some time and, naturally, Buffy's absence had been immediately noted, the reason for her absence quickly discovered, and thereafter hotly debated.  
  
"Hmm, we'll see," Cordelia said, doubtfully, taking a sip of her wine.  
  
"I think she'll do it," Tara said quietly. "Willow said that she seemed really determined and she _can_ be very stubborn when she wants to be."  
  
"Well, if I were her, I'd dump the bastard," Anya declared with her usual bluntness.  
  
"Here, here!" Cordelia agreed and the two girls toasted their enlightenment with more wine.  
  
"Looks like I'm missing quite a party," a cheerless voice said from the stairwell. The four turned to see a somewhat dishevelled Buffy standing in the entrance to the room. Her hair was a mess and she'd obviously been crying – the mascara that had been so carefully applied that afternoon was now streaked down her cheeks, the way it was smeared making it clear that Buffy had, at some point, tried to wipe her tears away.  
  
Willow stood silently and crossed the room to embrace her distraught-looking friend and was unsurprised when Buffy simply melted into her arms and sobbed against her shoulder. Willow gently walked her across the room whilst the other girls moved to make room for her on the sofa.  
  
"You've been gone for hours – where've you been?" Willow asked kindly when Buffy seemed to be calming down.  
  
Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but Anya interrupted before she could say a word as she trust a brimming glass of wine into Buffy's hands.  
  
"Drink – it'll make you feel better. Or, if it doesn't, it'll make you care less – either way, the world will seem like a nicer place!" she advised with a smile.  
  
Buffy looked at her, astonished, for a moment, then smiled a small but genuine smile and took a small sip of her ice cold white wine.  
  
"Anyway," Cordelia said, shooting Anya a glare. "Buffy. You were saying..."  
  
"Wandering, I guess," she said.  
  
"Wandering?" Tara asked with obvious concern. "But, it's cold out there."  
  
"I know – that's what drove me back here eventually."  
  
"Did you talk to Angel?" Cordelia asked with a stunning lack of tact and far too much enthusiasm. Buffy looked questioningly at Willow.  
  
"Hey – they wanted to know where you'd gone. Didn't realise it was some kind of big secret," Willow said, a little defensively.  
  
"I guess it's not. Sorry Will – it's just been a long day."  
  
"So – did you talk to him?" Cordelia repeated.  
  
"Yes, Cordy – I talked to him," Buffyy said wearily, slumping back against the sofa and looking up at the ceiling.  
  
"And..." the brunette pressed. "Did you end it?"  
  
"Did I end it?" Buffy mulled the question over before looking up. "That would have to be a 'no'," she said emotionlessly.  
  
Cordelia and Anya shared an 'I told you so' look quickly, before turning back to Buffy, looks of concern and support fixed on their faces.  
  
"But, I thought..." Willow started, confused.  
  
"I know. I left all determined to end it. And I would have, it's just, well. He dumped me!" Buffy said, anger evident in her tone towards the end of the revelation.  
  
"He what?" Anya and Cordelia shouted in unison.  
  
"I know! Can you believe the nerve of the guy? I mean, he treats me like shit for months and then, the very day that I decide that I've had enough and go round to end it, he dumps me. And he doesn't even have the nerve to do it in person! Look!" she handed Cordelia her mobile phone.  
  
"Buffy. Don't think this is working, do you? Maybe it's best if we just go our separate ways. Angel." She read off the screen.  
  
"But, isn't this what you wanted?" Tara asked kindly.  
  
"No, yes, well. Argh! This is so like him. Always has to be in control. It's just so frustrating. Yes, this does accomplish what I wanted, but..." she trailed off.  
  
"You wanted the satisfaction of throwing everything back in his face and watching it drop as you walked away," Anya said in the tone of someone who knew what they were talking about.  
  
"Exactly!" Buffy agreed.  
  
"So, if this all happened before you got to Angel's, where _have_ you been all this time?" Cordelia asked in confusion. "I mean – and no offence Buffy, but, well, you're a complete mess. But you don't seem too upset about this. Not 'crying-your-heart-out' upset, more, 'ripping-the-throat-out-of-something' upset."  
  
Buffy stiffened suddenly and her expression took on a 'rabbit caught in headlights' tone. "I don't want to talk about it," she said.  
  
"Oh no," Cordelia declared. "You don't get out of it that easily, Missy. We want gossip and we want it now – and right now, you're the best source of that. So, 'fess up, what happened?"  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, followed by a large gulp of wine. "Well, I got the text from Angel and I was so angry, I really needed to talk to someone about it. So I called Spike."  
  
"You did what?" Cordelia exploded. "Why? I mean, what where you thinking?"  
  
"But, I always call Spike when I have a problem," Buffy said, obviously confused by Cordelia's reaction.  
  
"But, about Angel?" Cordelia asked in disbelief.  
  
"Yes, about Angel. Spike made me promise that if I ever needed to talk about a relationship or problems I was having, that I'd call him."  
  
"But, Angel?" Cordelia repeated. "I mean, Buffy. It's the worst-kept secret in the world that Spike's in love with you and that you only want to be friends. Don't you think it's a little, well, _insensitive _of you to go parading your relationships in front of him like that?" she asked with exasperation.  
  
Buffy fell quiet for a moment, then her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open. "Oh, God," she looked at the brunette, who nodded. "God – I never thought about it like that before. Oh. That's it – it's official. I'm the world's biggest bitch!" her eyes welled up with tears as the full realisation of what she had been doing hit her suddenly.  
  
"But, if you didn't realise. I mean, you didn't do it on purpose," Willow said, trying to console her friend.  
  
"Yeah, right – I might not have realised, but only cos I never stopped to think about it! Am I really that self-centred? I mean, not once did I stop to think about Spike in all of this. I just took him at his word when he said he wanted to know and not once did I think how it might hurt him!"  
  
"I thought everyone knew that you never talked to a man about another man when you knew that the first man wanted to sleep with you," Anya said.  
  
"Yes, well. I guess I'm just stupid then. Anyway, it doesn't matter now," Buffy said, trying to blink back the tears.  
  
"What do you mean?" Willow asked.  
  
"I mean that he doesn't want to sleep with me – as Anya so eloquently put it – anymore."  
  
"Whatever makes you think that? Once a man wants to sleep with you, he always wants to sleep with you – unless he's already slept with you and married you and divorced you, and then they might change their mind. But even that's not guaranteed." Anya said with authority.  
  
"I didn't mean it like that. I mean, it doesn't matter because he's moved on. He's found someone else," Buffy said with a sob. "I phoned him tonight. He didn't answer the phone – a girl did. She passed me onto Spike. Apparently, her name's Sophie and they were going out to dinner. He has a new girlfriend."  
  
"And this bothers you, why, exactly?" Cordelia asked. "I mean, you've made it perfectly clear many, many times in the past that you have absolutely no interest in Spike in that way. Surely you should be happy that he's moved on, gone out and got himself a girlfriend?"  
  
Buffy looked at Willow as a further tear trickled down her face. The redhead gave her hand a light squeeze, but looked perplexed by her friend's reaction.  
  
"He was so mean about it, Will. He told me that he 'had a life as well'," she sobbed, realising how much she must have hurt him in the past. "I mean, I always knew that he did, but he was always just there. He's always been so supportive, I just never thought..."  
  
Cordelia and Anya shared a confused look. It was obvious that there was something going on that they didn't know about, but they couldn't work out what it was.  
  
"But, Buffy," Willow said. "I thought you decided that it was over?"  
  
"Over? What's over? Over suggests a beginning. There was a beginning? Okay, now you really have to explain!" Cordelia demanded, seeing her opening.  
  
"Spike and I had a thing. I found out he loved me. I ended it. He made me promise that we'd still be best friends and if I ever had a problem – about anything – then I'd come to him first. I stupidly thought he meant it. Add the whole Angel thing on top of that and you have a perfect recipe for Buffy life disaster."  
  
"You and Spike had a thing?" Cordelia said in disbelief.  
  
"Did he give you many fabulous orgasms?" Anya asked.  
  
Buffy laughed. "Actually, yes he did, but that's hardly the point."  
  
"What _is_ the point, Buffy?" Cordelia asked. "I mean, you say that you ended it, but you find out he's dating and come home looking like your world's just fallen apart. Anyone would think you were in love with him."  
  
"That's what I realised. Why I've been gone so long. I think I might be," Buffy said quietly.


	41. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

Spike lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling.  
  
After a few minutes, he got up and walked into the kitchen to pour himself a drink, draining the glass before putting it in the sink and wandering over to the window to stare out at the seemingly endless rain.  
  
Sighing, he walked into the living room and sat down, picking up the remote and flicking through the channels, never really stopping on any one thing.  
  
After a few minutes, he switched off the TV again and tossed the remote into a nearby chair.  
  
He stared at the blank screen for a moment before checking his watch and frowning.  
  
He walked back into the bedroom and threw himself back down onto the bed.  
  
This isn't like her, he thought to himself. She always calls me, every other night, like clockwork. She hasn't called for days. Something must be wrong, he concluded, grabbing the phone off the night stand and dialling quickly.  
  
"Hello?" a female voice answered at the other end.  
  
"Hi, Buffy," Spike said.  
  
"Spike? Oh, erm, hi – how are you?" Buffy asked, suddenly sounding rather flustered.  
  
"I'm fine. What's up?" he asked, immediately picking up on the edgy tone to her voice, which only served to increase his anxiety.  
  
"Up? Oh, er, nothing – nothing's up, er, wrong. Everything's fine," she babbled. "And what about you? How was your date?" she asked in an up-beat tone.  
  
Spike frowned. Something was definitely wrong. There was definitely something that she wasn't telling him.  
  
"It was okay," he said warily. "Buffy – what's wrong?" he asked again.  
  
"I told you," she said, more firmly this time. "There's nothing wrong. Now, tell me about this girl, Sophie, so I can decide whether she's good enough for you or not."  
  
"Buffy..." Spike warned, knowing full well that she was trying to change the subject.  
  
"Where did you meet her?"  
  
"Buffy..." he said, increasing the warning in his tone.  
  
"How long have you been seeing her for?" she asked in an overly-cheerful tone, determinedly persevering in her attempts to deflect his probing.  
  
"Okay, that's it. I know that there's something wrong, pet. I can tell, you know – you have to be the worst actress in the known universe. Is it Angel again, is that it?" Spike asked, losing his temper slightly.  
  
"Angel? How did you..." she asked, dropping all her attempts to change the subject as she realised what he'd just said.  
  
"Like I told you before, luv – I have my sources. Now, what's the ponce done to you now?"  
  
"Nothing. Well, not that's important anymore. We broke up," she said.  
  
"Halle-bloody-lujah!" Spike declared. "'Bout bloody time. When'd this happen?"  
  
"The other day."  
  
Spike considered this for a moment and then groaned. "Oh no. The other day – as in, the other day when you called up wanting to speak to me and I was running out the door with Sophie, the other day?" he asked, sounding a little guilty.  
  
"Yep, that other day."  
  
"Oh, God, Buffy – you should have said something," he said, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him as he realised that he'd fobbed her off at the one time that she'd needed him most.  
  
"No I shouldn't – like you told me the other day, you do have a life," she reminded him.  
  
"But – you needed to talk to someone," he responded, unable to believe that she was forgiving him so easily, knowing that it would be much longer before he would forgive himself.  
  
"I have other friends, Spike," she said kindly.  
  
"But – I promised to always be there for you."  
  
"Spike – just drop it, okay," Buff said, a little harshly, trying to end the subject that was too painful for her to talk about right now.  
  
"But..." Spike protested.  
  
"Drop it, Spike," she said seriously. "Anyway," she said, her tone changing to one of resolute brightness. "Did you have fun the other night? Tell me about your new girlfriend – I want to know."  
  
"Well, she's not exactly a girlfriend. It was just a date – just dinner," he said, feeling a little uncomfortable talking to Buffy about another girl. It had been different when it was her talking about Angel.  
  
For the short time that things had been going well, he'd enjoyed hearing her talk about it – it was nice to know that she was happy, even if it wasn't with him. Of course, he had never been particularly fond of the times that she had rung up in tears, but he hung onto that connection with her life like a lifeline, no matter how slim it was.  
  
"Are you going to see her again?" he heard Buffy ask nonchalantly, breaking him out of his thoughts.  
  
"Maybe, we'll see. You never know – she might not want to see me again," he answered with a small smile.  
  
"Of course she would!" Buffy protested. "What girl wouldn't want to see you again?" she asked.  
  
There was a sudden, awkward silence as the two contemplated what had just been said.  
  
"I. I'm sorry," Buffy said in a small voice after a few minutes.  
  
"No, no – that's alright," Spike reassured her, not sure exactly what she was apologising for – the affair, the break up or bringing up the memories.  
  
"No, it's not," she told him in a sad voice. "I treated you terribly and I shouldn't have done. I don't know why... Well, I..." she changed tack. "Actually, Willow's making me a sign to wear. Big sign, says 'World's Biggest Bitch' on it in big red letters. It's my penance," she laughed derisively. "And I thinking of getting it tattooed..."  
  
"Buffy, don't be ridiculous," Spike cut her off.  
  
"I'm_ not _being ridiculous. I did a lot of thinking the other night and, well," she took a deep, steadying breath before continuing. "I realise it's a bit late now, but I really am sorry," she said, sounding deadly serious.  
  
"I know you are, pet. But it's not needed," he said sincerely, forgiving her instantly, not once considering it strange that he was willing to forgive her anything when he found it so incomprehensible that she would return the favour.  
  
"Thanks. Look, I... I should go."  
  
"Wait!" he said, his tone taking on a slight tinge of desperation, which made him cringe slightly. Desperation was not a good emotion to show towards a girl who is meant to just be a friend. "Do I get to see you sometime soon?" he asked.  
  
"Maybe, we'll see," Buffy answered as she disconnected.  
  
Spike looked at the phone for a moment as he realised that he'd never really found out what had been wrong.  
  



	42. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**  
  
Buffy balanced her books against a hip as she reached down to pick the pile of post up from the mat. Shifting the load into a better position for carrying, she made her way downstairs.  
  
Placing her books on the coffee table, she carried the small pile of post into the kitchen. Switching on the kettle to make a cup of tea, she sorted through the post.  
  
"Bill, bill, bill," she muttered, putting them aside until the others came home and they could all be depressed together at how much they had to pay out this month. She frowned as she came across a small blue envelope addressed to her in a handwriting she didn't recognised. She shrugged and put it down for a moment whilst she made herself a drink.  
  
Abandoning the rest of the post on the kitchen worktop, she took the strange letter and her cup of tea back into the lounge. Sitting down on the sofa, she took a sip of tea, opened the letter and began to read.  
  
_Dear Buffy  
  
William gave me your address – along with an explanation about what had been going on between the two of you – though you will be glad to know that I wouldn't let him go into detail about things, even if he'd wanted to – which he didn't, I am happy to say.  
  
I understand that whether was going on between the two of you is long finished and you're just friends now. From what William has told me, maybe that's for the best.  
  
I'm sure that you're wondering why I'm writing to you. The truth is, it's William's birthday coming up soon and Rupert and I are trying to organise a weekend away to celebrate. Just us, a few members of the family and some close friends.  
  
We have found a hotel down on the South Coast. It's not very big – there is only room for about 10 people and we were considering taking it over for the weekend.  
  
We would both love it if you would agree to come. I know that you and William haven't seen each other for a few months now and this seems like the ideal time for a reunion. I know that William has been missing you and would love to see you there.  
  
Please let me know whether you would be able to come as soon as possible. I've been awfully lax in organising this whole thing and I need to get the hotel booked as soon as possible.  
  
I look forward to hearing from you.  
  
Jenny  
  
P.S. – Please don't mention any of this to William, it's meant to be a surprise. I told him that you'd left something at our house when you were down which was why I needed your address, so remember to tell him that you got the shirt, okay.  
  
And thank you in advance for playing along with our little 'surprise'.  
  
_  
Buffy stared at the letter for a moment, not sure what to think. She took a deep breath refolded the letter, put it back in its envelope and place it on the table.  
  
She sipped her tea as she sat in silence staring at the envelope.  
  
Draining the mug, she picked up the letter and read it again.  
  
She didn't know what to do. Of course, she knew what she_ should _do as Spike's friend – she should pick up the phone and call Jenny, tell her that she would love to go and that would be that – simple.  
  
But it wasn't that simple.  
  
Things had been difficult between her and Spike ever since she had realised, some months previously, that she was in love with him.  
  
That had been a bit of a revelation in itself. Oh, she had always been aware of the fact that she loved him – the same way that she loved Willow and Xander and Tara. As a friend. But to suddenly realise that she was_ in love _with Spike had completely blindsided her.  
  
She'd wondered at first whether she should tell him – whether she should drive straight over there, knock on his door and tell him how much she loved him and wanted to be with him.  
  
But she hadn't done. She couldn't – not after had she realised how badly she had treated him and not after she discovered that he was moving on with his life.  
  
After much thought, she made the decision that he deserved someone better than her and that she would step back and let him find that person. She made the decision that she would have to be happy just to be his friend.  
  
And, she thought to herself as she stared at the letter, that's what they were. Their relationship had fallen back into the easy banter of its early days. They spoke on the phone almost every night, gossiped and chatted. Relationships seemed to have unspokenly become a non-go area. Buffy had no idea whether Spike was dating anyone in particular and she decided that she didn't really want to know at this point in time.  
  
She read the letter through once again and thought about it, about_ him_.  
  
The truth was, they talked almost every night, but Buffy was unsure whether she was ready to actually, physically see him yet.  
  
He'd been inviting her over more and more lately, but Buffy had been coming up with excuses not to go.  
  
Perfectly valid excuses, she thought to herself. But excuses nonetheless.  
  
She just didn't think that she was ready to be in the same room with him. She knew that she could keep up the pretence of being happy with friendship over the long distance, but when she was actually with him? That was another matter entirely.  
  
Her memory of him was as clear as if she had only seen him yesterday – how she felt when he turned those cerulean eyes on her, how he could make her feel like the only girl in the world, just with a look. And his smile, his laugh.  
  
She sighed and put the letter on the coffee table. She would have to think of a reason not to go.  
  
Firm in her decision, she stood to make herself another cup of tea before she phoned Jenny to break the bad news.  
  
She imagined him looking round the room, searching for her amongst the other guests. At the light dying in his eyes when he realised that she wasn't there. At him looking to his mother for an explanation.  
  
Stop it! Buffy told herself firmly. He probably won't notice. After all, you're not that important to him, she thought, knowing that she was fooling herself, that Spike would expect her to be there, that he would want her to be there.  
  
Determined to put an end to it once and for all, Buffy marched into the lounge and picked up the pone, dialling the number in the letter. The line rang for a while before being picked up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, Jenny? It's Buffy, Buffy Summers."  
  
"Buffy, oh I'm delighted to hear from you – I assume you got the letter. Now, please, tell me that you'll come."  
  
"I'd love to," Buffy heard herself say.  
  
"Fabulous, let me give you the details," Jenny said enthusiastically.  
  
Buffy frowned as she took down the details of the hotel. She wasn't sure what had just happened. She was absolutely adamant that she was going to excuse herself from the weekend, but, somehow, she'd accepted.  
  
And it felt fabulous. As she listened to Jenny tell her about the hotel, Buffy found herself getting excited. All of a sudden, she just couldn't wait. All her fears, all her doubts had been cast aside.  
  
She had no idea what she would do about her feelings for Spike when she actually saw him, but all of a sudden, that didn't seem so important anymore.  
  
After all, what better time to face him, than when they would be surrounded by people?


	43. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**  
  
Buffy turned off the main road and slowed down as the single track road started to steadily drop away into the tree lined valley which hid the hotel. She couldn't see the building, but knew from her directions that it lay at the bottom of the step sided dell.  
  
She took the scenery in with a slight tinge of awe as she continued to drive downhill. The steep sides of the vale were covered in trees, giving it a secluded, magical feel – something that was added to by the carpet of bluebells which covered the floor of the woodland. The smell of the flowers surrounded her, enhancing the feeling that she was entering a world that was somehow detached from that which she had left behind at the crossroads. A sense of peace and tranquillity consumed her as she rounded a corner and the hotel came into sight.  
  
When she started on her journey that morning, she had been unable to rid herself of a nagging anxiety about the weekend. She smiled slightly as she recalled the numerous occasions throughout the past few weeks when she'd almost picked up the phone and cancelled the whole thing. Now though, the very idea of even having contemplated doing so seemed ludicrous. As she pulled up outside the hotel, Buffy knew that this was the right thing to do. Feeling more upbeat and optimistic than she had done in a long time, she turned off the engine and climbed out of the car.  
  
She took a moment to take in the building in front of her. For a hotel, it was tiny – and in reality, it had obviously not been built as such. It was a large house, the rows of windows giving it a look of something straight out of a Jane Austen novel – Buffy could almost picture women in empire-line dresses carrying parasols wandering aimlessly around the immaculately manicured lawn which lay to the front of the whitewashed building.  
  
She looked at her watch and realised that she was running late. She pulled her bag from the back seat of the car and hurried into the foyer of the hotel.  
  
"Oh, Buffy – there you are – I was beginning to worry you weren't going to show up," Jenny said with a nervous laugh as she hurried across the foyer to stop Buffy before she got too far in.  
  
Buffy wondered if Jenny was nervous because she was late, or if she really did think she wasn't going to show up.  
  
"Here, let me take your bag. Have you parked out the front?" Jenny asked hurriedly, relieving the blonde of her bag. Buffy nodded her assent as Jenny turned her back towards the entrance. "Go and move your car round the back of the building – William will be here any minute and he's bound to recognise that car of yours. You'll have to check in later, I'm afraid, there just isn't time now."  
  
Buffy hurried outside and quickly moved her car round to the back of the building, out of sight of the driveway, before joining Jenny and the other guests inside.  
  
"So, what've you told Spike then?" she asked curiously.  
  
"Oh," Jenny laughed. "Rupert gave him a whole spiel about him taking William away on a 'father-son bonding weekend'. He really went to town and made it sound incredibly boring – William's been absolutely dreading it and begging me to get him out of it!" she gushed. She opened her mouth to say more, when she got the nod from the desk clerk to say that Giles and Spike had just pulled up outside.  
  
The nervousness, which only minutes ago Buffy had dismissed as ridiculous, returned with a vengeance and Buffy edged her way to the back of the small group of people, praying that her small stature would hide her from sight for as long as possible. Suddenly, seeing Spike again didn't seem like the good idea she'd viewed it as since her arrival at the hotel.  
  
Her heart began to pound so hard that she thought the whole room must hear it as she saw Spike enter the room. She knew it had to be her imagination playing up, but it seemed to her that a shaft of sunlight fell on him as he entered, lighting up his peroxide hair and throwing highlights on his impossibly blue eyes. Buffy melted as she realised that she was falling in love with him all over again.  
  
Her eyes widened as she came to that realisation and panic threatened to overwhelm her as she realised that she couldn't allow herself to feel this way – she couldn't be in love with him – she'd promised herself months ago that she wouldn't be. Unfortunately, it seemed, her heart had other ideas.  
  
Lost in her own thoughts, it took her a moment to realise that Spike had noticed her pretence almost immediately and was making his way to her. She swallowed nervously and smiled a welcome, not trusting herself to actually speak.  
  
"Buffy," Spike said, with obvious joy.  
  
"Spike," Buffy managed, secretly proud of the fact that she'd managed to get out that one word.  
  
"I, well. I'm glad you came. This whole thing – you were in on it?" Spike asked.  
  
"Yeah – well, surprise!" Buffy said, but the feeling that she'd meant to put into her declaration was lacking as she worried about saying too much and missed the mark by a long way.  
  
She cursed mentally as Spike frowned, obviously hunting for something to say to her.  
  
I_ knew_ this was a bad idea! she thought to herself as they fell quiet. It was obvious to both of them that the casual, friendly, flirtatious relationship they'd built up over the past few months over the phone didn't stretch to real life. Buffy felt the awkwardness of the situation and knew that Spike did too. She longed to be able to talk to him properly, but the more she thought about it, the more scared and nervous she became and the less her brain worked.  
  
"Well," Jenny said, interrupting the tongue-tied silence between the two. "I think it's time we got you checked in, don't you?" she said, ushering them into reception.  
  
The clerk behind the hotel reception desk looked down his list of names, humming slightly to himself.  
  
"Ahh, yes, here we go – Mr and Mrs William Giles." He looked up. "Room 5," he said, before turning round to reach for the key.  
  
Buffy looked at Spike, unable to keep a slight look of alarm off her face. Spike merely shrugged, his face a picture of puzzlement.  
  
"Er, mate," Spike said, claiming the clerk's attention. "We're not Mr and Mrs Giles..." he tried to explain.  
  
"Oh, I _am _sorry, Sir – misunderstanding. Happens all the time. And you are?" he asked, turning to Buffy.  
  
"Buffy, Buffy Summers," she explained.  
  
"Right. Good. Fine. Mr Giles, Miss Summers – here is your key. Room 5 is just down the hallway, up the stairs..."  
  
"No mate, I don't think you understand – we aren't together at all – we need separate rooms," Spike insisted, looking down at Buffy with a slightly uncomfortable smile.  
  
The clerk looked at the couple standing on the other side of the desk and sighed. "Oh, well. That's just not going to be possible, I'm afraid. As you may be aware, this is a very small hotel and, well, we don't have any other rooms – your party has taken them all. I thought I made it clear when you booked that we only have 5 double rooms," he said, having the decency to look embarrassed.  
  
"Mum?" Spike asked over his shoulder. Jenny walked forward, biting her lip slightly.  
  
"Yes, well, he _might_ have said that," she admitted. "To be honest, I was so relieved to find a hotel that wasn't booked up that I didn't really listen to the logistics of the whole thing..."  
  
Spike looked helplessly at Buffy, unsure of what to suggest. Buffy sighed dramatically and shook her head.  
  
"Well, if you don't have another room, then we'll have to make do, won't we?" she said with a smile that wasn't reflected in her thoughts as her heart began to once more beat rapidly.  
  
So much for always being surrounded by people, she thought.

&&&&&&&  
  
Spike turned the key in the lock and gallantly held the door open so that she could enter first. Smiling nervously, she walked into the room and looked around.  
  
It seemed nice enough – it was a large room with big picture windows that let in the light, giving the whole room a spacious and airy feel. She spotted a door leading to what she assumed was an en-suite bathroom and in the middle of the room was a large bed. Just the one bed.  
  
The reality of the sleeping arrangements hadn't sunk in when the clerk had mentioned a double room – Buffy had been nervous enough about the idea of staying in the same room as Spike to not really listen any further.  
  
Spike noticed the expression on her face and followed her gaze. He took a breath and walked into the room, setting his bag down on the floor.  
  
"I'll take the floor – you can have the bed," he said with a smile.  
  
Buffy almost sighed in relief, before she remembered why they were here. "I can't let you do that, Spike – it's your birthday tomorrow. There's no way I'm letting you sleep on the floor. I'll take the floor – you have the bed."  
  
"You're being daft – no way I'm letting you sleep on the floor – your constant moaning would keep me awake all night!" Spike argued.  
  
"That's rubbish and you know it – you're just being stubborn and doing that stupid 'gentleman' thing."  
  
"Fine, well, if you want to have it that way then we'll just have to sleep in the same bed!" Spike declared with a smug grin, sure that she wouldn't take him up on the offer.  
  
"Fine – we'll just have to do that then, won't we!" Buffy said triumphantly, her eyes flashing. It took her a moment to realise what she'd agreed to and as she did the light died from her eyes and she flushed and looked away. Unsure of what to say, she walked to the window and looked out, gazing across the lawns towards the blue-carpeted woods.  
  
"I'm going to take a bath," Buffy announced sometime later, as she realised that it was almost time to go downstairs to dinner.  
  
Spike looked up from his position on the bed as she walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.  
  
He lay the book he had been reading down at his side, for the moment totally forgotten as he closed his eyes and listened. He heard her walk across the bathroom and turn on the taps, the water flowing steadily into the deep bathtub.  
  
A smile played across his lips as he let his mind wander, picturing the scene inside the bathroom, imagining Buffy leaning over to add bubble bath to the steaming water. He shifted his position slightly as he imagined her standing back up and slowly taking off her clothes, letting them fall to collect in a pile at her feet, revealing her perfectly toned body.  
  
He opened his eyes suddenly and shook his head, disturbing the carefully crafted image which had taken root there. He took a deep breath as he reminded himself that he wasn't allowed to think of her in that way anymore.  
  
At least, not if I want to get through this weekend intact, I can't, he thought ruefully.  
  
He decided that he needed a distraction. He stood and walked towards the bathroom door.  
  
"Buffy?" he called softly after knocking.  
  
"Yes?" he heard the reply.  
  
"I'm, er, going out – to see my parents. I'll be back in a bit, okay?" he told her, after a moment's pause.  
  
"Oh, right – okay. See you later then," he heard the response. As he walked out of the room, he told himself that the tinge of disappointment he'd thought he'd heard in her tone was only a figment of his wildly over-active imagination.  
  
Buffy lay in the bath, up to her neck in hot water and bubble bath. She sighed and sank down under the water, totally submerging herself, staying down as long as she could before finally coming up for air.  
  
She relaxed back against the tub and closed her eyes, her thoughts wandering. Her mind played back the scene only moments before when Spike had knocked at the door. Only, in her little fantasy, he hadn't told her he was going out. Instead, he'd knocked quietly and then opened the door, walking into the room, telling her that he was going to join her.  
  
A smile played across her lips as she imagined him standing in the middle of the room and slowly taking off his clothes, letting them fall to collect in a pile at his feet, revealing his perfectly toned body as she watched him.  
  
She opened her eyes and sat up suddenly in the bath, mentally shaking herself.  
  
Stop it, she told herself firmly. No thinking of Spike like that! No thinking of that perfectly sculpted body, of that... she thought, slowly sinking back into the bubbles. No! she told herself after a minute, leaning forward and yanking the plug from the bath, letting the water run out.  
  
She stood and wrapped herself in a towel, deciding that the bath was only going to lead to more naked Spike thoughts – and that was not the way to go if she wanted to get through this weekend without becoming a gibbering wreck.  
  
She walked into the main room and seated herself at the vanity table. Picking up the brush, she gently removed the tangles from her long blonde hair, before starting to blow-dry it ready for that evening's dinner.  
  
She was only half done when she heard the key rattle in the door. She bit her lips as she realised that it could only be Spike. Then she looked down at herself and remembered that she was only clad in a towel. Her mind wavered as to whether she should run into the bathroom and get dressed, but she decided that if she was going to convince him – and herself – that she was over him, then she would have to start somewhere. She picked up the hairdryer once more and started on another portion of her hair.  
  
Spike walked into the room and stopped short as he took in the sight before him of Buffy sitting on a stool, wearing nothing but a large towel, her arms raised above her head as she dried her hair.  
  
God, if I never ask for anything again, please let that towel fall loose, he prayed, before recollecting himself and blushing slightly. He turned his head and threw himself down onto the bed, propping himself up on his arm at the foot, intently staring at her.  
  
Buffy carried on drying her hair for a few minute until she could stand it no longer. Deliberately turning off the dryer, she turned to him, arching an eyebrow. "What?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing," Spike replied with a smirk and a twinkle in his eyes.  
  
"You're staring," she said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Yep, I am."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"To annoy you," Spike said, breaking into a grin.  
  
"It's working," Buffy said, managing to hold back a smile.  
  
"I know," said Spike gleefully.  
  
"Jerk," she said, turning back to the mirror.  
  
"True," he answered, rolling over onto his back and laughing.  
  
Buffy suddenly couldn't hold it back anymore, and she joined him with a peel of laughter, and with that laughter, the awkwardness that had surrounded them throughout the day simply disappeared.


	44. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Spike unlocked the door to their room and lead the way inside, laughing at something which Buffy had said on the way up. They had both had a fabulous time at dinner with the rest of the group, but had eventually gladly excused themselves and retired to their room.

Spike threw himself down on his self-proclaimed 'normal' position on the bed whilst Buffy took a seat on the stool in front of the vanity table.

"I am so sorry about Great Aunt Mabel," Spike said laughingly. "She must have been up to her old tricks again. She never remembers anyone's names, so she always tries to find out who the other people she's staying with are from the hotel staff. Sometimes they decide that it's 'confidential' but she always manages to wheedle the information out of them - some old lady trick I guess."

Buffy laughed, having no problem with seeing the funny side of that evening's events. "Ah, well - that'd explain it then. Anyway, you have to admit - it was hilarious the way, no matter how many times you told her otherwise, she wouldn't stop harassing you about the fact that you'd run off and gotten married without inviting her to the wedding - she just wasn't having any of the truth, was she?"

Spike scowled. "Yeah, right - totally hilarious. She's gonna be all on my case about that all weekend; you know that, don't you? Just my luck - a cross old woman forever going on at me for something I haven't even done! And on my birthday too. Aren't I the lucky one?" he asked sarcastically.

"Oh, come on Spike," Buffy teased with a wide grin. "You must be able to see the funny side of it - what with her deciding that she didn't know me well enough to call me Buffy and insisting on referring to me as 'Mrs Giles' all night! I swear, the number of times your mom looked up to see who was speaking to her..." Buffy trailed off in a fit of giggles.

Spike's scowl quickly faded at the memory, to be replaced by a genuine smile. "Have to admit, luv - you coped with it very well."

Buffy shrugged, her eyes twinkling. "Well, I came to the conclusion that if she wasn't going to believe you after the fifth time of you explaining the mistake, she just wasn't going to get it. Personally, I just think she decided that 'Buffy' was a silly name and she wasn't going to use it."

"Possibly," Spike admitted, before pausing and smiling an evil grin. "And it_ is_ a silly name," he taunted light-heartedly.

"Oh, we're _so_ not going to get into this again, are we?" she asked, referring back to one of their oldest 'arguments'.

Buffy turned to the mirror and started to unpin her hair as she kicked off her shoes and stretched her feet out. She looked at Spike's reflection in the mirror, smiling to herself at the way the soft lighting of the room highlighted his sharp cheekbones.

"You have a nice family," she commented.

"Thanks," Spike said, turning over the lie on his back, and spreading out to take up as much of the bed as humanly possible. "But, you should know, they were on their best behaviour tonight."

"Even Great Aunt Mabel?" Buffy asked with a laugh as she shook her hair loose and picked up a cotton wool bud to start removing her makeup.

"Especially Great Aunt Mabel!"

"Why's that then?" she asked curiously, pausing at the end of one sweep across a cheekbone.

"Well, one - cos it's my birthday. But mostly cos you're here."

"Me?" Buffy asked, intrigued and slightly flattered by the fact.

"Yeah - they're always good around new people - don't worry though, it'll go steadily down hill tomorrow night. For example, Uncle Arthur'll have too much to drink so Karen - she's his second wife, they only married last year - will start surreptitiously trying to water down his drinks. But he's wise to her game - has been since she started playing it - and he'll surreptitiously start ordering doubles. It's always good for a laugh."

"Then, I guess I just can't wait for tomorrow night," Buffy said with a smile, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Tired?" Spike asked sympathetically as he realised how tired he was.

"A little - it's been a long day - the drive was hell. Guess we should go to bed. I'll just be a minute," she said, picking up her pyjamas and walking into the bathroom. 

Spike quickly changed, throwing on a t-shirt and a fresh pair of boxers. Sleep-wear wasn't really his forte, but he knew that it would be mandatory that weekend.

Buffy emerged minutes later from the bathroom, clad in a pair of cover-all pyjamas. She hovered by the bathroom door, seemingly nervous about entering the main room.

"I meant what I said earlier," Spike said, breaking the slightly uncomfortable silence. "I don't mind sleeping on the floor." Spike tried to ignore the little voice in the back of his head informing him that he was mad to even contemplate giving up a night in a soft bed with the woman standing in front of him.

But he needed have worried; the repeated offer seemed to start Buffy out of her nervous contemplation and towards the bed.

"Don't be ridiculous, Spike," she said with a small smile as they each climbed into their own side of the bed. Spike reached over and switched off the light, plunging the room into totally darkness.

For a minute or two they lay there, side by side, the only sound in the room their breathing.

"Buffy?" Spike asked quietly.

"Yes?" Buffy answered, almost nervously.

"Can I ask you a question," Spike said, sounding quite tentative.

"Of course," Buffy responded, wondering what kind of question he wanted to ask whilst they were lying so close together in bed, in a darkened room.

"Are those your yummi sushi pyjamas?"

"Yes," she said, slightly thrown by the question.

"They're actually quite sexy," he said with a chuckle before rolling onto his side to go to sleep.

Buffy laughed quietly as she lay there, staring up towards the ceiling, her mind thrown back to that phone conversation which seemed to have taken place a lifetime ago, before everything got so complicated, before everything seemed to have gone wrong. She lay silently, not moving as Spike's breathing softly grew regular and she realised that he'd fallen asleep.

She was convinced sleep wouldn't come as easily to her that night, lying as she was next to the man she...

Buffy paused in her thoughts for a moment, trying to cut off the direction they were swiftly going in. Trying, as she had for so many months, to ignore and repress her feelings. She quietly slipped out of bed and walked to the window, peering out through the heavy curtains at the lawn and the way the bright moonlight dappled through the surrounding trees to fall in weird and complicated patterns on the grass.

She shook her head and silently sighed, realising that it was no use. She couldn't deny it anymore, couldn't write it off as a mere fancy. She had to admit it - to herself at least. She loved Spike; there was no point in denying it. Her feelings in this weren't going to go away, it wasn't something that would disappear if she ignored it for long enough.

But the admittance didn't make her happy. It didn't solve the conflict of emotions that never seemed to let up when she was around him.

God, she thought to herself. How the hell do I get myself into these situations? Why is it that it took me until he started dating other women to realise how I felt? And now it's probably too late to tell him? I mean, after what I did to him, he'd have to be crazy to even contemplate being interested in me. She shook her head and smiled sadly, wondering what she should do.

After what seemed like an eternity of staring out at the still world outside, she turned away from the window and climbed into bed, having resolved absolutely nothing and convinced of a sleepless night.

&&&&&&&&

Buffy slowly woke the next morning, gliding softly and seamlessly out of what seemed like the most restful sleep she'd had in weeks into a world that felt, to her semi-conscious brain, warm and safe and secure. She smiled as she opened her eyes and blinked in the bright daylight that filtered in through the gap in the curtains.

As she woke, she became aware of the source of her comfort. Spike's arms were wrapped round her, encircling her in his embrace as he slept, his face buried in her hair.

Momentarily she considered extricating herself from his embrace but the small part of her brain which suggested it was soon overruled by the majority who decided there was no better place to be than in his arms. She snuggled closer as she acknowledged to herself how much she'd missed this. More than anything else the two of them had shared, waking up in his arms had always been her favourite thing.

Spike blinked as he woke up, still slightly fuzzy with sleep. He lifted his head and looked down at the mass of blonde locks lying so close on the pillow. He realised that he was holding her tightly against his body and would have moved away, except for the fact that he was now awake enough to appreciate the fact that she was making no effort to move from the position.

"Morning, pet," he said softly into her ear.

"Morning," Buffy replied, equally as gently, still making no effort to move, reassured by the fact that he seemed quite happy to hold her. Inside her mind was racing as she dared to hope that maybe things weren't as bleak as she'd thought they were.

Spike tightened his hold on the petite woman, pulling her more firmly into his embrace as he hugged her, before letting her go as he rolled onto his back. He turned his head to face her, returning her gaze as they looked at each other, so close yet so far away. Buffy ached from the loss of his touch and bit her lips slightly as she tried to decide whether she should close the narrow gap between them and snuggle up into his chest.

The decision was taken from her as there was a sudden knock at the door.

"Buffy? William?" Giles' voice called from the corridor. "Are you awake yet? Thought you should know that everyone's meeting downstairs for breakfast in half an hour. Yes, well, see you downstairs," he finished slightly uncertainly as he got no immediate reply.

Buffy sighed as she realised that the atmosphere - whatever it had been, and she really wasn't sure - had evaporated with the news of breakfast and the people waiting for them downstairs. She smiled slightly sadly and got out of bed.

"Guess I should go take a shower then," she said, the statement sounding almost like a question.

"Guess you should," Spike responded in an equally questioning tone, not once breaking eye contact with her.

Buffy toyed with the idea that he didn't want her to go, that he wanted her to stay. But as she allowed herself to think that maybe he wanted her, her own insecurities surfaced. She suddenly began to worry that her own wishes were clouding her judgement, that she was imagining things. That she would make a fool out of herself if she tried anything, that he didn't really want her. After all, why should he? she asked herself bitterly.

She suddenly realised that she was standing there, like a statue, simply staring at him. She blushed and disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

She sank back behind the door, lowering herself to the floor and bringing her knees up against her chest. She had no idea what she was doing, or what she should be doing. Everything was so confusing - she'd been used to being the one who was in control, the one who made all the decisions in her relationships. Now she found herself in uncharted waters - too afraid of hitting the rocks to make any move at all, her fear of rejection crippling her totally.


	45. Chapter 44

A/N - _So_ sorry - I really thought that I had posted the final chapters of this fic here weeks ago!

Chapter 44

The air smelt strongly of salt, of the sea, and it contained a touch of moisture. The wind blew softly, throwing the occasional lock of blonde hair into Buffy's face as they walked. It was peaceful here, far from the crowds, hardly another person in sight, just the two of them. She scanned the area to their left, taking in the gently undulating landscape, covered in long grasses that waved gently in the breeze, broken only by the occasional tree and the village in the distance that they had come from. The environment to their right, however, couldn't be more different. Off the path they were walking along, the grass continued for only a couple of yards before the landscape dropped away suddenly forming a cliff to the sea below them. Buffy could here the waves crashing against the sand and rocks below, a constant, rhythmical sound which, to her ears, only served to add to the sense of peace and tranquillity that surrounded the area.

Her heart felt lighter than it had in almost longer than she could remember, walking as she was along these semi-deserted cliffs, Spike at her side. They had barely said two words to each other since setting out from the village, each seemingly content to walk silently along, enjoying the scenery and each other's company.

They hadn't done this in a while. In fact, Buffy thought suddenly. I don't think we've _ever_ done this. She'd never really considered it before, but now that the thought had occurred to her, she realised that it was true. She and Spike had never just spent time together. When they'd first met, there had been the underlying sexual tension that neither of them had been willing to give a name to, and the whole Riley thing had been in the way like some insurmountable obstacle. Then, when they'd finally got over that one, Buffy's own fear of starting a new relationship had reared its ugly head. That really hadn't lasted that long, but by the time Buffy was even approaching being ready to consider a relationship, the dynamic between herself and Spike had changed completely - they were so far gone into the 'no strings attached' mode that she hadn't even considered that they could be anything else. That she could actually have dated Spike properly had seemed such an alien concept that she'd completely ignored the possibility - until, that was, she had been forced to face up to how she felt.

A shiver went down her spine as the path narrowed slightly, and his hand brushed hers gently as they moved closer together. She bit her lip, trying to stop the eternal grin that threatened to break out on her face.

She was happy, just being here with him, just being in his presence, all of the pressure having melted away. Not needing to keep up any sort of pretence - no need to act as if that she didn't fancy him, that he didn't mean more to her than a casual shag, that she didn't love him. Just _being_. She didn't dare look at him, afraid that eye contact would break the spell and she would have to return to the world of reality.

Her heart almost stopped as her hand brushed his once more and, instead of it being a mere momentary touch, he gently stopped its swing by catching it in his and holding it gently.

She forced the stiffness from her body, forced herself to at least attempt to act naturally. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and relaxed instantly, suddenly having to hold back a laugh as she saw that he was acting in exactly the same way. He was looking straight ahead, or to the side, or anywhere but at her, the tension evident in his body even through his obvious attempts to appear relaxed. She smiled slightly as she acknowledged, not for the first time, the fact that sometimes she could read him like an open book.

He must have caught her smile out of the corner of his eye because his body suddenly relaxed - although he still seemed unwilling to look at her.

And it was like that that the two of them continued along the winding cliff top path, hands lightly intertwined, each avoiding the others gaze, comfortable in the silence and each other's company.

The day slowly darkened as the clouds came and covered the light blue sky, obscuring the sun, but this went unnoticed by the two friends-come-onetime-lovers who walked, now far from the nearest habitation, lost in their own little world.

The wind picked up and the waves on the shore below grew, smashing against the rocks with increased intensity, calling out for all to hear that there was a change in the weather. But still the two didn't notice.

The first drops of rain fell, but they had prepared for that and simply donned the coats they had been carrying, neither of them worried about the onset of a light shower. Buffy's heart dropped as she was forced to relinquish Spike's hand, her nerve not stretching to taking it up again once she had her coat on. Spike, it seemed, wasn't ready to make that move either and the two of them walked on, so close they were almost touching, yet with a infinitesimal, but seemingly insurmountable, space between them.

Then, suddenly, and - or at least so it seemed to the two who hadn't been paying attention to the obvious signs of worsening weather - the heavens opened.

They were drenched in seconds, almost before they had registered that it was raining. Buffy couldn't help but let out a small squeal as the first drop of cold water trickled down the back of her neck, followed by another, and another, until there was a steady stream. Her now soaked and bedraggled hair flopping down into her face, she looked up at an equally sopping and bedraggled Spike.

His full lips twitched as he fought the losing battle to not laugh at the situation. Slowly, the twitch turned to a chuckle, which grew into a full laugh as he looked at her and her newly-acquired 'drowned rat' status.

Buffy tried to look menacing, flipping a chunk of dripping hair out of her eyes. Any success she might have had, however, was totally negated when the hair resolutely refused to go and fell immediately back into her face. Deciding that it was no use, she gave up and joined in Spike's laughter.

After a moment, he squinted up into the sky. "It's not going to stop, you know," he declared authoritatively.

"Oh right, and you work for the MET office, then, do you?" Buffy replied, scornfully.

"No," he patiently explained. "It's just that any fool can tell that this is going to last for hours - see, you can see the clouds stretching all the way out to sea, and that's where the wind's coming from." 

Buffy scowled. "I knew that," she said, crossing her arms and walking a couple of steps further along the path.

"Of course you did, pet," Spike said, letting a note of condescension purposefully into his tone. She scowled again, knowing that he was teasing her. "All I mean is that we may as well keep going," he clarified. "There's no where to shelter and it's just as far back as it is on. Plus, I don't know about you, but I'm bloody freezing now and I think we really need to keep moving."

Buffy realised that she was, indeed, cold - the rain had soaked through her clothes and now the strong wind was busy cooling the water as quickly as possible. She looked at him, nodded and followed him down the path, just managing to keep up with the pace he set.

She managed to keep up for a good fifteen minutes - in which time they covered an inordinate amount of ground. But eventually her legs just couldn't keep up the pace anymore and she slumped down onto a nearby rock, breathing heavily.

"You know," she called to Spike, who hadn't noticed that she'd stopped. "Some of us only have little legs."

He stopped and turned, seemingly surprised to find that she was no longer by his side. Quickly, he returned to her side and sat down next to her. "Are you okay?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled. "Just gotta catch my breath, that's all. God, it's cold," she complained, rubbing her arms to try and get some warmth back in them, her coat now no more than another wet piece of clothing, for all the good it did.

Spike leaned over and put his arm around her shoulder, drawing her close in to him. He looked down at her as he cradled her against his chest, smiling softly as he reached up and brushed her stringy hair out of her eyes. She cuddled closer to him, sharing the warmth of their combined bodies and trying to shelter from the rain - at least a little bit.

Spike noticed what she was doing and pretended to scowl. "Hey, no using me as an umbrella," he exclaimed with a laugh.

"Aww, but you're so good at it," she answered, her eyes flashing with mirth.

"Come on," he laughed, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet. "We need to get going,"

Buffy stood up and nodded, taking the opportunity to casually retain hold of his hand. They continued down the path, avoiding the puddles that were quickly forming.

"Whose stupid idea was it to come for a walk anyway?" Spike asked after a few minutes.

Buffy looked up at him. "Yours," she simply said.

"Oh." Spike paused, as if thinking. "Bloody prat."

Buffy laughed and shook her head. Encouraged by the closeness she had felt to him throughout the walk - the hand holding and the hugging and the little looks, she decided to take a step towards admitting how she felt, just to see how he'd react. She took a breath to steady her voice. "Actually, I'm quite enjoying it," she admitted.

"What, you enjoy having a steady stream of water pour down the back of your neck?" 

"Well, no, but I meant the rest of it," she continued, dropping her eyes to the ground, unable to look at him, her heart was beating so hard that she swore he must be able to hear it racing.

"The rest of it?" Spike asked, seemingly oblivious to her discomposure.

"Yes, the, well, the being with you part," she at last admitted, blushing furiously.

"Oh," was her only answer and she looked away, her only thought that she'd obviously embarrassed him, fearing her had her confirmation that he no longer felt that way about her.

They walked along in silence for a little while longer, the rain showing no signs of letting up. Buffy looked out over the cliffs and watched distractedly as the rain fell into the sea, stirring up the mass of water and making it appear more dark grey than the blue it usually seemed. She didn't know what to say and couldn't bring herself to look at him. She wondered whether she should drop his hand, whether he actually wanted her so close to him. But, most of all, she wondered what he was thinking, wished that she could read his mind. What she had thought was an open book now seemed to be firmly closed.

And so they continued, silently, hand in hand.

Finally, Buffy could stand it no longer. "It's just that, well, we've never really done this before, have we?" she asked him in a rush. "Just been together just us, with nothing getting in the way. It's nice, that's all," she spluttered, not really taking the time to think about what she was saying, wondering if it would come out right, hoping that this time she would get a response, something to suggest that he felt at least something for her, that she wasn't making a complete fool of herself.

Spike looked at her a little oddly, or so she thought, and smiled slightly before looking away without saying anything. He looked for a moment as if he was going to say something, then obviously thought the better of it and started off once more down the path.

The village they had been heading for soon came into sight and the two of them gratefully headed for the little pub which sat on its outskirts. They stumbled through the door, striping their sodden coats off and hanging them on the rack that was fastened to the wall by the door.

Buffy looked round and smiled to herself - it was a traditionally quaint little English pub with low ceilings and exposed oak beams lining the ceiling. She looked longingly at the open fire place, which obviously held a roaring fire during the winter months. It was cold and empty though at the moment, the weather at this time of year generally precluding the need for added warmth. Buffy, however, would have loved to settle down and dry by an open fire right now.

Spike caught the direction of her gaze and laughed. "Yeah, would be nice, wouldn't it?" he asked, almost reading her mind - though Buffy reasoned that it must be pretty obvious what she was thinking right now.

"We'd definitely dry off quicker, wouldn't we?" she agreed as they headed for the bar.

"Hiya, mate," Spike said to the bar tender. "Any chance of a coffee and a tea?" he asked - deciding that hot drinks were the way to go. He threw a look at Buffy, asking for her confirmation and she nodded gratefully.

"Yeah, no problem," said the bartender, walking off to get their drinks.

The two settled down a few minutes later at a small table in a secluded corner of the pub. Not that a secluded corner was hard to find - the pub was almost deserted - the weather having dissuaded most people from venturing out.

They sipped their drinks in silence at first, Buffy staring out of the window at the sheeting rain and Spike looking distractedly around the room.

Buffy couldn't think of what to say to him. She'd tried bringing up the subject of how she felt - indirectly, of course - but his reaction had been anything but promising. More like total ignoring, she thought sadly. It did nothing to encourage her to be more forthright with him. But she could sense the fact that things were going to have to come to a head soon. She just couldn't deal with this any longer, being with him and feeling this way and not being able to say anything about it. She sighed audibly, If only I knew that I wasn't going to be rejected out of hand, she thought to herself.

"You okay, luv?" Spike asked, startling her out of her thoughts. She turned to him and smiled wanly, wondering if this was the moment, the time when she would have to admit her feeling, would have to lay herself open to his possible rejection. Her heart felt as if it were in her mouth, beating so rapidly now she almost couldn't make out the individual beats, no matter how loud it seemed. She bit her lip and looked up into his eyes, holding his gaze for a moment as she formed the words. Should I just come out and say it? she wondered to herself. Just blurt it out - 'Spike, I love you'? Just like that, obvious and blatant? Or maybe lead into it, talk about feelings and... her thoughts stopped, mid-stride. Oh, God - what if he laughs? Or worse, what if he does the 'Buffy, I don't feel like that about you anymore?' thing. Oh God, maybe he would, maybe he'd be really nice about it - I don't think I could stand that! Buffy tried to calm herself, her racing thoughts, but it was too late, the moment had passed and she lost her nerve. She dropped her eyes, suddenly finding the finish of her nail polish fascinating. "Nothing, it's nothing," she mumbled.

"Oh, right," Spike replied, looking away and draining his coffee. She took a deep breath and let it out suddenly. Buffy looked up at him and caught his eye for a moment, but he looked away.

"Are you okay?" she asked, wondering if anything was wrong.

"Yeah, I'm, I'm fine," he said in a distracted tone, no looking at her.

"Oh." She paused. "That's good," she finished lamely, not knowing what else to say.

They sat in silence for a little longer, Buffy picking at a chip in her nail polish, Spike gently shredding one of the beer mats which had been lying on the table.

Suddenly Spike threw the paper remnants down.

"Buffy," he said, determinedly, turning to her.

"Yes?" she asked, looking up to meet his intense gaze.

He took a deep breath and nodded to himself before speaking again. "You once told me that you didn't want to know how I felt. And so I never said anything." He paused, seeming to collect himself before carrying on. "But I can't do it anymore I can't carry on pretending. I love you," he finished simply, before falling silent, waiting for her response.

Buffy simply stared at him for a moment, wondering if she'd heard him right. She couldn't believe it, that he'd said it, that she'd been wrong. She could feel the silly smile forming on her lips as his words filtered through properly.

"But what about your girlfriend?" she heard herself asking, whilst her mind wondered why the hell she was asking stupid questions when what she should really be doing is kissing him. Her eyes flickered to his lips with that thought. His full, fabulous, gorgeous, such kissable lips, she sighed to herself.

Lost in her thoughts, she totally missed the look of confusion which crossed Spike's face at this. "Girlfriend?" he asked, thrown by her response.

"Yes, I mean, I know you haven't said anything, but you _have_ to have a girlfriend, I mean - _you_! There's no _way_ that you haven't got a girlfriend!" she babbled.

"Buffy," Spike said, laughing at her lightly. "I don't have a girlfriend. I haven't had a girlfriend for ages. I didn't _want_ a girlfriend. A couple of dates here and there, but nothing serious," he explained, taking her hand nervously, making her look up at him. "Well, that's not strictly true, I _did _want a girlfriend, but I wasn't sure _she_ wanted _me_," he concluded.

Buffy dropped her head once more, biting her lip. Suddenly, she just couldn't contain it any longer and the Cheshire Cat grin burst out across her face. She looked back up at him, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears, unable to speak.

Spike returned her grin with a tentative smile of his own. "Can I take that as a good sign?" he asked.

"Yes," she said finding her voice. "Yes, you can take that as a good sign," she laughed, before leaning in to kiss him gently on the mouth, savouring the feel of his lips once more against hers, feeling his arms encircle her as he pulled her closer into his embrace, deepening the kiss into a much more passionate one, pressing his body against hers as though the slightest space between them was too much, their soaking clothes pressing against their skin, unnoticed by either.

Finally, they pulled away, gasping for breath.

"Can we start again?" Buffy asked, almost shyly.

"Start again?" Spike asked, somewhat confused.

"Yes. Forget about the horrible things I said and the way I treated you and everything. Just start out again, as if we'd just met - with dating and stuff," she explained.

Spike smiled. "Now _that_ I can do," he agreed.

"Good." She suddenly frowned.

"What?"

"Why aren't you kissing me?" she asked, the petulant tone in her voice belied by the twinkle in her eyes.

"Good question," he replied, leaning in towards her.


	46. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

The rain having stopped some time ago, they walked up the driveway to the hotel hand in hand and now slightly drier; each casting frequent glances toward each other, almost as though they thought the other person may disappear suddenly.

The walk back to the hotel from the village had been a slow one, stopping, as they had been forced to do, to kiss every few yards.

Buffy looked up at the large house with sudden trepidation. "What are you going to tell your parents?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, well, about us."

"Well, I'll probably start by saying that I finally got up the nerve to ask you out and that you said yes - y'know - the truth."

"Oh, right." She paused. "Jenny said you told her everything. Did you tell them how you felt about me?"

"Of course..."

Buffy smiled. "You think that maybe, well, that maybe the fact that we ended up in the same room possibly wasn't a hotel mistake?" she asked, the humour evident in her tone.

"You think that... Nah. I mean... You really think?" Spike asked. Buffy nodded, her eyes sparkling with laughter. "She wouldn't - would she?" he finished.

"Don't see why not..." Buffy said.

"I think me and mum are going to have to have some words."

"Come on, let's go in - and if she did set this whole thing up, don't be too hard on her, okay?"

"Hey, have you noticed me complaining recently?" Spike asked, pulling her in for yet another kiss.

The only other two people in the hotel lounge when they entered were Giles and Jenny, sitting on one of the sofas and sipping tea. Spike threw a glance at Buffy and smiled, a smile that was quickly and happily returned as they walked over to his parents.

Jenny was the first to notice the two walking across the room and she smiled in greeting. "Hi there," she said, startling Giles into looking up.

"Hello," he added as Buffy and Spike sat down.

"You two look happy," Jenny commented, a small smile playing across her lips.

"Yeah, well, we got a few things sorted out," Spike said, looking tenderly at the girl sitting next to him and taking her hand again gently.

"Yes, well," Giles interrupted, taking his glasses off and cleaning them. "I have to say, I think it's about time that you two got things, how did you put it? Oh, yes 'sorted out'."

"And this time it's all above board?" Jenny asked - the smile fully evident on her face.

"Yes, this time it's real," Spike agreed, watching his mother's face carefully. "And you had nothing to do with this?" he asked.

Jenny's face suddenly became a picture of innocence. "To do with what?" she asked.

"The rooms, the throwing us together?" Spike prompted.

"I just don't know what you're talking about," Jenny declared, but both Buffy and Spike could see the vestiges of the laugh she was holding back. They looked at each other and decided that it was best to just let the subject drop.

"So, it rained then?" Giles asked, placing his glasses back on the bridge of his nose and deftly changing the subject.

The door to their room burst open as Buffy and Spike launched themselves through it, tangled in each other's arms. The day seemed to have gone on forever and now, so late at night, was the first real opportunity they'd had to be alone.

&&&&&&

Spike slammed the door shut behind them with his foot, not willing to leave Buffy's arms for a second to close it properly. He broke the kiss for a second to look into her eyes and smile, before she reached up and tenderly kissed him once more as her hands fiddled with the buttons on his shirt.

She slid the material down his arms to drop in a puddle on the floor as she began to kiss her way across this chest.

"You wouldn't believe how much I've missed this chest," she murmured before deftly flicking her tongue over Spike's left nipple. He groaned and ran his fingers through her hair, enjoying the feel of the silky mass tickling against his chest as she moved lower, kissing a path down his firm chest, across his tight stomach, to his belly button. He looked down, anticipating her path as she started to undo his belt.

"I thought you wanted to take things slowly?" he asked with amusement, referring to an earlier conversation.

She stopped and stood up, looking him in the eyes. She grinned an almost evil grin, and lightly swept a hand across his chest, digging in ever so slightly with her nails, a move which made Spike groan with pleasure and anticipation.

"Oh, I do," she purred, as she reached up to teasingly place a feather-light kiss on his lips. "I want to take things veerryy slowly," she continued, looking at him now through hooded eyes as she took a step back so that Spike could see what she was doing and her hands moved down to unbutton the blouse she was wearing. She oh so slowly popped each button open, her eyes never for a second leaving his as she watched his pupils dilate yet further, turning his cerulean eyes black, and his tongue flick out to lick his now dry lips. She slowly let the blouse slide down her arms, revealing the cream lace bra she was wearing underneath.

Spike could stand it no longer as he closed the distance between them, his hands coming up to tease the nipples hidden only by the light covering of lace. He felt them harden beneath the garment and Buffy moaned softly as he continued to play, running his thumbs round the nipples one moment, flicking lightly at them the next.

"Slowly," he murmured in agreement as he reached round to her back and flicked the clasp of her bra, letting it fall to the floor, revealing the perfect breasts he'd fantasised about for so long now.

His eyes raked her now semi-naked body before returning to her face, holding her gaze with a burning intensity that signalled his desire more than any words ever could. Buffy felt as if she could melt away under that gaze and she suddenly felt as if there wasn't enough air in the room. Her mind screamed at her, wanting to know how she could even consider 'slowly' as an option, but she'd set the ground rules and that was how things were going to go.

His arms slipped round her waist, pulling her towards him, their bare skin meeting, their bodies flushed and hot with their mutual arousal. His hands played up and down her back, stroking and caressing, never in the same place for a moment, always on the move, now tracing her spine, then in her hair. She mirrored his movements with her own hands, tracing the muscles in his back, gently dropping her fingertips lower and lower with every sweep, letting them linger for longer at the top of his jeans, gently pushing them under his belt to tease at the very lowest part of his back, a shiver going through her as she ventured still lower to the top of his buttocks.

The kiss seemed to last forever as they gently caressed each other, exploring and rediscovering each other's bodies, taking their time and savouring every inch, relearning it with their hands. An eternity seemed to pass before Buffy once again found herself pulling at his belt, and this time she met with no resistance. On the contrary, Spike's own hands engaged themselves in a similar task.

Long moments passed, but soon they were standing there, in the middle of their hotel room, surrounded by a pile of scattered clothes.

"God," Spike whispered, almost reverently. "I've missed you so bloody much."

"I've missed you too," Buffy agreed, her eyes sweeping his body, open as it now was for her total appreciation, remembering and reliving its perfection, but at the same time, feeling that she was seeing it for the first time, as if she'd never really noticed him before.

She felt almost nervous as they lay down on the bed, his hand stroking lightly over her stomach - a move which would have been classed as ticklish if she hadn't been so aroused. As it was, it simply made her want the man next to her even more.

She moved closer to him, reaching up to kiss him gently as his hands continued their exploration of her stomach, moving ever lower. She pulled him closer to her, enclosing him in her embrace, letting her passion flow through to him on the kiss. He groaned into her mouth as he moved to cover her body and her hands slid down his back, urging him on. He pushed forward and they both let out simultaneous moans as the feelings slammed through them. He looked down at her, meeting her gaze as they lay perfectly still, simply enjoying the sensation which was flowing through both of their bodies.

"Slowly?" he asked her, his eyes shining.

"Oh, God, yes," she breathed as he started to move within her, rising and falling in an almost impossibly slow rhythm. She felt herself begin to move with him, their two bodies combining in a way she'd never before experienced. Previously, it had always been about self-gratification, about achieving climax as quickly and as often as possible, nothing more. But this was different. This exceeded anything she'd ever felt before and she pulled him closer to her as they moved in perfect unison, their climaxes building together.

She stared into his eyes, losing herself in him as they came together and she realised that this was where she wanted to be, where she always wanted to be. "I love you," she whispered into his ear.

As she came down from her high, she looked over at the clock on the bedside table, as it clicked round to show the time as now being 12:01. She laughed and looked up at her boyfriend. "Happy birthday," she said softly to him.


	47. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Come on!" Dawn shouted as she ran down to the beach.

Buffy and Spike followed more slowly, walking along with Joyce.

"Sorry about my sister," Buffy said laughingly. "She can get a bit excitable at times. Plus, I think she has a bit of a crush on you."

"That's okay - the bit seems like a nice kid."

"I'll go and get a table, okay?" Joyce said, speeding up slightly towards the beach-side restaurant and leaving the couple to walk down on their own.

Buffy took hold of his hand as they walked enjoying, as always, being alone with him. The past couple of years she'd spent with him had been some of her happiest. Not that they'd been problem free - the long distance relationship they'd had to endure whilst Buffy finished university had been hard work, but thankfully that had only lasted a few months. After that, Buffy had found the decision to remain in England and move to Yorkshire one of the easiest she'd ever had to make - though she knew her mother had been disappointed to hear that her daughter wasn't coming home.

Buffy did sometimes miss Sunnydale, especially in the depths of an English winter, but she wouldn't give up her life now for anything. Spike had understood about her need to visit as much as possible and they were now on one of their frequent visits.

It had been Joyce's idea to come down to the beach-side restaurant that evening. She said that she'd only discovered it a few months earlier and it allowed the most fabulous view of the setting sun. So, here they were, just before sunset.

The couple reached the table on the balcony and sat down with Dawn and Joyce, enjoying the smell of the warm sea air and the view of the sweeping beach leading to the crystal-blue ocean.

After a few minutes, Spike turned to Buffy. "Why don't we go for a walk along the beach?" he asked casually.

"Okay," she agreed, standing up.

"Ooh, that sounds good - I'll come," Dawn said eagerly, before she was stopped by Joyce, who shook her head silently. Dawn scowled and sat back down as she watched her sister and Spike walk off.

The two strolled down the beach, hand in hand as the sun sank towards the horizon. Happy to walk with him a first, as the sun got lower, Buffy started to glance back over her shoulder. "I think we should go back," she said, a little nervously.

"Why?" Spike asked, leading her further down the beach. 

"Well, mom wanted us to all watch the sun go down together," Buffy explained, looking back towards the restaurant once more.

"She won't mind," Spike said, unconcerned.

"Spike - I hardly ever get to see my mom, I think she wants to spend time with us," Buffy said firmly, stopping on the sand.

"Just a little further - round this corner," Spike argued lightly, gesturing to the curve in the beach that was just steps ahead.

"I want to go back Spike," Buffy said, resolutely.

Spike sighed. "Please? Just a little further?" he asked.

"I want to go back, Spike."

Spike shook his head and groaned at her, sitting himself down in the sand. "Things are never easy with you, are they?" he asked, sounding frustrated.

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, not sure what this was leading to.

"I was going to do this properly, but as you obviously don't want to play along..." he reached into his pocket and brought out a small blue box. Opening it, he looked up at her, the anxiety clearly evident in his expressive eyes. "Will you marry me?" he asked softly.

Buffy's heart stopped as her jaw dropped open. She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry as she fell to the sand beside him. The box contained a perfect, simple, solitaire diamond ring - the exact ring she'd said she wanted to be proposed with all those years ago when she'd been avoiding Riley's proposal.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" he asked, sounding almost terrified.

Buffy looked up at him. "Yes," was all she could manage, her hands shaking as he slipped the ring onto her finger.

A/N - So, that's it. I've finally reached the end of my very first fic.

Well, what do you think? Was it worth all the anguish and heartache?

Please let me know!

And I'd just like to say thanks to Martha and Ash for being wonderful betas and really supportive and to Kat for being the pain in my arse that actually got this think written - love you all.

And, of course, thanks to my husband, Robin, for being my inspiration for this whole mess – even if he'll never read this fic as it's too close to home...


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